All I Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten
by chinocoop81
Summary: Ryan's the new kid with a dark past. Marissa's basically banned from talking to outsiders, including the mysterious Ryan Atwood, so what happens when she starts to fall for him? RM AU
1. Share Everything

**A/N So I know I have a million other stories I could be writing, but I just felt the need to write something new first. I got the idea from Robert Fulghum and his 16 things that we learned in Kindergarten from his book. I have never read the book, but I've heard of it. Basically every chapter of this will contain some one of those 16 things...meaning there are in fact 16 chapters (unless I miscounted, which is highly possible). Anyways, I hope you like this. R/R, enjoy!**

**Chapter 1: Share Everything**

Marissa Cooper had never been fond of new kids. Being born and raised in Newport, she'd been brought up believing that an outsider was someone that didn't deserve her time. She was Marissa Cooper, after all. The only thing her parents wanted her focusing on was her education and social status, both of which would be destroyed if she let herself befriend every new wannabe newpsie that arrived at Harbor High. Therefore, whenever there was a new kid, she made sure to steer clear of them. Her mother always told her not to talk to strangers.

However, though she wasn't entirely fond of the new kids, she was completely and utterly fascinated by them. Each one brought a new story; new experiences that no one had ever dreamed of. One guy named Adam Richards used to live on a ranch in Texas before his parents hit the lottery and decided to move to Newport in California for a change of scenery. He spoke with a slight southern accent, and she'd always been a little interested about it – and him – but he wasn't from around here. He was a nice boy, but not the one for her. At least, that's what her mother, Julie Cooper, had said.

Then there was Rachel Valdez, the girl from Las Vegas with a rich grandmother who lived in town. She had always seemed extremely nice to everyone from day one, and had a happy, easy smile that others liked to look at. She wasn't the most beautiful girl in the world, but she wasn't exactly average. With her long, dark brown hair and deep green eyes she was an instant target for the jocks at school. However, though raised in Vegas, she was completely plain and innocent. She wanted nothing to do with the promiscuous boys at school.

Because of her mother, what she was taught, and what was expected of her, Marissa never got to speak to the new kids. She was known as the most beautiful but snobby girls in school. Everyone wanted to be her, but everyone secretly spoke about how bad a person she was. She was completely aware of this, and though it hurt, she couldn't do anything about it.

Marissa Cooper had never been fond of new kids, but not for the reasons everyone might think. No, the reason she didn't like them had nothing to do with them personally, but what they represented: everything she could never have, and everything she desperately wanted.

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School registration hadn't even started yet, but Ryan Atwood was already having a horrible day. He'd slept through his alarm, burned his bagel, and almost ran over a poor old lady walking down the street with Seth Cohen chattering about everything and yet nothing to the point that he thought his head would explode with annoyance. Seth may be his adoptive brother, but he was starting to get on Ryan's nerves, especially when everything else seemed to be going completely and horribly wrong.

"Poor lady, did you see that, you almost hit her!" Seth exclaimed as Ryan missed the lady that had mysteriously appeared in the street. "See, I told you, buddy, I am the best driver of us two. I should be driving you, not the other way around. I have been going to this school since freshman year, and I wouldn't have hit that old lady there. This reminds me of a story this one kid told me in the Comic Book Club about his mom and their older grandma. It's actually pretty funny –"

"Seth! If you say another word I swear I will stop this car and make you walk the rest of the way to school," Ryan threatened, finally giving in to the anger that he'd been harboring all morning long.

"Whoa, someone's feisty this morning. Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed? I hear that happens sometimes to people...or let me guess, you're nervous about registration for school?" Seth said with a smirk. When Ryan didn't reply he mocked, "Ryan Atwood, scared of school! Who would've known!"

"Seth! What did I tell you?" Ryan threatened, giving his new adoptive brother and friend a death glare. "I will not hesitate for a moment."

Seth laughed and rolled his eyes. "Too bad we're already here!" He waited for Ryan to park and then they both got out and grabbed their bags from the back. Ryan stood next to his friend and looked at the large campus in front of him in amazement. There were a few guys passing a soccer ball back and forth to each other and some girls watching them from the grass a little ways away. Some people were reading under a tree and others were walking and laughing with old friends, trying to get caught up on everything that happened over summer break. It was a high school campus, but it looked more like a really expensive college to him. "Pretty boring, huh? I keep telling my parents I want to go to a new school, but they just don't listen."

Ryan rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Are you serious? You go here, and you think it's boring?"

Seth nodded and looked at his friend with a raised eyebrow. "Yeah, it is. I mean, look at it; it looks like something out of a brochure. People shouldn't live like this..." The two of them started walking and Seth asked, "So, what was your old school like? You never talk about it, or anything for that matter. It's kind of weird, really...."

"It was...different," Ryan replied, thinking of his old school. He quickly shuddered and looked at Seth, who had stopped walking. "What?"

"Don't you think it's weird that my parents adopted you at the beginning of the summer, and I still don't know a single thing about you or your old life?" Seth asked, squinting at him because of the sun shining in his eyes.

"You know a lot about me," Ryan replied, brushing off Seth's comment.

Seth scoffed and said, "I know that your last name is Atwood, you came from Chino, your mom abandoned you, you suck at video games, and you almost hit an old lady this morning." He paused and then added, "Oh yeah, and your school was apparently 'different.'"

"What more do you need to know?" Ryan asked, his shoulders going ridged, his voice growing tense.

Seth sighed and softly said, "Come on, buddy. I'm your brother now...your best friend. Stop shooting me down. I want to know about your old life. What's Ryan Atwood hiding in his past that he doesn't want anyone to know?"

Ryan flexed his jaw and looked down at his black boots for a moment before looking back at Seth. "My school was about a fourth of the size of yours. The building was gray and no one stood in front of it because sometimes guys from the local 'gangs' drove by and did some shady stuff. The classrooms were crowded but no one paid attention and the teachers hardly knew how to teach. The inside of the school wasn't much better than the outside. The lockers were breaking apart, the pain on the walls was more gray from dirty hands touching it than it was supposed to be, and people had written messages everywhere with sharpie." He sighed and asked, "Satisfied?"

Seth grinned and said, "Come on, let's go register so that we can get back home." Together they walked on and when he didn't comment on what was just said, Ryan slightly smiled and decided that maybe talking to Seth wasn't so bad after all.

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"OMG, have you seen the new kid?" Sarah Fisher asked Marissa, trying to contain her giggles. "He is like, so hot."

"Don't you say that about every new guy you see?" Marissa asked with a roll of her eyes. Sarah wasn't exactly the best judge of who was good looking and who wasn't. "Besides, who is this new kid?"

Marissa's best friend Summer Roberts walked to them and asked, "What are you two talking about?"

Sarah quickly turned to Summer and said, "Marissa doesn't believe me when I say the new kid is hot. Summer saw him, isn't he gorgeous?"

Marissa looked at her best friend and raised her eyebrows. Summer smiled sheepishly under the scrutiny and said, "I have to agree with her on this one, Coop. The new kid is by far the hottest guy here. You should go see him. He's hanging out with Cohen at the lounge."

Marissa's eyes widened. "Wait, he's hanging out with Seth Cohen?"

Summer's nose wrinkled in disgust as she nodded. "Yeah, apparently they're, like, brothers now or something. I don't know the whole story, but my step mom heard from some other lady at Yoagalates that the Cohens adopted this guy. No one knows where he's from because they're keeping pretty discreet about it."

"That's weird," Marissa commented, a frown on her face. How could she not have known about this? She did live next door to the Cohens, after all. She hadn't seen anyone new next door...or maybe she just hadn't been looking.

"No, what's weird is that you have no idea who I'm talking about," commented Sarah. "You'd think you'd notice such a guy living right next door."

Marissa rolled her eyes and said, "I don't do the whole, 'look at the new kid' thing, in case you haven't noticed."

Sarah nodded and rolled her eyes dramatically. "Yes, we all know that Princess Marissa Cooper doesn't hang out with or acknowledge the new kids because she's afraid her mommy will disapprove. Pretty bitchy move, if you ask me."

"No one asked you," Summer butted in on behalf of her best friend. "So if I were you, I'd shut it. Now."

She looked at Summer and then Marissa and said, "Whatever, I have some sweet eye candy waiting for me in the lounge, see ya guys!"

Marissa watched her walk away and then turned to Summer who offered her a sympathetic smile. "Don't listen to her. She's just upset because she knows she can never have the new kid."

Marissa shook her head and sighed. "No, she's right. I am a bit of a bitch to the new kids."

Summer was quiet for a moment before saying, "Actually, you're not."

Marissa sighed and said, "I don't need you to lie and try to make me feel better."

"I'm not, believe me," her friend said. "But in order to be a bitch, you'd have to acknowledge them first, and you don't. So technically..."

"Okay, I get it," she said irritably. She sighed once more remained silent for a little bit. "I just, my parents..."

Summer nodded and put her hand gently on her friends arm. "I know, Coop. I understand, it's just that no one else does."

Marissa nodded in agreement. She couldn't put into words what her mother expected of her because no one would ever understand why she let it bother her so much what her mother thought of her. She'd tried countless times to explain it, but no one sided with her, which she could also understand, even if it was hard. Marissa Cooper was weak in every way: that was the true story. She wasn't strong enough to stand up to her mom and tell her she was wrong about the outsiders of Newport. "I don't even understand sometimes," she admitted softly.

Summer's phone started buzzing and she quickly pulled it out of her purse. "It's Jake," she said, giving her friend a pleading look. Jake Norman was the guy Summer had been crushing on the whole summer.

Marissa laughed and said, "Answer it. I'm going to go pick up my books and get some breakfast in the lounge." She watched as Summer quickly flipped open her phone.

"Hey, Jake, what's up?" As Summer talked animatedly on the phone, Marissa silently made her way to the lounge alone, as always.

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So far things had been going fairly well for Ryan. He'd gotten his schedule, locker, books, and now all he needed was some coffee and a better breakfast and he'd be a happy person. Well, moderately happy. Seth was off talking to some of his friends, leaving Ryan all alone under the scrutiny of pretty much everyone in the room. Everyone wanted to know who the new senior was and where he'd come from. He'd picked up that much from a few snippets of conversations that didn't die down fast enough before he'd passed by the person. However, despite all of this, if he had his coffee and a blueberry muffin, he'd be okay.

He made his way up to the counter where they were giving out the free coffee and muffins due to the special day, and quickly grabbed some coffee. He took a swig and cringed as the hot liquid slid down his throat. He never put sugar or milk into his coffee, preferring to have it black. Seth had made some weird comment about it the other day, saying that Ryan was a "weird one." Ryan could've cared less, not really letting what others said about him affect him much. If he'd learned anything from the first seventeen years of his life in Chino, it was that you don't let others get close enough to really get to you.

He was about to reach for the last muffin when someone else did, resulting in both hands on the muffin at the same time. He lifted his eyes to the body that matched the hand and saw what was possibly the most beautiful girl in the world staring back at him, as corny as that sounded. He stared at her and she stared at him, neither saying anything, both of their hands on the muffin. Ryan didn't know why he said it – maybe it was the fact that he'd had a pretty shitty morning, or that his body seemed to feel all funny around this gorgeous girl standing in front of him – but suddenly the words, "I believe you're touching my muffin," came out of his mouth, resulting in the eyebrows of the mysterious girl raising and a smirk to form on her too-perfect face.

"Oh, is that so?" She asked, her voice amused.

"Yes, it is," he said, glancing at her hand on the muffin and then back at her face, making a point.

"What makes you so sure the muffin belongs to you?" She asked, her tone still amused, the smirk on her face only growing.

"Well, I saw it first," he said, mentally kicking himself for saying something so stupid.

She bit her lip, probably to hide her laughter, and said, "What makes you so sure that I didn't see it first, or we didn't see it at the same exact time?"

"You have a point there," He admitted with a slightly playful sigh, "But you know, it's still my muffin."

"Mhmm, and why is that?" She asked, a small smile on her face.

"Well, I'm more hungry than you are, so therefore I deserve and will eat this muffin," he informed her with a pleasant nod.

"Oh, really?" she asked, her voice giving away her inner-laughter.

"Yes, see, I am starving..."

"But so am I.," she refuted.

He pretended to stop and think about this, and then said, "Okay, I have a plan. We will both give our reasons for needing the muffin, and then whoever has the better reasons will get it, okay?"

She shrugged and nodded, her eyes still shining with an obvious amusement. "Okay, shoot."

"Well, I am having a pretty bad day," He started, only to be interrupted by her.

"So am I."

His eyes grew challenging and he said, "I slept past my alarm."

She shrugged and said, "My sister ran into my room and made me fall off the bed. I have a bump..." She pointed to a spot on the side of her head covered by her hair and winced as she touched it, "right there."

He leaned a little closer to her and said, "I burnt my bagel."

"My dad decided he was going to make me French Toast...in the oven," she shot back.

"My adoptive brother won't shut up, and it's driving me crazy."

"One of my friends basically called me a bitch."

"I can see why, considering you won't let a poor guy take a muffin," he joked, his eyes sparkling teasingly.

She rolled her eyes and said, "Whatever, do I win?"

He shook his head and said, "Everyone is staring at me and talking about me behind their backs and hands because I'm the new guy."

She shrugged and said, "That's nothing; I get stared at and talked about every day."

He was curious about this, but decided not to comment on it. "I almost hit an old lady this morning when driving to school."

Her eyes slightly widened, but then she said, "I almost hit my dog this morning."

He stared at her for a moment, taking in her challenging yet intriguing eyes and light brown, almost blonde hair before smiling and asking, "Want to split it?"

She smiled a little and shrugged. "I guess so. I probably wouldn't have eaten the whole thing anyways. Breakfast really isn't my thing..."

He laughed and rolled his eyes, but looked up and down her body. Judging by how skinny she was, he decided that what she said was probably true. He grabbed a plastic knife and cut the muffin in half, then let her choose which side she wanted. She bit into her side of the muffin the same time he bit into his and looked at him quickly before diverting her eyes away. "So..." he said, wanting to know more about her, but not sure how to ask. He was experienced with girls when it came to sex, but when it came to a normal conversation he was scared to death.

"I should probably be going. I still have a bunch of stuff to do," she said, finishing her muffin off and throwing her trash away.

She started to walk away. He wanted to stop her and tell her that he was glad she had talked to him, even if it was just because of a stupid muffin. He wanted to tell her he wanted to know more about her little sister and why everyone talked about her behind her back everyday. He wanted to know her dog's name and what breed it was, but he could never and would never say such a thing to anyone, so he instead said, "I never got your name."

She stopped in her tracks and stood there for a few seconds before shrugging and saying, "It doesn't matter, anyways," and officially walking away from him.

He took his last bite of his muffin and watched her leave, ignoring the stares of what felt like a million people on his back.

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Later that day Marissa was sitting next to Summer on her bed flipping through some gossip magazines. After registration they had hung around with some of their friends before going to the beach for one of the last days of tanning they would be able to do on a week day. Summer casually said, "So I saw you talking to new guy today."

She shrugged and said, "We were arguing over a muffin."

Summer let out a short laugh and then bit her lip. "Wait, are you being serious?"

She nodded and smiled at the memory. "Yeah."

"So you compromised your belief that acknowledging new kids is wrong because of a muffin?" Summer asked with a raise of her eyebrows. "It must have been a good muffin."

"Not really," she replied honestly, flipping through the magazine in front of her.

"Exactly what type of muffin was this?" Summer curiously asked a few minutes later.

"Blueberry," Marissa said with a small smile, knowing what was coming next.

"Wait, you don't even like blueberry muffins!" Summer exclaimed. She grinned widely and said, "You sneaky girl..."

"I was very hungry," Marissa said neutrally. She looked up at Summer and then grinned widely. "Or maybe I was just looking for a reasonable excuse to talk to the new guy without people getting the wrong idea."

Summer laughed and said, "You, Coop, never seize to amaze me."

She laughed and said, "I know." They grew quiet for a couple of more minutes before she added, "And Summer..." She lifted her eyes to her best friends' brown ones with a wide grin on her face. "Sarah was right: he is hot."

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Ryan spent the rest of the day with Seth playing video games about pirates, ninjas, and Star Wars. That night at dinner he sat next to Seth as they all ate dinner at the Cohen table. "So, Ryan, how was registration?" Sandy asked carefully.

Ryan shrugged and said, "It was fine."

Seth rolled his eyes and said, "I love how you describe things, Ryan. You're so descriptive." He turned to his dad and said, "Registration was registration; it was boring as hell."

Kirsten glared at her son and said, "Seth, don't say hell at the dinner table."

Seth sighed and continued to eat his food. Sandy turned back to Ryan and said, "So it was fine. Can you see yourself going there?"

Ryan shrugged and slowly said, "Yeah, I guess. It's just a lot different than home."

"Different how?" Kirsten asked, looking at him with motherly blue eyes that his own mother never had. He had to quickly look away.

"Just different," he said softly, leaving everyone but Seth wondering what exactly he meant.


	2. Play Fair

**A/N I apologize for how horrible this chapter is. I don't really know how I incorporated 'play fair' into it other than the very ending, and that's not even really it. Oh well. Thank you for your reviews, they really mean a lot! R/R, enjoy!**

**Chapter 2: Play Fair**

Ryan hated the first day of school. To him it was the worst day out of the whole year. Not only did you have every single school day of the year ahead of you, but you also had to deal with the really annoying kids that tried to get caught up on their summer vacations. If they really cared so much about each other, they would've contacted each other in some way during the break, and if they didn't get that into their stupid little heads, he shouldn't be the one penalized for it.

So when he heard Seth swing open the pool house doors and shout, "It's time to get ready for your first day of school!" he knew it was going to be a bad day.

"Seth, go away!" He angrily said, throwing a pillow over his head as he tried to block out the bright rays of sunlight Seth had led in.

"But I brought you coffee," Seth said in a way that made it seem like everything was forgiven by that action. "And I made you a bagel..."

"I didn't ask you to," He replied irritably, sitting up straight in bed.

Seth shrugged and said, "I know, but not only is it your first day at a new school, you also apparently can't make your own bagels without burning them."

He glared at Seth and said, "And what makes you so sure of that?"

Seth smirked and said, "Need I remind you of the little incident on registration day?"

"That was only once!" He protested, the glare still fixed on his face.

Seth shrugged. "I didn't want to risk you giving yourself bad luck by burning your bagel again. I was merely looking out for my new brother."

Ryan's face softened a little bit at the new brother comment, but then his eyes turned hard again. "Still..."

Seth smirked and turned to leave. He quickly twirled back around when he got to the door. "Oh, and Ryan?"

"What Seth?" He asked with a long sigh.

Seth raised his eyebrows and said, "You might want to do something with that hair of yours. The last I heard, the bed-head look was not in at Harbor."

Seth quickly closed the door before Ryan could throw a pillow at him and whistled his way into the main house with a pleasant smile on his face.

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About an hour later Seth and Ryan pulled up at Harbor. Ryan quietly observed the campus once again, still amazed that this was where he was attending school. The same guys were playing out front, and the same people sat reading under trees or watching the others. He wondered if things were always like this, or if they traded off and tried something different every now and then.

He opened the passenger door and got out, closing it shut behind him. Seth had insisted for the well-being of the old ladies crossing the street that Ryan shouldn't drive, which earned him a death glare, though he seemed unfazed by it. He walked to Seth and together they proceeded to the entrance. "So, man, are you nervous?"

Ryan shrugged. "I don't know."

"Hmm, you excited? Ecstatic? Completely and utterly terrified?"

Ryan rolled his eyes. "I don't know," he repeated with agitation marking his words.

Seth sighed. "You should talk more."

"Or maybe you should shut up some," Ryan retorted.

Seth shrugged. "There's always that possibility, though it's not a very realistic one."

"And me talking more is realistic?" Ryan countered with a raise of his eyebrows. "Come on, seriously?"

"Stranger things have happened."

"Like what?"

Seth thought about this. "Um, we put a man on the moon?"

Ryan raised his eyebrows. "Still not going to happen."

Seth pursed his lips together in thought. "Um, we have a black president?"

Ryan shook his head. "Nope, still not going to do it."

Seth sighed and over-exaggerated by scratching his head in thought. "I know! George W. Bush was elected. Twice."

Ryan laughed and rolled his eyes. "Whatever, Seth, let's get inside."

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Marissa sighed as she locked her car and made her way inside of the school. As she was walking she saw Seth Cohen talking to the new kid. The blonde hair, blue eyed boy looked annoyed by whatever Seth was saying. She stood there watching for a second, completely transfixed by him. His hair was spiked in places, looking like a mix between styled hair and just plain bed hair. She looked him up and down and decided the look suited him well. His eyes – though annoyed – were shining as they looked at Seth, signaling that he was obviously comfortable around the geek. He wore jeans with a black t-shirt unbuttoned to reveal his wife-beater. She had to admit, he looked good. Really good.

He laughed at something Seth said and they ascended the stairs before walking past a group of people that blocked them from her view. She bit her lip and shook her head at herself for paying such close attention to the new kid since she obviously couldn't have him. If it wasn't her mom holding her back, surely the rest of the school would. After spending the last three years of her life pretending that the new kids weren't worth her time, actually acknowledging him would be the most gossiped about thing at school.

She sighed and went to the lounge to find where her friends were sitting on the couch in the corner of the room, far away from everyone else so that no one could hear or bother them, but close enough so that they could hear snippets of others' conversations and see what was going on around them. Summer saw her first and smiled widely, waving her over. Marissa put on the fake smile that she'd come to master and headed towards them. "Hey, Coop, how's it going?"

She shrugged and sat down next to her best friend. "Fine. What were you guys talking about?"

One of the other popular girls, Jessica Douglas, opened her mouth and said, "We were just talking about the new kid. We haven't seen him come in yet."

She rolled her eyes. These people could be complete stalkers sometimes. "I saw him when walking in. He was hanging out front with Seth Cohen."

Sarah from the other day squealed and said, "Look, guys, he just entered the lounge!"

All eyes turned towards the boy that she had just been observing. He was looking at Seth with an amused expression as Seth talked animatedly about something. He diverted his eyes and suddenly looked Marissa's way. Their eyes locked and for the life of her she found that she couldn't look away. He offered her a small half smile that made her completely melt, so she offered him a soft smile in return. Seth must have said something to him that caught his attention because suddenly he turned and faced the geek.

"Hello, earth to Coop?" Summer asked, waving her hand in front of her friend's face.

Marissa blinked quickly and turned back to the group she was sitting with. "Hmm?"

"Did you not just hear a word that we said?" Summer asked with raised eyebrows.

Marissa shook her head and offered a sheepish smile. "Um, no...what did you guys just say?"

"We were just talking about how awesome it is that this is our senior year..." Summer trailed off. "What exactly were you looking at?"

She was about to say nothing when Sarah butted in and said, "I know! I know! She was totally staring at the new kid." She smirked and said, "Ha, told you he was hot."

Marissa rolled her eyes and said, "That is so not true. I was not staring at him."

"So you admit that he's hot?" Sarah asked with a wider smirk. Marissa glared at her but didn't say anything, finding it best just to shut her mouth. "I thought so."

"Geez, Sarah, why don't you get your own life and stop pestering her?" Summer said, finally coming to her friend's rescue. "It's like you're obsessed with her or something..."

Sarah glared in Summer's direction. "Okay, you know that's not true!"

Marissa rolled her eyes and quickly glanced back over to where she had last seen the new kid. He wasn't there anymore, but she spotted him sitting on the sofa next to Seth after giving the room a quick scan. He looked bored and she bit her lip to keep from smiling at the adorable look of irritation on his face. He looked up and saw her watching him again, so she quickly turned and pretended to listen to her friends. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get him off her mind.

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Ryan swore that the girl was the most beautiful one in the world, even though he had never really been the sappy or romantic type. In fact, he wasn't even the dating type, or the type that even hung out with girls unless he was making out with them or hooking up. He knew it was wrong, but that's just the way he was in Chino.

Seth was talking about something, but he had tuned out a long time ago, too busy staring at the girl. They had locked eyes and – as corny as it sounded – it had seemed like they were the only two people in the room. Seth had interrupted his moment by loudly commenting that he was obviously not paying attention and started wondering what he could be staring at when Ryan had turned and glared at him. Now Ryan wanted to find out more about this girl without seeming obvious, though he supposed that wasn't really possible. "Hey, Seth?"

Seth sighed and said, "You just interrupted my story about the time I stayed at sea on my sailboat for a week."

"Sorry, now anyways, I have something to ask you," Ryan said, wringing his hands as he tried to think of a good way to put this.

"Okay, I'm all ears. Hit me, though not literally." Seth nodded and gave him an encouraging look.

"Well, the other day I was getting a muffin..." he started.

Seth nodded and rested his hand on his chin. "Hmm, I see. Now, was this a particularly good muffin?"

Ryan rolled his eyes and shrugged. "I don't know. Anyways, so when I was getting this muffin..."

"The average muffin that was neither good nor bad..."

Ryan sighed and tried to remain calm. "Yes, the average muffin that was neither good or bad. Anyways, so when I was getting this muffin..."

Seth stopped him. "Hold on there. Now, what kind of muffin was this?"

Ryan glared at his friend and ignored his comment. "So there was this girl."

Seth grinned for a few seconds, and then remembered he was supposed to be acting serious so he pursed his lips. "Mhmm, I see."

"And she also wanted a muffin, but there was only one left, so we argued over it for a little while," Ryan said, remembering the argument. "When it was all done we decided to split the muffin. Anyways, so I was hoping you could tell me her name..."

Seth nodded and rubbed his chin, trying to look serious. "Okay, I see what you're saying. Well, what did this girl look like?"

"She's sitting over there..." Ryan said, gesturing towards the girl that had captivated his attention.

Seth followed his friend's gesture and saw the girl staring at the two of them before quickly blushing and looking away. He shook his head and mumbled, "Well, this is a problem."

"What's a problem?"

"This girl you like, is she the one with the light brown, almost blonde hair?" Seth asked. Ryan nodded. "Okay, so basically you don't need to know her name. She'll never talk to you anyways. She's too stuck up and snobby for that."

"Wait, what do you mean by that?" Ryan asked, just as the bell rang.

Seth shook his head and said, "It doesn't matter anyways. Come on, let's get to class."

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During second period Marissa had Communication Applications...aka speech.

She hadn't wanted to take it, but at Harbor it was a required course that had to be taken worth a full credit. She had put it off as long as she could, but considering she was a senior, she couldn't delay the inevitable anymore. She walked in and the teacher told her to find the table with her name on it. She searched the room and finally found it, then took her seat. She glanced at the spot next to her since it was a table for two, not an individual desk and saw that the person sitting next to her was named Ryan Atwood. Her eyebrows furrowed. She had never met a Ryan Atwood, had she?

She glanced up just as the new kid walked in and was given instructions to find his seat by the teacher. He looked around and her stomach fluttered when she saw him walk over and sit next to her. He looked at the sticker with her name on it and asked, "Marissa Cooper?"

She nodded and looked into his amazing blue eyes. "Ryan Atwood?"

He nodded and said, "Nice to formally meet you."

She smiled a little and said, "You too."

The teacher tapped on her desk and everyone turned their attention towards her. "Hello, my name is Mrs. O'Dowd and I am the Communication Applications teacher. Now, I know that you all probably think that this is just a blow off class because we all obviously know how to communicate, but that just isn't so...." She began a long speech about how hard communication is and how it can help us not only better understand others, but ourselves as well.

Marissa tried to listen, but it was hard to when she could practically feel the heat radiating off of Ryan beside her. The table wasn't really that large and the two of them were close enough that if she scooted over a couple of centimeters, their legs would be touching. It was tempting, but also completely inappropriate, especially considering her stance when it came to talking to new people. She silently cursed her mother and her own reputation for creating this problem for her.

"Now, for the last half hour of class, I want you to have a conversation with the person sitting next to you. Take some notes and you will have to present five interesting things on each other next time. Sound easy? Okay, good, now get started!" Mrs. O'Dowd said with a smile.

Ryan turned to her and said, "So..."

She sighed and said, "Yeah, so..."

They both frowned for a moment, and then he asked, "What's your favorite color?"

She thought about it and then shrugged. "I don't really have one. You?"

He shrugged. "White, or black....or maybe gray...."

"So you don't really have one either?" She asked with a smirk.

He nodded and smiled a little. "I guess not."

She decided that she could use this situation to learn more about him and where he really came from. "So, you hang out with Seth Cohen?"

"Is that a problem?" he asked, cocking one eyebrow tauntingly.

"No, it's just weird. No one hangs out with him..." she explained.

"Well, maybe you guys are all just a bunch of idiots," he suggested, quickly getting defensive.

She raised her hands in surrender and said, "I'm just telling you how things are. Whether it's right or wrong depends on how you look at it. Now, tell me about your parents."

"I don't have any," he said, his eyes going empty. The loss of emotion shocked and even slightly scared her.

"Come on, everyone has parents," she pushed.

His eyes narrowed at her and in a threatening way he said, "Just don't, okay?"

"Fine."

"Good."

She sighed and looked at the clock; they still had another twenty minutes. "Okay, I know, do you have any brothers or sisters?"

He was silent for a minute and she thought he was going to get upset again, but then he said, "One: Seth."

"Oh..."

"The Cohens adopted me," he officially informed her.

"Why?" She asked before she could stop herself.

"Because someone had to," he replied quietly, his eyes staring at the desk for a long time.

She figured he wanted to change the subject so she quickly said, "I have a younger sister named Caitlin. She really gets on my nerves sometimes."

He looked up at her with a sad smile and asked, "Is that so?"

She nodded and smiled back at him. "Yeah, she is pretty cool though...even if I would never actually admit that to her face."

The teacher walked by and asked, "Are you two taking notes?"

They got out paper and a pen and the teacher smiled, then walked away. Ryan looked at her and said, "Okay, so I know that you have a younger sister, don't have a favorite color, and you steal peoples' muffins..."

"I was waiting for you to bring that up..." she said with a roll of her eyes. The smile on her face gave away her true feelings. "Okay, so I know that you were adopted by the Cohens, you have one brother, and your favorite color is either black, white, or gray."

"You know more about me than I do about you," he pointed out, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Well, what more do you want to know about me?" she asked, the question causing them both to grow silent.

"Do your parents love you?" he suddenly asked.

She gave him an odd look and said, "I guess so...."

He gave her a bitter smile and said, "Good. Any hobbies?"

She shook her head. "I don't know, I guess I like to listen to music...."

"Anything else?"

"Um, my favorite book is 'The Pact' by Jodi Picoult?"

He smiled and said, "Kirsten loves that book."

"Kirsten Cohen?" she asked.

He nodded and said, "Yeah. She even went and met the author over the summer."

"Wait, that's so cool!"

The bell rang and they both grew silent. He looked at her intently for a minute before saying, "I don't think we finished our conversation."

She stood and slung her bag over her shoulder. "What do you think we should do about that then?" She asked with a small, almost flirtatious smile.

He shrugged and gave a smile of his own. "I guess it means we have to exchange numbers so we can get our five interesting things about each other..."

"Yeah, I know, we don't want to get a bad grade, now do we?" she pointed out. She took his hand and quickly wrote down her number on his palm. She leaned in close to his ear and softly said, "Call me," before heading out the door, smirking to herself the whole way to her next class.

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"Wait, you gave him your number?!" Sarah asked exasperatedly. "But you're, like, banned from talking to new kids! Banned!"

Marissa rolled her eyes along with Summer. "This is completely business only. Exceptions can be made for situations such as these."

Sarah rolled her eyes and said, "Whatever. You are totally going against the rules here."

Marissa rolled her eyes once again. "You are being overly dramatic."

Sarah sighed and whined, "No fair, I want to give the new guy my number."

"His name is Ryan," Marissa said with an annoyed tone.

"Woah, someone's getting a little moody," Sarah commented with a smirk. "Afraid that I'm going to steal him from you?"

"Oh, please, like he would ever choose you over me," Marissa said with a small, rude laugh.

Sarah grinned wickedly and asked, "Want to bet?"

Summer quickly interjected, "Um, we should probably start heading to our lockers...."

They both ignored Summer and Marissa asked, "What do you mean by that?"

Sarah shrugged and said, "Let's see if you really can make him actually like you."

Summer weakly continued, "Cause you know, class is about to start again..."

Marissa ignored her best friend and her eyes narrowed at Sarah. "Like? That's way too easy."

"Well, what do you propose then?" Sarah asked, an evil smile on her face.

Marissa stared at Sarah for a long moment and then said, "I can make him fall in love with me by New Years."

"Four months is a long time," Sarah pointed out.

"Do you have a better idea?" Marissa challenged.

Sarah thought about it and then said, "I'll be kind and let you have that long." She paused and then said, "So the day we come back from winter break, we will get someone to judge if he loves you or not. If I win and he's not in love with you, then you will have to make sure that I am prom queen this year."

Marissa thought about this and ignored Summer's desperate looks. "And, assuming I actually go along with this, what do I get out of it?"

Sarah grinned widely and said, "It's simple: I'll stop people from always talking about you."

Marissa let herself imagine this life where she could walk down the hallway without everyone whispering behind her back or shoot her dirty looks. She never knew exactly what Sarah said to people other than the 'no socializing with outsiders' thing, but from the nasty glares she received she had to guess it was pretty bad. "Coop, think about this long and hard before giving an answer!" Summer advised.

Marissa glanced at her best friend and even though she wasn't technically allowed to speak to outsiders due to her mom's weird way of thinking, mouthed 'sorry' before looking back at Sarah. "Okay, deal," she said, and with a quick shake of their hands, sealed her fate.


	3. Cookies and Milk Are Good For You

**A/N Please stick with this story. I know this chapter is stupid, but things will get better, I promise. Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter. R/R, enjoy!**

**Chapter 3: Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you**

Ryan didn't know why, but he couldn't sleep. He'd always been able to sleep before, even when he lived in Chino. Insomnia constantly plagued his mother and even his brother, but he could always rest his head just about anywhere and fall asleep a few minutes later. Even when his parents were arguing so loud that he was sure the whole world could hear them, he would close his eyes and just imagine being anywhere else, resulting in the calmness of sleep to wash over him.

So now he was utterly confused as to why he'd been laying here in bed for three hours and still couldn't fall asleep, and didn't even feel slightly tired. He sighed and rolled over onto his side so he could see what time it was: 1:00 A.M. He rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling disguised with darkness. He sat up and rubbed his eyes with his middle finger and thumb tiredly. Why was it so hard for him to just close his eyes and fall asleep today?

_Marissa_

He heard the name whispered to him and for a moment he thought there was someone else in the room with him until he realized it was just his own crazy mind. He groaned to himself and got up out of bed. Why was a girl bothering him? What made her different that everyone else? She was pretty – well, beautiful, but that was beside the point – and he'd only had maybe two real conversations with her, both of which were for a stupid school assignment. He really didn't like the fact that she seemed almost snobby in her views towards everyone else, and he was pretty confused by what Seth had said earlier that day, or rather, yesterday.

He sighed and thought back to earlier that night when he had called her so that they could 'finish their project.' Well, that's what he said it was. In actuality he had just been looking for a chance to talk to her and maybe even get to know her. Who knew, maybe they could be friends. Or more. Not that he was thinking about that.

_He nervously stared at his phone and contemplated if he should call her or not. He'd programmed her number into his phone right after class so all he had to do was look up her name and press dial. It would take a few seconds at most, so why was he so afraid? It wasn't like he was asking her out or anything, or even talking to her about something really important. He was just calling to finish their assignment for Speech, that's all. _

_When he was done talking himself into it, he anxiously reached for the phone and called her number before he could stop himself. He listened as it rang and tried to calm himself down. _She was just a girl_, he told himself. _Yeah, a really hot one, _he retaliated in his mind. He was interrupted from his thoughts by a breathless, "Hello?"_

"_Um, hey, it's me, Ryan..." He managed to get out, slapping his forehead at how dumb he sounded._

"_Ryan..." She prodded, and then he realized she probably didn't know who he was. '_Wow, am I that forgettable?'_ He thought bitterly_

"_Ryan Atwood...from Speech class," he said. _

"_Oh..." she said, still sounding unsure._

"_We sit next to each other," he said with a sigh. "We shared the muffin..."_

"_Oh, _Ryan_," she said, recognition finally in her voice. "_I told you that!_" he thought to himself. "So, what's up?" she asked after a moment._

"_Well, we had that speech assignment, remember?" He reminded her._

"_Mhmm, what about it?" she asked, her tone giving no indication that she understood the importance of the call...even though she'd been the one to give him her number so that they could finish this assignment._

"_Well, we still need to finish it, and I figured it now was a good time..."_

"_Oh, so you want to talk?" she asked, a smile in her voice._

_He shook his head and said, "No, not talk, just finish the assignment. You know, so that we can get a good grade..." She was quiet for a minute and he asked, "Marissa, you there?"  
_

"_Yeah, I'm here," she said. "But you said you didn't want to talk, so I was being quiet." _

_He rolled his eyes and heard a small giggle come from the phone. "Very funny."_

"_I know, I'm pretty hilarious if I do say so myself," she said with amusement attached to her words. "So, what do you want to talk about?"_

_  
He shrugged even though he knew she couldn't see him and said, "I don't know."_

"_You're very helpful," she replied sarcastically._

"_Oh, I know."_

_  
She was quiet for a moment as she thought and then said, "Okay, what do you plan to do when you graduate?"  
_

_He though about it and then said, "I honestly don't even know. I never really thought of it before..."_

"_You do realize it's our senior year, right?" she asked incredulously._

"_I know, I just...I never had a reason to think about it before," he replied quietly._

"_Well, what do you think you want to do?" she asked._

_  
"I don't know...does it matter?"  
_

"_Yeah, it's kind of important what you're going to do with your life," she pointed out softly._

_He remained silent for a few moments. "I guess I want to be an architect or something like that."_

"_What about college?"_

_He gave a small snort. "Right, like I'd ever be let into college."_

"_Why not?" _

"_Because, I'm not really college material," he said, remembering his life in Chino. "Believe me."_

"_Everyone can be college material if they try hard enough to be," she said quietly._

"_I can't. My future was decided for me long before we met," he remarked._

"_What's that supposed to mean?" she asked confusedly._

_He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Oh, look at that, it's getting late. We should continue this conversation tomorrow or something. Bye." _

"_But –"_

_He hung up before she could finish._

He hadn't meant to be so rude, it just sort of happened. He couldn't talk about his past, not anymore. Going through it was hard enough.

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Marissa woke up the next day and yawned tiredly. She'd been up late doing all the homework from the first day of school, something she always thought was wrong. Seriously, why did there have to be homework on the first day of school?

However, that wasn't the only reason she had stayed up late last night. There was one more factor: Ryan Atwood. He'd been so adorable on the phone when the conversation started. She'd known immediately it was him, already able to recognize his voice, but she thought it was fun to watch him squirm. Playing hard to get was effortless for her, and it worked every time. She especially needed it to work this time because of her bet with Sarah.

Things had been fine, or at least she thought they had, but then Ryan got defensive again. He'd done that during class too when talking about his parents and it was really made her wonder what had happened to him. Ryan confused her, and she'd never been confused by a guy before. Guys were so easy to read because they all wanted the same thing: sex. Not that she'd ever had it with a guy. Nope, Marissa Cooper was a senior in high school and still a virgin...not that any of her friends – not including Summer – would believe her.

Back to Ryan. He completely vexed her. How could someone so good looking and fun in one moment be so defensive and brooding in the next? As she got ready and headed to school she thought of him. No boy had ever really gotten to her before like he had. She found that even though they hadn't known each other long she wanted to learn everything there was to know about him. He was really mysterious and completely fascinating to her. Not to mention the added bonus that he was also completely forbidden.

Her mom had found out about the new addition to the Cohen family and immediately freaked. "You will not go near that boy!" she'd shouted at Marissa, and Marissa had merely nodded her head and replied that of course she wouldn't go near him.

And this was _after_ the bet she'd made with Sarah. She'd never lived so dangerously before. And based on everything she'd learned about Ryan in the past day, he did seem dangerous to her, though he didn't scare her. He had this darkness about him, almost like something horrible had happened to him, or maybe he'd been the one to do something horrible.

She shook the thought from her head and walked into the school, immediately heading towards the lounge so she could meet up with her friends. She entered and saw everyone in their usual corner so she started to walk to the spot when she felt a warm hand gently touch her shoulder. She felt a weird warm sensation and quickly turned to be met with a pair of gorgeous blue eyes.

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Ryan knew he was a jerk to Marissa last night and that he needed to do something about it, so he decided to apologize. Well, that was easier said than done since he'd never been the apologizing type, even if the person really deserved one. But things were different with Marissa, or at least he wanted it to be. He needed someone that he could just talk to, someone that didn't hold any extra baggage. Someone other than the Cohens. Considering she was the only person he'd really talked to , she seemed to be the number one choice.

So while he was waiting he tried to run over what he'd say in his head. After a few minutes of just thinking he'd decided he should take further action and present her with a gift. After all, as the saying goes, "Always have something to bring to the table because it makes you more welcome." He figured that it fit this situation. He'd made his way to the counter and bought a carton of milk and a really large cookie. He knew it was weird and that she probably wouldn't eat or drink his gift, but it was worth a shot, right?

When she walked in he was standing at the counter after just receiving his purchases. He didn't know why, but he stopped to stare at her for a second. She was beautiful, there was no denying it, and she had a really nice smile. He mentally kicked himself for thinking about her smile. What was it about this girl that had him like this?

He walked over to her and tapped her shoulder, then became transfixed with the odd feeling he got after he touched her. Was it his mind playing tricks on him, or were there...sparks? Geez, he sounded just like one of those romance books he'd caught Kirsten reading. She turned to face him and their eyes connected. He swore he'd never seen eyes like hers. "Um, hi.." he managed to get out after a minute of intense staring.

"Hey," she replied quietly, ripping her eyes from his so that she could look down at her fidgeting fingers.

"Um, I, uh, well, I wanted to give you this..." he stuttered out, remembering that he was holding a carton of milk and a large cookie. He lifted the gifts so she could see. She looked first at the milk and cookie, then back up at his face with an amused expression.

"Um, thank you?" She said, more of a question than a real showing of gratitude.

"Well, you know what they say..." He said with a shrug.

"Actually no, what do they say?" She asked, raising one eyebrow at him in wonder.

He thought about it and then said, "I really don't know..." He rubbed the back of his neck and looked down at the milk and cookie. "I don't know why I said that..."

She let out a small laugh and then quickly covered her mouth. She took the milk and cookie from him and amusedly said, "Well, thank you for my milk and cookie. I will enjoy them..." She turned to leave.

She couldn't leave though, he hadn't even apologized yet! "Wait, I have something else for you."

She turned around and looked at him. "Not anymore food, I hope?"

"Hey, what's wrong with my food?" he joked.

She laughed and said, "Nothing, I just think that this is enough." She looked at him for a long time and when he didn't say anything asked, "So, what's up?"

He looked into her eyes intently and softly said, "I wanted to apologize about last night. I shouldn't have hung up on you. It was rude of me and I hope you can forgive me because I really only know you and Seth in this school, and being forced to only spend time with Seth is a violation of the eighth amendment of the Constitution." She looked at him with a bewildered expression so he added, "You know, cruel and unusual punishment. Seth never stops talking and it can get really annoying. I mean, how many times can you hear about sailing or comic books or some weird Japanese crap that he's into? I mean, come on, it really gets annoying when somebody just won't be quiet..."

"Ryan," she interrupted with a small smile. "You're rambling."

He blushed a little and said, "Oh, right, um, sorry."

She bit her lip and said, "And by the way, apology accepted. I should be apologizing too. I went a little too far last night."

He shrugged and said, "It's fine."

"Marissa, come here already!" he heard some girl shout. He didn't take his eyes from hers though and she didn't take hers from him.

"I should probably go, duty calls," she said after a moment, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

He nodded and quietly said, "Yeah, I guess I'll let you get to that then." She turned to walk away again but then he asked, "Wait, can I call you again tonight?"

She tried really hard to hide the smile starting to form on her face. "Whatever you want. Bye Ryan."

He watched her walk away from him and stayed glued to the spot he was in, unable to take his eyes off of her. How could one girl affect him so much? Did he seriously just ramble? She got to the table with her friends and he turned around to find Seth. He needed a distraction so that he could stop thinking about someone who could quite possibly be the most beautiful girl in the world.

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"Oh my god, he was like, totally just checking you out," Summer whispered to her friend when Marissa sat down.

Marissa tried to hide her smile. "He's so adorable. He seriously bought me a milk and cookie as an apology gift. How sweet is that?"

Summer laughed and asked, "Seriously, Coop? That is so cute!"

Marissa took a bite of her gigantic cookie and looked over at Sarah who was glowering in her seat. She smirked and said, "I know. I don't even have to do anything and he's already falling for me."

"Oh please, a milk and cookie are far from love," Sarah interjected with an annoyed look.

"Says the girl who's cookie-less," Marissa taunted, smirking at the girl. "Admit it, Sarah, I'm totally going to win this bet."

"It's only day two of the whole thing. Who's to say he won't end up hating you by the end of the thing?" Sarah asked with a raise of her eyebrows. "I mean, everyone that knows you for more than a day ends up hating you anyways." Her taunting eyes drove Marissa mad. What made it worse was that she actually did strike a chord with Marissa.

"Whatever, Sarah. Just wait and see," Marissa said, getting up and leaving the table. "Bye guys, I need to get to class." Marissa quickly fled from the lounge before anyone could see her tears.

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Ryan nervously paced around the pool house that night just like he had last night. He knew he shouldn't be afraid of calling a girl, but as pathetic as it sounded, he was terrified. He sighed and sat down on his bed, picking up his phone and dialing Marissa's number. "Here I go making a fool of myself again," he mumbled to himself as the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Um, hey Marissa..." He said, rubbing his face tiredly. "It's Ryan."

"I know," she said with a smile in her voice. "I recognize your voice now after all that talking you did earlier today."

"Don't remind me," he groaned, rolling his eyes at himself.

"I thought it was completely adorable of you to be so nervous around a girl," she teased.

"Okay, stop right there, Cooper," he said. "I, Ryan Atwood, am not adorable. No even close. So get that idea out of your head right now."

She let out a small burst of laughter. "Oh, sure you're not," she teased.

"I'm not," he argued. "I'm just a little...uh..."

"A little what?" she prodded. "Shy?"

"No! I'm not shy either! I'm just..." he sighed and exasperatedly said, "I don't know!"

She giggled and said, "You're adorable. Absolutely adorable. But you know what, it's okay."

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

"So, I take it that there was a point to you calling me besides this?" she said, moving the conversation along.

"Yeah, we still need to finish our conversation from last night," he pointed out.

"Oh, right, that. Where were we?" she asked, suddenly sounding bored.

"Well, I think I need to know what you want to do when you graduate since you pestered me about it."

She was silent for a while and then said, "I honestly think I want to be a teacher or something like that. I want to help people, you know?"

"And a teacher is the best fit for that? Why not be a doctor or something?" he asked, completely curious from her choice.

She sighed. "I thought about that, or maybe being a nurse, but I think that I could help out more this way. I would never tell my friends, but I think that teachers are so cool. If you have a good teacher, you'll always remember what they tell you. I had this teacher once, Miss Reeves, and she was just so neat. I learned everything from her, like how to write correctly and stuff. I want to be that to somebody....I want to be the person that make such an impression on someone that I can't be forgotten."

"Believe me, you won't be forgotten," he softly said.

"How do you know?" she argued.

"I just can," he said. "Now, onto the next question..."

"I want to ask one," she butted in.

"Okay, fine, what do you want to ask?"

She thought about it and then asked, "What's your favorite band?"

"That's easy: Journey."

"Journey? They're alright, I guess," she teased.

"They are awesome. Why, band do you like?" he asked with a roll of his eyes, yet a smile plastered on his face.

"Well, right now I really like Rooney because I went and saw the in concert over the summer," she informed him.

"I've never heard of them," he admitted with a small smile. "But I'm sure that they're great..."

"Yeah, they are. So what do you want to talk about now?"

He didn't know why he said it, but suddenly he blurted out, "Do you think maybe you'd want to go out with me sometime?"

"Like, on a date?" she asked carefully.

"No, not a date per say, just a..." He didn't know how to continue. "Okay, yeah, a date." He really hoped she'd say yes.

"Yeah, I guess that could be okay," she said, trying to keep her tone neutral.

"Okay, yeah, that's great," he said, trying not to seem overly excited about it.

He heard some weird noises in the background and her cursing under her breath. "So my friend just arrived out of the blue so I have to go, but we can talk about this tomorrow at school?" She hopefully asked.

He smiled widely and said, "Yeah, sure, that's fine."

"Bye, Ryan," he heard her say softly and perhaps a little shyly.

"Bye Marissa," he said and then hung up the phone and threw it on his bed, dancing a little bit.

"So Ryan I was thinking we could play...are you dancing?" Seth asked, smirking at his friend. "Wow, I can't believe this."

Ryan pretended to glare at Seth and said, "I was not dancing."

"But you were moving your body in a way that resembled a 'happy dance' buddy. That's called dancing."

"Whatever Seth, I think you're seeing things. But come on, let's go play the PS3 in the living room," Ryan said, patting his friend's shoulder as he passed him to get to the main house.

Seth followed after Ryan and scratched his head in puzzlement. "I swear he was dancing," he mumbled to himself, and then followed Ryan so that they could play video games.


	4. Flush

**A/N Sorry for the delay. I didn't want to take so long, but I was busy with school. Now I am out on summer break, so I should be posting more frequently. Just a hint, the faster I get my reviews, the faster I post. Speaking of reviews, I am very grateful for the ones I received for this chapter. Thank you so much, you really brighten up my day. This story is going to get pretty dramatic in parts as Ryan tells Marissa about his past. Look for that. I'm sorry if some parts are confusing , but it'll make sense eventually. R/R, enjoy!**

**Chapter 4: Flush**

It was decided that Ryan and Marissa's first date would be at the annual kickoff carnival. Since Marissa was social chair, she was the one in charge of the whole ordeal, something Ryan was pretty impressed with. He'd never met a girl that not only looked beautiful, but also had good grades and was involved in extracurricular activities. It seemed that the only flaw to Marissa Cooper was her reputation as a snob, which he honestly didn't understand. She seemed like a really nice girl, so where was the problem?

Marissa's reputation was a bit of an annoying problem. Seth, for one, seemed completely flabbergasted when Ryan asked the Cohens if he could borrow the car so he could drive a date to the carnival that Friday. Everyone had stared at him with confused expressions on their faces, especially Seth who hadn't known Ryan even talked to anyone other than his adoptive brother and his friends at school. "What's her name?" Sandy had asked with a raise of his eyebrows, taking a forkful of food into his mouth.

Ryan had looked at his food and mumbled, "Marissa Cooper."

Seth nearly choked. "Wait, wait, wait, Marissa Cooper as in 'Miss I-Don't-Talk-to-Strangers' Marissa Cooper?"

Ryan shrugged. "I don't know, is there more than one?"

Sandy looked at Ryan, equally disturbed. "Marissa Cooper, as in the next door neighbor?"

Ryan nodded and said, "Yep, that's her."

"Jimmy's daughter? What are the chances of that?" Kirsten said, looking at Sandy with raised eyebrows. "Of all people."

"Is that...a problem?" Ryan asked, hoping to God that it wasn't

"No, no, not at all!" Kirsten clarified. "I just used to date Jimmy, that's all."

"You dated Marissa's dad?" he asked, with his own eyebrows raised.

She nodded. "Yeah, all through high school. Then I went to college and met Sandy..." She smiled at her husband.

Sandy smiled back and then looked at Ryan. "But Marissa Cooper? Way to go, kid."

Ryan looked at his food uncomfortably, not wanting to smile or show any emotion. "Uh, thanks."

"No, not 'way to go' dad. This is Marissa Cooper we're talking about," Seth protested. Everyone stared at him confusedly.

"I don't see what the big deal is," Ryan said, taking a bite of his food.

"The big deal is that she is a total snob. She ignores all the new kids and acts like anyone not from Newport is below her..."

"Sounds like Julie," Sandy said with a small chuckle.

"But I thought her mom was from Riverside," Ryan said, remembering a conversation he'd had with Marissa a couple of days ago. They talked on the phone and occasionally at school when she could escape from her friends and the curious eyes of the school. It had been about a week since he'd asked her out. They hadn't gone on a date that previous weekend because Marissa's relatives flew in for the weekend and she didn't want to be rude and leave them. Since she lived next door, he knew that her story was true.

"She is," Kirsten said with a roll of her eyes.

"Okay..." Ryan said, now completely confused. He didn't understand these Newport people.

"Anyways!" Seth butt in. Everyone looked at him again. "She is a bitch."

Kirsten glared at her son. "Seth, watch your language at the table."

"What?" he asked innocently. "It's true."

"She's changed," Ryan said with a shrug. "Don't read that much into it."

"I don't believe she changed," Seth said with a roll of his eyes. "People don't change. Once a snob, always a snob."

"So you don't believe in giving people second chances?" Ryan asked, his face and voice blank.

"No, I don't," Seth said with a shake of his head. "We never really deserve second chances. Especially not Marissa Cooper."

Sandy understood Ryan's real motive for the question too late. "May I be excused?" Ryan asked, already standing and pushing in his chair.

"Ryan..." Sandy said softly.

"I'll be in the pool house," Ryan mumbled, then walked away, leaving Kirsten and Seth looking after him confusedly and Sandy looking after the poor boy with a heart full of sadness.

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Marissa was nervous. Painfully nervous. Breathtakingly nervous. She was so nervous, she couldn't think clearly, much less get ready for her date with Ryan. The crazy thing was that she didn't understand why she was nervous. The date with Ryan wasn't a real date, just her trying to get him to fall in love with her. It was just a part of the bet, just a way to prove herself to Sarah and everyone else. Nothing else, right?

But then why whenever she thought of Ryan, her stomach felt all fluttery and her mind fuzzy? Why when she was around him did she feel like her heart would beat right out of her chest? Why was it when their hands accidentally brushed each other's, she felt like a million fireworks were popping inside her body. And even more importantly, why did she like those feelings?

She paced nervously as she waited for him, biting her lip nervously. She had gotten ready a bit too early and now she had a full half hour before he was supposed to pick her up. A full half hour! Why did she get ready so damn early? Why did she feel like she was going absolutely crazy? She caught sight of the phone on her nightstand and decided it would be best to call Summer. Summer would know what to do. She picked up the phone, dialed the number and waited. "Coop?"

"Hey Sum," she said, trying to keep her voice normal. "What's up?"

Summer laughed a little. "Nothing much, what's up with you? Aren't you supposed to be on a date or something?"

"Oh, no, not yet. Ryan's not going to be here for another..." She looked at the clock. "Twenty seven minutes. Not that I'm counting, I'm just good with math. I can do it quickly."

"How many minutes now?"

"Twenty six..." she said, then inwardly cursed herself.

Summer laughed. "You are so looking forward to this date."

"I am not!" she protested.

"So you don't want to go out with Ryan?" Summer asked with amusement in her voice.

"Well, yeah, I do, but it's completely business only!" Marissa clarified.

"So you're saying you don't like the guy at all, you're just using him to win the bet?" Summer asked.

Marissa sighed. "You know it's not like that."

"Then stop telling yourself it is," Summer said with a sigh, suddenly getting serious. "You know what I think about this, Coop. Someone's going to get hurt."

"No, no one is going to get hurt," Marissa said with a shake of her head. "It'll all work out in the end."

"And how will that happen? You're going to magically make Ryan fall in love with you and then when judgment day comes, what happens then? How do you think he'll feel when he knows that the only reason you're with him is because of bet?"

"Well..."

"Exactly. Stop thing now, before things get bad."

Marissa heard the doorbell ring and looked at the clock. He was fifteen minutes early! Good thing she was ready already. Talking to Summer wasn't really fun anymore. "He's here, gotta go, bye!"

"You better -" Marissa hung up the phone before Summer could finish. She grabbed her purse, cellphone and keys, then went downstairs. Her dad was about to answer the door, but she quickly went passed him, saying, "Hi, bye, off to the carnival!"

"Okay..." Jimmy said, looking at her like she was crazy before continuing to walk down the hall.

She went out the door, closing it behind her, being met with Ryan for the beginning of their date. He stood there in jeans and a black shirt that was tight enough to show off his amazing muscles. She tried not to stare, but found that she couldn't help it. "Hi," he mumbled quietly, rubbing the back of his neck and looking at the ground nervously.

She couldn't help it, she smiled. "Hey," she replied. No matter how she felt on the inside, this was Ryan and Ryan was perhaps the most adorable boy she'd ever met.

"So, we should go..." he said, then turned and walked back towards the car. He opened her door for her – something no boy had ever done for her – and shut it gently behind her. He went around and got into the driver's seat, got in, and turned the car on. "How are you?" he asked as he started to drive.

She shrugged and said, "I'm fine. You?"

"Good," he said with a small nod. She bit her lip to hide her smile. "So how many of these carnivals have you made?" He asked, glancing at her quickly before turning back to the road.

"Three. I got elected as social chair at the end of freshman year and I've been doing it since," Marissa said, remembering the thrill of being elected. "I thought it was a pretty cool job, and was really surprised to get elected."

"It's quite an honor," he said, looking at her with a small half smile that melted her heart.

She nodded. "Yep. But not quite as big an honor as being asked on a date by the mysterious Ryan Atwood."

"Mysterious?" he asked with a raise of his eyebrows.

She giggled a little. "That's what everyone says at school. You're the hot, mysterious Ryan Atwood. Everyone wants a piece of you." She thought of the disgusted look of all the guys. "Actually, scratch that, all the girls want a piece of you."

He rolled his eyes. "People need to seriously get a life. There are better things to do than talk about me. Believe me, I'm nothing special."

"I beg to differ," she said softly before she could stop herself.

They stopped at a stoplight and he looked over at her with a shocked expression. She blushed deeply and looked away, trying to find a distraction out the window. "Thanks," he said quietly, then drove ahead again on the green.

"Don't mention it," she muttered back. She was too embarrassed to turn and see, but she was pretty sure he was smiling.

When they got to the carnival, she could already see people had arrived and were having fun. She got out of the car and walked with Ryan to the entrance. He looked around and then at her. "I've never been to a carnival before," he told her before looking back at the scene before them in amazement. With the lights against the night sky and water in the background it looked like a scene from a movie.

"Really?" she asked, her eyes widening.

He nodded and said, "Yeah, really."

"Why?" she asked curiously.

He shrugged and his eyes clouded over, the defensive mask coming over his face. She had come to know what it looked like when he didn't feel like talking about his past, and she figured this was one of those times. "My mom had better things to do," he said, looking at her with those empty blue eyes. She hated it when he looked at her like that.

"Well, I'll do my best to give you the best experience ever," she said, reaching out her hand for him to take.

He stared at it for a moment, then took her hand and laced their fingers together. It felt like a million sparks were going through her body and her heart started beating hard in her chest. "Sounds great," he said with that half smile of his she loved.

They walked around and she showed him everything from the games to concession stands to the rides. He took it all in with a curious expression and she could tell he was actually enjoying himself. After a while he seemed to loosen up and shed his usual reserved attitude. He smiled more and his eyes even sparkled as he spoke to her. More than once she just wanted to lean in and kiss those lips of his and see if they tasted as good as she imagined, but she would chicken out at the last minute.

Finally, after about an hour of walking around, he looked at her and said, "You know, this is the first date I've ever been on?"

She looked at him with a shocked expression on her face. "Really?"

He nodded. "I never really dated girls in Chino. I hung out with them, but it was never exclusive."

"Is this...exclusive?" she asked softly. She stopped and tugged on his hand so that he was facing her. She stared into those blue eyes of him and found she was really hoping he said yes.

He shrugged and shifted in his spot uncomfortably. "I guess, I mean, is that okay?"

She couldn't believe what he was hearing. "So you want to be my boyfriend?" she teased softly, squeezing his hand so that he'd look up into her eyes.

He looked into her eyes with a shy expression on his face. "Yeah, I mean..." There was a loud sound as someone banged down on the metal piece a game with the huge hammer as they tried to see how high they could make the thing go up. Suddenly his eyes glazed over and he doubled back like something had physically hit him.

"Ryan?" she asked worriedly. He didn't seem to hear her, just stared off into space like he was lost in thought. She squeezed his hand and softly asked, "Ryan? Are you okay? What's wrong?"

He blinked quickly and then looked at her like he was seeing her for the first time. "Sorry, I just..." He got that distant look of his and then said, "I need to go. I need to get out of here."

He started to walk away but she couldn't let him leave her. Not only was he her ride, but he also seemed like he was in a bad state right now. She couldn't leave him when he was like this, not if she was trying to protect him. "No, you need to stay here. Talk to me, tell me what's going on with you."

He shook his head and said, "I need to go. I can't be here, not when I'm..." He paused abruptly and then said, "Just let me go. Please."

She shook her head and held onto his hand tightly, dragging him with her to the ferris wheel. "No, you're staying here, and we're going to talk."

"I'm afraid of heights," he said with an empty voice.

"I don't care."

They sat down and got the safety bar put over them. He remained silent as they started moving, clutching the bar tightly. She put her hand over his and rubbed his knuckles gently with her thumb. "Now, are you going to tell me what's going on?"

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_Ryan couldn't stand the yelling._

_It was the same every night and he was sick of it. He was sick of the cussing and hurtful words thrown carelessly between both of the adults in the other room. He was sick of the way he heard bottles breaking as both of them threw their beer bottles at each other's heads, or at least attempted to before missing it completely and hitting the wall five feet away instead. He was tired of the glares he received from the neighbors when he went out for walks or rode his bike to school. He was tired of the looks of pity Theresa and her mom gave him when he arrived at their house at three in the morning because he just couldn't stay in the house anymore. _

_He was sick of the way his mom's boyfriend, Julian talked about him like he was a stupid, worthless piece of shit, of the way he mother would just stand there and not defend him. He was tired of the way the house would get quiet except for the occasional snort of cocaine or burp emanating from Julian after he took a large gulp of his whiskey. _

_He was sick of the drugs; of the cocaine, marijuana, heroine, ecstasy and LSD. He was sick of the tattooed, balding men that arrived at their front door looking for Julian, their hands twitching and their eyes darting around crazily as they waited for their next fix. He was tired of turning his head the other way and pretending like his mother wasn't dating a drug dealer._

_Basically, he was just plain old tired._

_He didn't know why tonight was different than any other night, but he got to the point where he just couldn't take it anymore. He decided he was going to do something; he was going to make things better. He was going to put an end to this endless cycle of pain and yelling. He was going to make things okay for his mom again. He was going to make their life easier. He was going to get rid of the drugs._

_He decided to sneak into his mom's bedroom where he knew Julian kept his stash: the nightstand and underwear drawer. He'd seen the guy get them from those two places and those two places only. He wasn't sure if these were the only two places, but he figured it was worth a shot. Julian and his mom were out and due back in about half an hour so he had to work quickly. He opened the nightstand and was met with bags upon bags of cocaine and countless other drugs. It baffled him how Julian could get a hold of all of these drugs, but it confused him even more why they were still living in this poor excuse for a house if he was able to get any success from this._

_He stuffed his pockets with the drugs and then went over to the underwear drawer. He picked out all of the bags he found in there and then quickly made his way to the bathroom. He dumped it and flushed the toilet, watching the drugs slowly disappear from his view. He imagined this was supposed to symbolize how his life was going to be from now on: all the bad was being flushed down the drain and in its place was a clean new slate, just like the clean water in the toilet. People always told him how you have to get rid of the bad in your life so you can make room for the good, and he figured that flushing these drugs was a smart decision._

_He never heard them come in._

_He never heard Julian walk to the bedroom to look for his stash so he could snort some before heading out to make a deal with a potential client, only to realize his stash was gone._

_He did hear the yelling and the breaking down of the bathroom door._

_He did feel his body being picked up and thrown into the living room in a rage._

_He did feel his body being kicked, his ribs breaking as Julian's boots made contact with them over and over again._

_He did hear his mother yelling at Julian to stop, but Julian shouting, "You little bitch! Do you know how much money you just wasted me?! Do you?! I'm going to make you pay you little fuck!"_

_He did feel Julian's hard fists making contact with his face, and the pain associated with being beaten to a pulp by a man much older and bigger than he was._

_He remembers the sound of a gunshot that forever changed his life._

_He remembers thinking, "I never should've tried to make things better."_

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Ryan looked down at his tightly clenched fists and tried to keep his breathing even as he told the story to Marissa. When he finished, he refused to look at her. He'd never told anyone that story before except for Sandy, and that was only because he was Ryan's lawyer and basically forced to. After Marissa was sure he was finished, she softly said, "I'm so sorry, Ryan. I never knew it was that bad. I never thought you went through something like that. I can't even begin to imagine what it was like..."

He shook his head and bluntly said, "No, you can't, and you're lucky. Let's keep it at that."

She felt the sting of his words in her heart, but she knew he didn't really mean it. He was just vulnerable and unwilling to be made to look like the victim. She sighed and gently said, "Ryan, look at me."

He shook his head and said, "No, I can't. I can't look at you after telling you that, and you shouldn't want me to. I ruined everything."

She shook her head and gently said, "No, you didn't. So you flushed a lot of money's worth of drugs down a toilet. How did that ruin everything?"

"It's what happened afterwards," he said with a sigh.

She looked at him and asked, "Well, what happened afterwards?"

He sighed and looked at her with pain-filled eyes. "Can we talk about this some other time? Please? I can't take this much in one day, much less in a few minutes."

She studied him for a moment and decided what he was saying was true; he looked horrible. She nodded and gently said, "Okay, but you aren't a horrible person, no matter what you tell yourself." He rolled his eyes and snorted, looking away from her again. She sighed and placed a hand on the side of his head, turning it to face her. "I barely know you, but I know enough about you to know that you're a great person that cares a lot about others."

"How could you possibly know that?" he asked incredulously.

"Because I agreed to go on a date with you," she said with a large sigh. "And I wouldn't do this if I thought you were some psycho, creepy guy..." She leaned in and pressed her lips against his. He was surprised, but soon started to kiss her back. And soon she found that there was nothing better than kissing Ryan Atwood.

His lips were slightly chapped yet so soft and delicious that she didn't want to ever pull away. He slid his hand up her arm to the side of her face, cupping her cheek tenderly in his hand. He gently sucked on her bottom lip, eliciting a small moan from her throat. She pulled back a little and said, "You're a really, really good kisser."

He smiled and murmured, "So are you." He brushed his lips against hers again and slid his tongue along her bottom lip, tasting her strawberry lip gloss. They were interrupted by the guy working the ferris wheel asking if they wanted to go another round. Ryan nodded and then turned back to Marissa, earning a small giggle from her. He pecked her lips one last time, then softly said, "Thanks, for everything."

She smiled at him and said, "You're welcome. Who knew you were so easy to manipulate?"

He rolled his eyes and said, "I am not easy to manipulate."

She laughed and said, "I just got you to calm down with a kiss. I must be really good."

He smiled a little and said, "Whatever you say, Cooper."

She just smiled and leaned her head on his shoulder. She took hold of one of his hands and played with it as they sat in silence. Then she finally said, "So we never finished talking about our current status in this relationship." She turned and looked at him with a shy smile.

He looked out at the people walking around the grounds and even though he was afraid of heights, he decided with Marissa next to him, he could deal with it. He thought back to the way she made him feel better about his past and decided he would eventually tell her the whole story about that night when he was ready. But until then, he wanted her to be a big part in his life, and he right now with her by his side he felt like he could face the world. He looked at her and their eyes connected, just like they'd done many times in the past couple of weeks. He gave her a half smile and softly asked, "Will you be my girlfriend?"

She grinned widely and leaned in to press her lips against his in a happy kiss. She kept her forehead against his as she said, "Of course," and then leaned in to kiss him again and again, forgetting about how she was supposed to be winning over Ryan's heart, not Ryan winning over hers.

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**So, I'm going to try to start replying to you guys again. Here it goes:**

**Juzzy88: **Thank you.

**Elly: **I'm glad you enjoy it.

**Marissa Davis: **I don't think the question is whether or not she will win, but what will happen if she does. Oh, and the name of the song for 'Say the Words' is 'Say the Words' by dc Talk.

**Ninpinpin: **Thank you.

**oc_bunney: **It hasn't gotten to the good part yet!

**Kellybby: **That's good, I'm glad.

**Bwunnies: **I will : )

**snowwygirl4: **Thank you. The movie version is kind of different from the book. I personally love the book, and Jodi Picoult is really nice and funny as hell.

**G: **Why thank you!

**Georgie: **Okay, if you say so.

**RJ: **Thank you.

**Hopelesslyhalfhearted: **I like your username, it's different. I'm glad you like it.


	5. Wash Your Hands Before You Eat

**A/N I meant to write on Sunday, but I kept getting distracted, so that was my bad. I was very pleased with my reviews coming so quickly, so you guys deserve a big thank you for that. I made myself sit down and plan out the whole story today so that I knew which chapters go where and when the big things are going to happen. Remember, the faster you review, the faster I'll write. So again, thanks for my reviews, and I hope you like this chapter! **

**Ch. 5: Wash Your Hands Before You Eat**

Marissa couldn't wipe the smile off her face as she made her way towards her friends Monday morning. She'd spent most of the weekend hanging out with Ryan, getting to know him a little better. He wouldn't come out and talk about his past openly, but with enough prodding she could figure out a few aspects of it without causing him any pain or sorrow remembering it. In fact, he seemed almost happy to talk about some things like his old best friend Theresa and the things they used to do together. She even got him to open up about his first kiss, after offering him quite a few of her own.

_She leaned back on his bed and played with a soccer ball he had in his room. "Oh, I have one for you: who was your first kiss?"_

_He snorted and looked over at her. "I am not telling you that."_

_  
She turned and looked at him. "Aw, come on, why not? I really want to know!"_

_He shook his head and said, "Nope, not going to tell you. It'll be too awkward."_

"_And what's going to be awkward about it?" She asked, rolling her eyes. "I have you now, and I plan on keeping it that way, so there's no need to worry about that. I'm really curious. Was she pretty?"_

_He sighed and leaned back in the chair he was sitting in. "I don't know, I guess. I did kiss her, after all."  
_

"_Oh, so you kissed her first, she didn't kiss you?" she asked with a smirk, her eyes sparkling at this little bit of information._

_He shrugged. "Yeah, I guess."_

_She patted the spot next to her on the bed. "Come here."_

He raised and eyebrow. "Why?"

_She rolled her eyes and laughed a little. "Just get your shy ass over here so I can kiss you." He willingly obliged and fell onto the spot next to her. She leaned in and kissed him passionately on the lips, hovering over him, his fingers gently raking through her hair. "Did you kiss her like this..." She gave him a quick peck, then asked, "Or like this?" She leaned in and kissed him deeply, sliding her tongue into his mouth. He moaned a little and ran his hands up and down her back as they kissed, not sure where he wanted them to rest. She pulled back and grinned at him. "So?"_

_He sighed and said, "You're not going to let this go, are you?"_

_She shook her head and smirked. "You should just tell me now. I'm known to be pretty persistent."  
_

_He looked at her for a long moment, debating whether or not he should tell her. She gave him the puppy dog look and he couldn't help it. "Okay, Jessica McCormick in seventh grade. We had just finished the first day of school and I asked her out, she said yes, so I leaned in and kissed her." He spoke slowly as he told the story, remembering the moment. He looked at Marissa again and asked, "There, happy?"_

_She nodded and smiled. "Yes, very. Thank you."_

"_And while we're at it, I lost my virginity to Jessica also," he said with a smirk, looking over at Marissa. _

_She turned red and looked away from him. "Okay, enough sharing about your love life."_

"You don't want to hear all about it?" he asked, laughing a little as he rolled over so he was on top. 

_  
She shook her head and made a face. "Definitely not."_

"_But you wanted to hear all about my first kiss..."_

"_Yeah, because that's back when you were innocent..." She said. She made a face. "And doing that..."_

"Having sex?" he prompted with a smirk.

_  
She nodded. "Yeah, not so innocent."_

_He laughed and rolled his eyes. "Okay. But for now, I have other things on my mind..." He raised his eyes suggestively at her._

_  
"Hmm, what could that be?" she asked, wrapping her arms around her neck as her heart pounded hard in her chest. He leaned in and kissed her softly, officially ending their conversation._

Marissa arrived at the usual table and sat down next to Summer. "What's up?" Everyone stared at her with smirks on their faces. Well, everyone but Sarah, who instead had a glare fixed on her face.

"Okay Coop, spill. What happened between you and Ryan this weekend?" Summer said, looking at her best friend excitedly.

"I have no idea what you could possibly be talking about," she said with a smirk, looking at the group of mostly eager eyes.

"Come on! We all saw you making out with Ryan Atwood on the ferris wheel at kick-off. And you call that nothing?" said a black haired girl named Allison.

Marissa smiled widely and said, "Oh right, that. What about it?"

Summer scoffed. "Give us details! Is he any good?"

Marissa nodded and smiled dreamily, remembering her kisses with Ryan. "Of course." In fact, he was the best kiss she'd ever had, but she wasn't willing to admit that.

Allison sighed dreamily. "So, did you guys, like, do anything else?"

Marissa knew what she was referring to. "We hung out the rest of the weekend just talking. Aside from the occasional make out session, nothing happened." She was so not ready to have sex yet, even with the totally gorgeous and adorable Ryan Atwood.

Sarah seemed happy by this piece of information,but didn't say anything. Summer looked at her best friend and asked, "So, what are you guys? I mean, are you friends, or..."

Marissa caught sight of Ryan walking into the lounge and smiled widely. He turned and saw her, then smiled a little at her too and waved. She waved him over and got up from the table. "Hold that thought." She walked over to Ryan and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Hey you," she said, looking into his eyes happily.

He smiled and asked, "How has your morning been?"

She leaned in and planted a soft kiss on his lips. "Much better now." She pulled back and only took one of his hands, lacing their fingers together. "So, I have some people I want you to meet."

He frowned a little and said, "I hate meeting new people..."

She gave him a look that told him he didn't have much of a choice. "You're new, and these people are my friends, so you need to know them." He shrugged and offered her a small smile. She grinned and pecked his lips quickly, murmuring, "Good boy." She walked over to the table where her friends were sitting and smiled at all of the stares. "So, guys, I want you to meet someone..." She rested her head on his shoulder and said, "This is _my boyfriend_, Ryan." She smirked at Sarah, who was sulking in the corner. "Ryan, this is Summer, Allison, Alice, Sarah, and Jackie."

Ryan nodded at all of them and said, "Nice to meet you all."

Everyone nodded and smiled dreamily at him, too caught up in staring at him to say anything else. Marissa rolled her eyes and laughed, turning to her boyfriend. "So do you want to join us?"She asked. She winked at him, "Or do you need to get to class?" She lowered her voice so no one could hear her but him and said, "Use that as your excuse to leave, or else they'll all keep staring."

He smiled at her and said, "I should probably get to class. I want to get there early today." He leaned in and kissed Marissa gently on the lips, making the butterflies in her stomach go into overdrive. "Thanks," he murmured into her ear before kissing her cheek and starting to walk away.

"Okay, well, you owe me," she said, pulling him back to her and kissing him one last time. She finally let him go and smiled as he walked away, checking him out with a smile. When he left the room she turned to her friends and sat back down. She waited for what she knew was coming.

"Oh my god, Coop! He is so hot!" She rolled her eyes, but had to agree that, yes, her boyfriend was pretty damn hot.

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That afternoon when she got home from school, Marissa was met by the annoying screaming of her mother. "Marissa Cooper, get in here right now!" She sighed, wondering what she could've possibly done this time to illicit this much anger from her mother.

"Coming, mom!" she called back, making her way to where she presumed her mother would be; the living room. When she got in there she saw her mother sitting on the couch with her arms crossed over her chest and eyes blazing. "Yes?"

"I just got a call from one of my friends. Apparently her daughter saw you and that new boy from Chino making out in the lounge this morning. You care to explain?"

Marissa sighed and plopped herself down on the large recliner. "What's there to explain? If they saw me, it must be true, right?"

That seemed to piss Julie off more than she already was. "Well, what do you have to say for yourself?!"

"Um, I don't know...what do you want me to have to say for myself?" Marissa asked with a sigh.

Julie sighed and glared at her daughter. "Do not even start copping an attitude with me, Marissa."

"Sorry," she mumbled.

"For what? Your attitude, or kissing that boy?"

Marissa sighed and rubbed her eyes, finding she was beginning to get a headache. "My attitude, I guess."

"But not for kissing the boy?"

Marissa sighed once again, her head starting to pound. "It wasn't real, mom. It's all part of a bet."

Julie paused, looking interested. "What kind of bet?"

"One of those stupid, 'if you can make so and so fall in love with you by whenever, you win' bets," Marissa said honestly. Her mother was quite the competitive bitch, so she figured she'd actually allow Marissa to continue if she knew her daughter would win something.

"Oh, well, why didn't you say that before?" Julie said, waving her hand in the air. "I thought you were trying to get back at me or something. Or worse, that you were actually falling in love with him."

Marissa rolled her eyes at her own mother's stupidity and then at how stupid she used to be. "What would be so wrong if I fell in love with him?" She asked with a sigh. "What could it hurt?"

Julie eyed her daughter suspiciously. "We've been over this before, Marissa. I just want you to have a better life than I did when I was your age. I want you to always be safe and secure, and that boy from Chino will never be able to provide that for you. He's too dangerous, you have no idea what people are saying about him."

Marissa rolled her eyes once more. "Hasn't anyone ever told you not to believe everything you hear? And besides, you've kept me away from a lot of outsiders, not just Ryan. Did people say bad things about them too?"

Julie shook her head. "This boy is worse. No one else had rumors floating around about them, but he does. A lot. Dangerous ones."

Marissa smirked. "Like what?"

"Like, he killed someone," Julie informed her daughter with a sigh. "He shot someone in cold blood."

"Who?" Marissa asked, not believing her mother for a minute.

Julie sighed and shrugged. "Who knows, but the point is that he did it."

"Okay, so let's pretend like I do believe you; why isn't he in jail?" Marissa asked, raising her eyebrows at her mother. "Why is he living with the Cohens next door and attending Harbor High School if he's a murderer?"

Julie threw her hands in the air exasperatedly. "How am I supposed to know?! The law is weird; it let's killers off the hook all the time!"

"Well, like it or not, I'm dating him because I want to win this bet," Marissa said after a minute, never taking her eyes off of her flustered mother.

"And afterwards?" Julie asked with a defeated sigh. "What are you going to do about your relationship then?"

Marissa shrugged. "I don't know just yet, I have until January to think about it. However, I will be careful." Her face softened. "I promise, if he ever does something to hurt me, whether it be physically or emotionally, I'll end it and call off the bet, okay?"

Julie smiled and said, "I guess that's all I can really ask for."

Marissa looked at her mom, completely shocked. "I thought you would take this a whole lot worse than you are."

Julie shrugged. "I don't want to make your life miserable, Marissa, I'm just looking out for you. If what you want to do is date this boy, then so be it, I just feel like you could do better." She let out a small smile. "And besides, your father's parents always hated me, so I guess I know how it feels to be on that end of the stick. I suppose I can be nice to the boy."

Marissa smiled genuinely at her mother. "Thanks, mom, it means a lot."

Julie held out her arms and gave Marissa a hug. "No problem. However, I have one condition to this."

Marissa groaned inwardly. "What?"

"I have to meet him. I have to know that he's suitable for my daughter, away from all the gossip," Julie said, pulling back and looking Marissa in the eyes. "This weekend."

"No way!" Marissa exclaimed. "I just started dating him, there's no way he'll be up to this already."

Julie stood and shrugged. "Take it or leave it, that's the only way." She started to walk away, then turned back. "Oh, your father said we're eating fish for dinner. He's making it himself. I'll call you when it's done." With that, Julie went upstairs, leaving Marissa to stare after her, biting her lip and wondering what she could do to convince Ryan to meet her mom.

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Ryan was doing his homework later that night when he heard a knock on the pool house door. "Come in!" he shouted, his eyes still glued to his book. He heard his door open and someone step in, but he didn't bother looking up, figuring it was Seth.

"Um, hey," he heard a soft voice say. His eyes immediately darted up to be met with Marissa's dazzling ones. She smiled at him and played with her hands nervously.

He set aside the book and quickly got up, walking over to her. "Hey," he said with a surprised smile. "I didn't think you were going to stop by tonight..." He placed his hands on her waist and pecked her lips, then just wrapped his arms around her and hugged her for a few seconds.

"Well, I wasn't planning on it, but then I wanted to talk to you about something," she said, pulling back and looking at him as she bit her lip nervously.

He took her hand and led her to the bed, letting her sit down so she'd become more comfortable. "What's up?" he asked gently, looking at her curiously.

She looked away from him and sighed a little. "So you know how I told you my mom isn't really big on new people?"

He nodded and softly said, "Yeah, I remember." He was thinking the worst; her mom banned Marissa from talking to him.

However, when Marissa blurted out, "Well, she wants to meet you," he was beyond shocked.

"She uh..." He trailed off, unable to speak from the shock. "She wants to meet me? Seriously?"

Marissa nodded and looked over at him, biting her lip again. "Yeah, she told me today when I got home from school. I was going to call you and tell you, but I figured since you were just right next door I could come over...." She trailed off, studying his face, looking for some kind of answer. "So, what do you think?"

He spaced off for a second, thinking about meeting Marissa's mom, but then he looked over at her. "Um, I don't know," he honestly said, offering her a small smile, though he wasn't really feeling it. "When does she want to do it?"

Marissa sighed and gently said, "This weekend, either Friday or Saturday." When Ryan didn't say anything, she gently took one of his hands and held it in both of hers. "I only ask because she said either she meets you, or we can't go out." She placed one of her hands on the side of his face so that he would look into her eyes. "And I know we've only been going out since Friday, but I don't want that to happen. I like you...a lot." She blushed slightly, but didn't tear her eyes from his.

Ryan had never had a girl tell him she wanted to be with him, or even that they liked him a lot. He'd had girls drunkenly tell him he was hot and they wanted him, but this was different; a good different. He lifted the corners of his mouth in a soft smile and quietly said, "I like you too."

She smiled and gazed into his eyes in what he perceived as a hypnotic way, almost as if she was trying to put him under a spell. "So, what do you say?"

He remained silent for a long moment, then said, "Well, I suppose I could meet her this Saturday..."

She grinned widely, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Really, you mean it?" she asked, her face just centimeters from his.

He nodded, which made their faces brush. He closed the gap between them and gently pressed his lips to hers, once again getting the chance to taste her delicious lips. "Of course," he murmured. He leaned her down onto the bed, deepening the kiss by sliding his tongue into her open mouth. Marissa moaned and gently pulled on the soft hairs on the nape of his neck in pleasure. After a few minutes of intense kissing, he pulled back and lay on his back. He stared up at the ceiling as he tried to catch his breath, reaching out and taking hold of Marissa's hand. After a minute of silence he said, "I've never met a girl's parents...well, other than Theresa."

Marissa rolled over so that she was on her side looking at him. "Really?" she asked softly, feeling lucky to be his first girlfriend as well as the first girl he was going to meet the parents of.

He nodded, then wrapped an arm around her shoulder so that she was closer to him. She rested her head on his chest and listened to his steady heartbeat. "Yeah, I was never a boyfriend, and girls never wanted me to meet their parents because I was definitely not boyfriend material."

"I think you're a good boyfriend," she said, turning so that she could look into his eyes. He smiled back at her and she pecked his lips.

He kissed her back, then just held her. "Thanks," he murmured. He wanted to say thanks for thinking he was a good boyfriend, for wanting him, for letting him talk as much or as little as he wanted to, for letting him hold her, for making him think that life could go on after everything he'd been through. But since he still had so much to tell her, so many secrets to reveal, he decided that he could thank her later, assuming she didn't run when she knew the truth.

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Marissa held onto Ryan's hand tightly as she led him to her parent's house. She could tell he was nervous, and even though she was supposedly only doing this to win a bet, she was pretty nervous too. She would be lying if she said everything she told Ryan wasn't true; she really did like him a lot, and she did want to be with him. However, she also wanted to win the bet, and at the moment she didn't know which reason was motivating her more. Before she got to the kitchen, she pulled on Ryan's hand so he would face her. She smiled at him and leaned in to kiss him gently, hoping that would help his nerves. "Thanks for doing this," she said for the millionth time that week.

He gave her a nervous smile. "Hopefully your parents like me."

"My mom's going to be the tough one, though I'm sure she'll like you once she gets to know you," Marissa told him semi-honestly. "My dad likes a lot of people."

Ryan nodded. "At least I'll have someone on my side," he said with a sigh.

"Hey, you have me on your side," she said gently with a small smile. "Isn't that all that matters?"

He nodded and gave her a half smile. "I suppose...."

She giggled a little and said, "Come on, let's get this over with already." She led him into the kitchen where her parents were doing various things all around the kitchen. "Alright, mom, dad, I have someone I'd like you to meet..." Jimmy and Julie immediately turned and looked at Marissa, then the blonde-haired, blue eyed boy holding their daughter's hand. "Guys, this is Ryan, Ryan, these are my parents, Jimmy and Julie Cooper."

She let go of Ryan's hand and gave him an encouraging look, so he plastered a smile on his face and said, "It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. and Mrs. Cooper. I've heard so much about you both."

Jimmy was the first one to greet Ryan. He smiled and walked over to Ryan, shook Ryan's hand while saying, "It's nice to meet you, Ryan. Isn't it, Julie?" He glanced over at his wife and raised his eyebrows.

Julie snapped out of her small daze and smiled politely at Ryan. "Yes, it is." She walked over to him and opened her arms for a hug. Ryan awkwardly stepped closer to her and patted her back, giving a half hug. She laughed a little. "Not a hugger, huh?"

He shook his head and laughed a little. "Not really, ma'am."

"Enough with this ma'am stuff, it makes me sound old. Call me Julie," she said with a smile that Marissa actually thought was genuine.

Ryan smiled his half smile and said, "Okay, Julie."

Jimmy came up to Ryan and put a hand on the boy's shoulder. "So, Ryan, have you ever grilled hamburgers before?"

Ryan nodded and said, "I used to cook for my mom before I moved in with the Cohens." His eyes darkened for a moment, but then he shook the thoughts of his mom away and smiled and Jimmy. "Why?"

Jimmy grinned. "Because you just earned a spot helping me grill. Sound good?"

Ryan nodded and said, "Okay, just let me wash my hands."

Jimmy nodded and turned to the girls. He winked at Marissa and said, "Alright, we'll be cooking out back." Ryan washed his hands and then went out back with Jimmy to grill up the burgers.

Marissa turned to her mother and asked, "So, what do you think?"

Julie looked out back where her husband was giving her daughter's boyfriend instructions. She saw the way Ryan nodded and took the instructions seriously, looking at Jimmy with respect, unlike a few of Marissa's other boyfriends. She then looked back at her daughter, who was looking at her anxiously, obviously caring about what decision she made. Julie shrugged and smiled. "You could do worse." She didn't think she'd ever seen her daughter more pleased.

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**Individual replies:**

**Marissa Davis:** The results for the bet won't be for a while. Most of the story is during the duration of the bet. I think the last three chapters all have to do with the results of the bet and what happens afterwards.

**Bwunnies: ** Haha, well thank you, I've never been given five stars before.

**Snowwygirl4: ** How does your friend like the book?

**Juzzy88:** Hmm, I wonder who this bitch you speak of is...

**sabotage0:** I can do angst. There will be angst soon enough.

**oc_bunney:** I'm glad you think so.

**Ninpinpin: ** I hope this is soon enough..

**kellybby: ** I personally can't wait until the next chapter.

**Elly:** Thank you.

**G: ** Why thank you.


	6. Don't Hit People

**A/N Sorry for waiting a week to post again, I had no motivation. Thank you for my reviews. R/R, enjoy!**

**Ch. 6: Don't Hit People**

Things continued to go smoothly for the month with Ryan and Marissa. They hung out and had fun together. Marissa's friends continued to make annoying comments about how great Ryan looked and how lucky she was, but she was able to deal with it. Her parents seemed to have liked him, her dad especially, and even though her mom just shrugged it off, she knew that deep down she liked Ryan enough too. Even Sarah seemed to be decent, though Marissa was unsure why. Sarah started dating her own guy, some water polo jock that Marissa didn't know the name of. So everything was doing just fine for a whole month.

Ryan was staring up at the ceiling when he heard a couple of knocks at the door and then someone entering. He didn't bother to look up, already knowing it was Seth because of the hour. "Hey, buddy, do you want to play some playstation or something?"

Ryan shook his head. "No, I'm good."

Seth took a seat in the chair by the bed and stared at his friend. "Why Ryan, are you brooding?"

Ryan shook his head and glanced over at Seth. "Actually, no, I'm just staring at the ceiling because I don't feel like doing homework. Calculus isn't all it's made out to be."

Seth nodded and said, "I have to agree with you there."

Ryan went back to staring at the ceiling. "And I was just thinking, too."

"About..." Seth prompted.

Ryan sighed a little. "Marissa."

Seth frowned. He still couldn't stand Marissa and made it clear on multiple occasions. "What about her? Is there trouble in paradise? Are you finally seeing the light?"

Ryan rolled his eyes. "Marissa and I are fine."

"Well, then, I don't see the problem."

"Exactly, that's what the problem is," Ryan said with a nod.

Seth furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "Your problem is that I don't see a problem?"

Ryan shook his head. "No, the problem is that there isn't a problem in the first place, which usually indicates that something bad is going to happen."

Seth stared at his friend for a long time. "Okay, sure."

"It's true!" Ryan protested. "Every time I'm happy, something comes in to screw it up."

"Maybe because you go looking for trouble," Seth suggested.

"Now why would I go looking for trouble?" Ryan asked, a bit annoyed with his adoptive brother.

"I don't know, why would you be sitting in the pool house pondering why your life is going so well?" Seth retorted, beginning to stand up. "It's getting late, you should probably call Marissa so you guys can talk cutesy or whatever."

"Why are you being like this?"

"Like what?" Seth asked with a sigh.

"I don't know, rude, I guess." Ryan paused. "Whenever Marissa's name comes up you get upset. I don't know why, considering she's been nothing but nice to you and I really like her."

"Just wait," Seth said with a final roll of his eyes. "I wouldn't be surprised if there's something up her sleeve."

"This is my girlfriend we're talking about," Ryan cautioned Seth.

Seth nodded. "Yeah, and that's exactly why I'm worried." He looked at his friend again and then said, "I don't know what happened to you when you were back in Chino; I have no idea what you've been through. However, I do know that when you got here you were angry as hell. You locked yourself up in here for days on end and you didn't come out for anything but to pick up some food before you came back out here and started the cycle all over again. My dad never told my mom what happened, and he never told me either. But I do know that lately you've been happier, and I don't want Marissa Cooper to come in the way of that."

Ryan stared right back at Seth. "Has it ever crossed your mind that the reason I'm happier is because of her?"

Seth sighed and said, "That's what I'm afraid of." Then without another word, he walked away.

Ryan glared after him for a minute and then decided to call Marissa. Seth was right: it was getting late. He dialed her number and then waited for her to pick up. "Hey," she said after a couple of rings, a smile in her voice. "I was wondering when you'd call."

He allowed himself a small smile when he heard her voice. "Sorry I didn't call sooner, I was talking to Seth."

"Something tells me that didn't go too well," she said softly after a few quiet moments. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really," he replied honestly, running a hand through his hair. "But thanks for offering."

"No problem," she said, the smile back in her voice. "So there's actually something I want to ask you."

"Hmm?"

"So my friend Holly is having a party this weekend in her beach house." She paused. "Would you be my date?"

"A party?" He really didn't think this was a good idea.

"Please, please, please? We never hang out with my friends, and this way everyone can get to know you..." She pleaded.

He sighed. "I'm not really a partier..."

"Please?" she begged again. Then she tried a different approach. "I'll make it worth your while..."

"And how do you plan on doing that?"

"Well, I have a few ideas. Of course, you won't be able to find out unless you go...." They were silent for a minute and then she added, "It'll mean a lot to me..."

He thought about it for a minute and shrugged. Why not? "I guess I could go and be your date..."

"Really?" She sounded so happy; he knew he did the right thing.

He smiled and softly said, "Of course."

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Marissa held on tightly to Ryan's hand as they made their way through Holly's beach house that Saturday night. She didn't know why, but she was kind of nervous to have him here surrounded by all of these people she called her 'friends'. It wasn't that she was embarrassed by him at all, she was worried that maybe he would find her shallow and stupid when he spent quality time with them. They found her friends and she turned to look at him quickly, trying to calm her nerves. There was something about him that made her feel like everything could be okay, and after looking into his eyes for a minute she smiled.

He noticed this and smiled back. "What?"

She shrugged. "Nothing. Come on, let's get this over with."

"You were the one that wanted to come," He reminded her as she finished leading him to her friends.

"Hey, guys," Marissa said, smiling at the group, or at least most of it: she smirked at Sarah.

"Hey, Riss," Allison said with a smile.

They were all hanging out around the living area so Marissa made Ryan sit down on one of the soft, cushioned chairs and then sat down on his lap. He smiled and wrapped his arms around her, still remaining silent, probably nervous from all the attention he was receiving from her ogling friends. She started chatting with her friends about something. After a while she disentangled herself from Ryan's arms and said, "I'm going to go get a drink...do you want one?"

Ryan nodded. "Yeah, whatever you're drinking."

She smiled. "I'll be right back."

Ryan sat there looking at her friends; The girl he remembered as Sarah was making out with some blond guy, a few of her other friends were into some promiscuous dancing with guys of their own, and Summer was staring at him curiously. He offered her a polite smile, feeling slightly uncomfortable to be under such scrutiny. After a moment of silence, he asked, "Is there a problem?"

She shook her head. "No, not really." After a moment she added, "You seem like a nice guy."

He shrugged and cracked a smile. "Well, I try."

She shook her head again. "No, you just seem like one of those naturally nice guys, not one of the fake, 'player' types."

His lips fell back down into a neutral position and he said, "If you say so." He was silent for a minute and then said, "You're Marissa's best friend, right?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I've been meaning to talk to you."

"About what?"

Her eyes glanced behind him and he turned to see what she was looking at. Marissa was laughing with some girl and pouring drinks. She glanced up and when she saw Ryan looking, smiled at him. He felt a smile tug at his own lips and then looked back at Summer who had been watching the exchange between the two. "You guys do that a lot," she commented.

"Do what?"

She shrugged. "Look at each other from across the room."

It was his turn to shrug. "I guess we just always seem to find each other."

Summer studied him for a minute. "Do you love my best friend?"

He was taken off guard by this question. "What?"

"Do you love Marissa?" she asked, her voice a notch softer than before. "Are you in love with her?"

He thought about it and then shook his head. "No..."

She stared at him, trying to assess him, and then a grin broke across her face. "Not yet," she finished for him.

He didn't answer her. "It's only been a little over a month that I've known her."

"But you really like her."

"Well, yeah," he said. Wasn't it obvious?

Summer's smile disappeared. "Don't hurt her."

He shook his head. "I wouldn't think of it."

She sighed. "I know."

"You make it seem like it's a bad thing," he commented.

She looked at him with a troubled expression. "It's not, it's just..." She trailed off, looking down at her hands. "You know, never mind."

"Okay...."

Marissa decided to show up at that moment. She handed Ryan his drink and went back to sitting on his lap. "What'd I miss?"

Summer offered her friend a smile and said, "Nothing much, me and Ryan were just having a small little chat."

Marissa raised her eyebrows and looked at Ryan with a smile. "Is that so?"

He nodded and smiled back at her, unable to help himself. He found that he smiled a lot more than usual around her. "Yeah."

"What were you talking about?" Marissa asked, leaning back against Ryan comfortably.

He kissed her cheek and said, "Just stuff."

Marissa sighed contently, feeling there was nothing better than being in Ryan's arms. Summer interrupted them by saying, "Coop, I need to go to the restroom. Care to join me?"

She shrugged. "Sure." She placed her cup down on the coffee table and stood up. She turned to Ryan. "I'll be back in a minute."

He nodded and smiled at her. "I'll be here." He watched her walk away and then leaned back in the chair, taking a drink of what she'd brought him: coke and vodka. He let his eyes wander around the room, taking in the party. Everyone seemed to be having fun. His eyes caught movement in the far corner of the room and he saw that girl Sarah with the guy she was just making out with. He was about to look away when he saw the guy shove her, angrily saying something to her. Ryan immediately got up and headed over to them. The guy had his hand raised like he was about to strike her when Ryan got close. "Is there a problem here?" He asked, giving Sarah a look that told her to get away from the guy.

She took the clue and quickly moved so that she was closer to Ryan. The guy looked pretty pissed off and drunk. "Mind your own business." He stood a few inches taller than Ryan, so he took a step towards him, probably trying to intimidate Ryan.

"I will, when you get away from her," Ryan said, giving the guy his intense stare that used to do wonders back in Chino.

"We were just having a little disagreement, that's all."

"Really? Because that's not what it looked like." Ryan looked the guy in the eye and said, "If I were you, I'd walk away now."

The guy looked at Sarah and then rolled his eyes. "Whatever, she's just a bitch, she's not worth it." He started walking away and then stopped and twirled around. "And a bad lay. If I were you, I wouldn't get associated with her."

"Just get out of here, man," Ryan said, trying to remain calm. From everything he'd seen, Sarah was a nice girl. There was no need to be insulting her. When the guy was gone, he turned to Sarah and saw that she was crying. "Hey, don't let him get to you," he said softly, feeling kind of uncomfortable.

She shrugged and said, "I deserve it, I guess."

"No one deserves to be pushed around, believe me." Ryan's eyes darkened and he tried to block his past out of his head.

She looked at him for a long moment. "Everyone calls me a bitch. I suppose I am, but it still hurts, you know?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

"It's not fair," she added.

"No, it isn't," he agreed.

"Marissa's lucky," she said after a few minutes. "Not only does she get a big house and cool parents, but she gets to have someone as caring as you."

Now he knew things were getting a little dangerous. "Well, thanks."

She stared at him for a second. "It's a shame."

"What is?"

"You being with Marissa, it's a shame." Sarah gave him a small smile. "You're a nice guy, I don't want to see you hurt."

"What makes you so sure I'm going to get hurt?" He asked, starting to get annoyed by these people that seemed to think him being with Marissa was such a bad idea.

She looked past him to where Marissa was staring at the two of them. She patted his arm and said, "Just a feeling I have. You should go, you don't want her to get jealous or anything."

He didn't say anything further. He turned and walked back to Marissa, who was giving him a puzzled look. "What were you talking to her about?" Call him crazy, but did she seem worried?

"That guy she was with was about to hit her," he softly said.

"Oh."

He nodded. "I know it's still kind of early, but can we get out of here? I don't feel well."

She nodded and said, "Yeah, let's go."

They went to the car and he started driving. After a few minutes he said, "I don't want to go home just yet."

"Okay," she said softly, resting her hand on his free one. "So where are we going?"

"I was thinking the beach," he said. "We could've gone out when we were there, but I wanted to be away from everybody."

"What's wrong?" She sounded so concerned. It made him wonder how someone could possibly believe she was going to hurt him.

They arrived at the beach so he got out of the car and then helped her out. She led him to a lifeguard station and they sat down together. He still hadn't answered her and the silence between them seemed to be shouting at him to say something, so he said, "When I was little, maybe three, I wanted a toy car. It was one of those cheap matchbox cars that you could buy for under a dollar, but my dad said we couldn't afford it." He paused and looked out at the water, transfixed at the way the moon reflected off of the dark ocean water. "So I threw a fit. I screamed and I cried and I kicked and fought with anyone that got near me because even though I was only three, I saw that my parents had a drinking problem, and that's why I couldn't get my car. It was their fault. If only they would stop drinking, I could have that stupid little car."

"So what happened?" Marissa quietly asked when he got silent.

"My dad came home drunk one day and when I refused to speak to him, he hit me." He looked down at his hands his voice came out lighter than air as he continued. "He just reached out, grabbed me by my shirt, lifted me so I was eye level and he hit me. Then he put me down, and just like that, walked away." Ryan looked over at Marissa and saw that she had tears in her eyes. "Hey, don't cry," he murmured, wiping some of her tears away. "I'm fine."

"He shouldn't have done that," she said softly. "You don't deserve to be treated that way."

"But I was being a brat," he reminded her. "I was throwing a fit over a ninety nine cent toy."

She shook her head. "That doesn't give him the right to hit you. You were only three. Even if you weren't only three, he shouldn't have done that. No one deserves to be hit."

He stared at her for a long time and then said, "Be nice to Sarah."

She seemed baffled. "What does that have to do..."

"She was in that house about to be hit by someone, and no one noticed, no one cared." He looked back out at the water. "And afterwards, she thought she might deserve it. You said so yourself: it's wrong to hit somebody. But you know what? It's just as wrong to put someone down like people do to her."

"So are you accusing me of being mean to her?" Marissa asked, starting to get angry.

"No, but someone is, and you're not stopping it," he said simply.

"You don't even know her," Marissa reminded him.

He shook his head. "No, but I know how she feels, and even though she doesn't know it, she knows how I feel. That alone makes me feel closer to her."

Marissa suddenly felt very afraid. What if he liked Sarah better than her? What if he felt close to her because of this and he started to fall in love with Sarah? "So you have a connection with her....where does that leave us?"

He looked at her, confused. "What do you mean?"

Her voice came out very tiny. "If you feel close to her, then fine, I won't stand in the way of you two."

Understanding dawned on his face. He shook his head and softly said, "I don't mean it like that." When he looked at her, she seemed very fragile, not the usual strong Marissa he knew. He put an arm around her and allowed her to fit herself against him. "Yeah, I feel connected to Sarah, but I want to be with you." He lifted her chin so that she was looking at him. He looked into her eyes for a second and then leaned in and pressed his lips against her sweetly. "You're my girlfriend, and I want to keep it that way.; you're stuck with me."

Her stomach felt all warm and fuzzy when he said that, when he kissed her that way. How could she ever doubt him? She pulled away from the kiss and looked into those deep blue eyes of his, feeling herself getting lost. "There are worse things that can happen," she whispered.

He smiled and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear in a loving way. How could one look alone make her insides melt? "Good," he murmured, and then kissed her again, both of them forgetting about Sarah for the time being.

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**Individual replies:**

**Marissa Davis: **Of course she's falling for him, but is he falling for her?

**Ryanandmarissa4ever:** I'm glad you love it, thank you.

**Sabatoge0:** I used to write very little in a chapter, but then I decided to write more in a chapter and post less often.

**Juzzy88:** I like pleasant Julie.

**Hopelesslyhalfhearted: **I'm glad!

**Snowwygirl4:** Have you read any books by Jodi Picoult? I finished My Sister's Keeper for the third time over the weekend cause I want to be ready for the movie next week.

**oc_bunney:** well here ya go.

**Elly**: Okay, if you insist.

**G:** I agree, badass Ryan is awesome.

**Kellybby: **Thank you.

**Bwunnies:** Enjoy!


	7. Don't Take Things That Aren't Yours

**A/N Again, sorry for the delay. My cousins came in from California and my friend is going through a lot of family drama, so I've been trying to help her with that. Here's a nice, long chapter to make up for it. Thank you for my lovely reviews, you know how much I love them. Uh, just a warning, things get a little steamy at the end. Less than 10 chapters left! I'll try to post again this week. R/R, enjoy!**

**Ch. 7: Don't take things that aren't yours**

The next day Marissa decided she would surprise Ryan by taking him out to breakfast. After he dropped her off last night, she'd laid in bed thinking about how great he was for attending the party and being nice to everyone, including Sarah. What she thought was really great was the way he opened up to her afterwards. He had rarely told her anything about his past since his revelation on their first date, so the fact that he did meant the world to her.

She walked the short distance to the pool house making sure she didn't get seen by Seth or the Cohens in the main house, and then gave a quick knock on the pool house door before opening it and walking in. To her surprise he was already awake and getting dressed. She looked down at his six pack and then slowly up his perfectly muscled body into his eyes, smiling the whole time. He was watching her and smirked. "Like what you see?"

She nodded and walked further into the pool house, meeting Ryan in the middle. He wrapped his arms around her waist while she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Definitely."

He leaned in and softly kissed her softly, making her body feel warm and fuzzy. He led her to the bed without breaking the kiss and gently laid her down, climbing on top of her. She moved her hands from around his neck to his shoulders and then down his body, loving the feeling of his warm, bare skin against her nervous fingers. She decided to be bold and moved her fingers to the buttons on his jeans, nervously fumbling with them as she tried to get it undone. He reached out and pulled her hand away, pulling away from her a little to look into her eyes. "What are you doing?"

She did her best at giving him a seductive smile. "Just trying to repay you for going to the party last night."

He looked into her eyes for a moment and she thought she saw a torn expression on his face. Then he got off her and softly said, "I'm going to Chino today."

She looked at him confusedly. "Why?"

He got off the bed and walked over to one of the baskets that held his clothes and grabbed a wife beater and red button up shirt. He put on the wife beater and said, "I go every month to see Theresa. I promised her I would when I left. She used to visit me in..." He stopped himself and looked away from her as he put on his shirt. "Well, she used to visit me before the Cohens took me in. I promised her I'd do the same thing for her."

She stood and walked over to him, turning his face so he would look at her. His eyes were clouded and she wondered how she could move past those walls he'd carefully placed around his heart. She leaned in and tenderly kissed him, trying to get him out of his memories. When he started kissing her back, she pulled away and softly said, "I hate it when you do that."

"Do what?" His eyes were still slightly cloudy, but the boy she'd come to care for was starting to come through.

"Push me away," she said, her voice slightly hurt.

"I never..."

"Yes, you do, all the time." She looked into his eyes for a long moment, letting the information sink in. He still seemed baffled by her words. "Whenever you think about Chino, your eyes get all weird and you completely shut me out." She pecked his lips, then quietly said, "It hurts."

He sighed and gently placed a hand on the side of her face. "I don't mean to...it just hurts to think about it."

She nodded and softly said, "I get that, but you don't have to push me away. Let me in every now and then."

He nodded and gave her a small, apologetic smile. "I'll try."

She smiled back and leaned in to peck his lips. "Good. With that said, I'm coming with you to Chino."

He pulled back abruptly and shook his head. "No you're not."

She nodded. "Yes I am. I want to see where you come from."

"Believe me, you don't," he said, walking back over to his bed. He sat down and reached for his shoes so he could put them on. "Besides, this isn't open for discussion. You're not going."

She walked over to him and pulled the shoes from his hands. He looked up at her and gave her an annoyed look but she just crossed her arms across her chest and gave him a defiant look. "I'm going whether you like it or not, so save yourself a lot of time and energy by agreeing now."

He stared at her for a long time and then sighed in acceptance. "Fine, but you have to promise you won't push me to talk unless I want to."

She nodded and smiled, handing him his shoes back. "Sounds like a plan."

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As soon as they left Orange County, Ryan knew he'd made a mistake. Every time he glanced over at Marissa she was staring at the changing scenery with what appeared to be shocked interest. As the sky seemed to change from orange to gray, the buildings from McMansions to graffiti-covered dreary buildings, and the scenery from sand and endless waves to sad, broken down slides on abandoned parks, he became increasingly embarrassed. Before he knew it they passed the Chino sign.

"So this is Chino," she observed, staring at a mural on a wall that spoke of stopping violence.

He nodded and solemnly said, "Yeah."

She looked over at him and must have sensed his uneasiness because she reached out and held his hand, lacing their fingers together. He relaxed a little at her touch and she offered him a small smile. "It seems nice," she offered.

He snorted. "Right."

She looked out the window again. "I'm serious. I can just see it now: you shopping at this grocery store or walking down this street. So you had a bad memory or two, I'm sure you had at least a few good ones. And maybe it looks a little rough around the edges, but that doesn't mean it's all bad."

He stopped at the red light and looked over at her, kind of amazed at how she was handling this. Was he wrong in doubting her? "So you don't think it's scary and weird and completely ugly?"

She shook her head and gave him a soft smile. "Nope. As far as I'm concerned, it played a big part in who you are today, so it can't be nearly as bad as people make it out to be."

He smiled a little and looked back at the road, driving forward once more. "You never cease to amaze me, you know that?"

She went back to looking out the window. "I would hope so."

He rolled his eyes but the smile stayed on his face. He relaxed some more and decided to tell her a story. "So you see that DVD rental store over there?"

She looked and nodded. "Yeah, what about it?"

"My mom used to take me and my brother over there all the time," he informed her. "I would always rent, 'It's a Wonderful Life' no matter what time of year, and Trey always had a soft spot for 'The Breakfast Club.' We would go home and watch the movies like we'd never seen them before and make popcorn and drink Dr. Pepper until we fell asleep." He smiled at the memory. "It was always so much fun. It's one of the only times I remember my mom allowing us to feel like kids."

She was quiet for a moment and then said, "I didn't know you had a brother."

He thought about it and said, "Huh, I thought I told you."

She shook her head. "You told me the only sibling you had was Seth."

He shook his head. "Trey is my biological older brother. He's four years older than I am."

She didn't know what to do about this new piece of information. Finally she said, "Why did you lie?"

He shrugged. "I don't talk about him much. He got arrested a few years before I came to Newport for armed robbery, assault, possession of illegal drugs, among other things." He rolled his eyes. "I've seen him maybe twice since then."

"Were you two close before that happened?" She asked quietly.

He sighed. "We used to be, but then something tore us apart."

"What?"

He pulled to a stop in front of a house and looked over at her. "Come on, I'll show you." He got out before going around and taking her hand. He led her to the front door and knocked, then waited.

The door was opened by a dark haired girl that she assumed was Theresa. She smiled at Ryan and gave him a big hug. "Ryan! We've missed you! I'm so glad you came today, Anthony kept asking all kinds of questions...." She suddenly seemed to notice Marissa's presence and gave her a polite smile. "Who's this?"

Before she could speak for herself Ryan took one of her hands to hold and said, "This is Marissa. I told you about her."

It made her smile knowing he spoke about her to what could possibly be his best friend. "It's nice to meet you," Marissa said, reaching out her right hand for Theresa to shake.

Theresa smiled warmly and shook her hand. "So this is the infamous Marissa Cooper?" She said, looking over at Ryan with mischievous eyes. "Tall, amazing eyes, very beautiful...."

Marissa raised her eyebrows and looked over at Ryan, who was giving Theresa a death glare. "You said that?" she asked softly.

He looked over at her sheepishly and shrugged. "Not those exact words..."

Theresa nodded and mouthed, "Word for word." Marissa giggled and squeezed Ryan's hand. They were interrupted by a little boy that was around two or three appearing by Theresa. "Mama, who hewe?" His eyes brightened up when they saw Ryan and he shouted, "Wyan! Wyan!"

Ryan grinned and crouched down with his arms held open. The boy ran into them and Ryan lifted him up high into the air. "How've you been little guy? Not getting into anymore trouble I hope?"

Theresa rolled her eyes. "Of course he's been getting into trouble. They don't call it the terrible twos for nothing. This little boy over here called the cops twice in the last two weeks. He's kept me busy for sure, isn't that right Anthony?"

Anthony just giggled and looked at Ryan. "Inside?"

Theresa nodded and agreed. "Yeah, come on in guys." She stepped aside and let Ryan and Marissa enter the small house. Marissa looked around and saw pictures of a bunch of people, Theresa, Ryan, and Anthony included. Theresa picked up a few toys from the floor and said, "Sorry the house is a mess, this little boy over here didn't listen when I told him to clean up his mess."

Ryan gave Anthony a stern look. "What did we talk about the last time I was here?"

Anthony gave a sheepish smile. "Be good fo momma."

"So why aren't you listening to her?"

The boy's eyes grew large and watery. "Sowwy, Wyan." He stuck out his bottom lip and it quivered, signaling he was about to cry.

Ryan's face softened and he cuddled the boy to his chest. "It's alright, but you need to start listening, okay?"

Anthony had buried his head in Ryan's chest so when he spoke it came out muffled. "Kay."

Ryan smiled and went to sit on the couch, and waved Marissa over to sit beside him. Marissa was completely confused and slightly worried. So Theresa had a two year old? Ryan nudged Anthony a little and said, "Hey, buddy. I have someone I want you to meet."

Anthony pulled away from Ryan's chest and looked around. "Who?"

Ryan pointed to Marissa. "You see her?" Anthony looked over at her and nodded. Ryan smiled and winked at Marissa. "That's my girlfriend, Marissa."

"Riss?"

Ryan grinned and said, "Yeah, you can call her that." He put the boy down. "Go say hi to her."

Anthony shyly made his way over to her and then waved. "Hi..."

Marissa smiled and said, "Hi, Anthony. How old are you?"

Anthony lifted two fingers and said, "Two!"

She smiled and said, "Two? You're a big boy!"

He smiled widely at her and made a motion with his hands. "Carry?" She picked him up and set him in her lap. He held out his hand and said, "Five?"

"He wants you to give him a high five," Ryan informed her with a smile on his face.

"Oh, okay." She gave him a high five and he started laughing. Hearing him laugh made her start to giggle a little herself.

"He only gives people he really likes high fives," Ryan said, looking at her with thoughtful eyes. She stared into those eyes of his for a minute, completely losing herself in them. Ryan looked at her with a newfound trust, one that was much greater than what he'd shown before, she could tell. He seemed to see her with a new set of eyes while he was away from Newport in this house that once meant so much to him.

She pulled her eyes from his, and then looked at Anthony. She found the same pair of blue eyes staring up at her and it startled her. She studied the boy a little and found that he looked almost identical to Ryan. "He looks just like you," she murmured, looking back over at her boyfriend. Her eyes held the question she wasn't willing to speak.

He shook his head and gave her a sad smile. "I'm his uncle."

Marissa stared at him confusedly. "So Trey is..."

Theresa entered again from her mysterious absence and said, "Yeah, Trey's the dad." She rolled her eyes and plopped down on a chair across from the couch. "Anthony, come here so I can feed you."

Anthony begrudgingly climbed off of Marissa's lap and over to his mother. Ryan scooted closer to Marissa and she looked over at him. "After my brother got arrested, I started taking responsibility for the little guy. Theresa's dad took of a long time ago, so I'm basically the only father figure in his life."

Theresa nodded as she watched Anthony eat. "Yeah, I don't know what I would do without Ryan. Boys here in Chino need some kind of guy in their life if they're going to make it. I would soften him up too much. He needs someone to teach him to be tough."

Ryan shrugged. "My dad wasn't around for a while and I got on just fine."

Theresa gave him a look. "You had Trey. Granted, he's not the best guy in the world, but he did okay with you."

Ryan thought about it and then nodded. "I guess so."

Marissa's head was spinning. She had just expected a simple visit to Chino, not everything else. "When was the last time you visited?"

"Remember that weekend your family flew in?" She nodded and he said, "Then." He saw that she was kind of overwhelmed and reached for her hand, holding it in his lap as he turned back to Theresa. "So what have you two been up to while I was gone?"

As Theresa told the humorous and sometimes stressful stories of having a two year old, Marissa listened attentively and tried to absorb every word. Being here with Theresa was the first time she felt like she could truly understand what Ryan used to be like. He was relaxed when talking to the dark haired girl, and when he smiled at Anthony she saw a certain pride in his eyes shine through. Sitting there in the cozy house she felt like for the first time, she was seeing the true Ryan Atwood.

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Ryan waved goodbye to Theresa and then him and Marissa started the drive back home. "I called Sandy not too long ago and said we'll eat something on the way home since it's starting to get a little late." He looked over at her and said, "I hope you didn't have a lot of homework..."

She shook her head. "I did it yesterday morning." She looked out the window, still thinking about everything she'd learned today.

"So, I was thinking we could get McDonalds or something...something easy," He suggested.

She nodded. "Sounds good."

He reached for her hand and squeezed it gently. "What are you thinking about?" he asked softly.

She shrugged and said, "Everything I guess. It's just so hard to believe that Theresa has a son from your brother..."

He sighed. "It wasn't voluntary."

She furrowed her eyebrows and looked over at him. "What do you mean?"

Ryan was quiet for a little while and then said, "Trey raped Theresa when she was fifteen."

Marissa's eyes widened. "Why would he.."

"He was stoned," he said, cutting her off. "He went over to her house when her mom was out and said he was looking for me, and when she let him in, he attacked her." He sighed angrily and shook his head. "She refused to press charges."

"Why?"

"Because he's my brother," he informed her bitterly. "She didn't want to do something to split us apart. She knew how much I looked up to him, so she kept her mouth shut about it for a while. Two months later she came to me crying and said she was pregnant, then told me what happened. I confronted Trey about it and he said he was sorry and stuff, but I didn't listen to him. I was so angry, you know? I refused to speak to him. He said he would be involved in the baby's life, but a month later he got arrested for robbing a bank, or at least attempting to. He told Theresa he'd been trying to get fast money for the baby, but it all blew up in his face." Ryan rolled his eyes.

"So what happened then?" she asked quietly, trying to keep him talking to her.

"Hold on," he said since they were at McDonalds. He ordered them their food and then continued with his story. "I told Theresa I was going to be there for her no matter what. If my dead beat brother wasn't going to take responsibility for his actions, then I would." He laughed a little and said, "So I rode my bike to the arcade and spent fifty cents on one of those cheap rings you get in the little machines. I rode to her house and got down on one knee and proposed." He laughed a little more. "She told me to get back up and stop trying to be the hero cause she didn't want or need me to marry her. We agreed that I could play a role in the baby's life as the cool uncle." He glanced over at her and smiled. "Six months later Anthony was born and I've been in love with the kid every since."

Marissa smiled and said, "That's actually kind of funny."

He nodded and said, "I know." His face turned serious and he thoughtfully said, "It made me think a lot about what I really want, you know? I learned that I wanted a kid of my own someday. The look that Theresa gets when she looks at him...that love...I want that with some little kid of my own. I want to be looked up to. I want to be the one to teach them how to walk and talk and how to ride a bike." He shrugged and looked at her with an embarrassed smile. "I've never told anyone that..."

She grinned and said, "I can keep a secret."

He smiled back. "Glad to know."

They ate some of their food in silence for a while as he drove, and then she said, "Kids scare me."

"Really?"

She nodded and shrugged. "You have to feed them and clean them and make sure they're happy. It's not like you ever really get a break either. Not only that, but there's also a million and one things that could go wrong. They could get stolen, lost, hit by a car, drown..."

"Marissa," he interrupted with a laugh. "They're kids, not accident magnets."

She shrugged. "Same thing."

He laughed and said, "When you do have kids someday, you'll be a great mom. The father, whoever the guy may be...he'll be a lucky guy."

She smiled. "You really think so?"

He nodded and gave her a serious look. "I know so."

Her stomach felt all fluttery as she softly said, "Thanks."

Before they knew it, they arrived back at the Cohen house. Ryan grabbed the trash from their dinner and then asked, "Are you coming back to the pool house, or are you going to..."

"I'm coming with you," she announced with a small smile.

He smiled back and then said, "Meet me there. I'm just going to go throw this away and let the Cohens know we made it home okay." He leaned in and pecked her lips, the first kiss they'd had in hours. Soon the quick peck turned into a more passionate kiss before he pulled back and rested his forehead against hers. "See you in a few." He kissed her quickly a few more times before finally pulling himself away from her and heading towards the main house.

As she made her way to the pool house, she remembered the conversation she'd had with Summer about Ryan.

"_So your boyfriend really likes you," Summer announced while the two fixed their makeup._

_Marissa smiled. "I know, he's so great."_

"_Have you two done anything yet?"_

"_You mean, like, have sex?" Marissa asked, looking over at her friend. When she nodded, Marissa said, "No."_

"_Well, you know they say the quickest way to a guy's heart is through his pants...."_

_Marissa frowned. "You really think so?"_

_Summer shrugged. "He's _your _boyfriend, Coop; you know him better than I do."_

_Marissa bit her lip. "Do you think I should?"_

_Summer raised her eyebrows. "Are you ready for something like that?"_

_Marissa shrugged. "I honestly don't know, but what could it hurt? If it wins me the bet..."_

Summer rolled her eyes. "And here I thought you were doing this because you liked the guy."

_  
"I do!" Marissa protested._

"_It doesn't always seem that way," Summer retorted. She finished up her makeup and then said, "Whatever, Coop, it's your life." She walked out of the bathroom, leaving Marissa alone to debate things._

Marissa knew she really liked Ryan, that he was the sweetest and most caring boy she'd ever been around, much less dated. He could always make her smile and he treated her really nice. Not only did she like him, but she also knew that he seemed to really like her. Her parents approved of him... what could having sex with him hurt? Especially if it helped her win that bet...

She took of her shirt and then laid back against his pillows, waiting for him to enter the pool house. After a few moments he entered, but didn't really look at her as he closed and locked the door. "So the Cohens decided we should all have dinner together....what are you doing?" His eyes went wide as he stared at her.

She smiled and patted the bed. "I'm just giving you your reward for going to the party last night..." she said seductively. He walked over to the bed and quickly got on, hovering over her. "You like?"

He took off his own shirt and wife beater, then leaned in to kiss her. "Oh yeah.."

She giggled a little and wrapped her arms around his neck, ignoring her rapidly beating heart. He deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue into her open mouth. She moaned a little and massaged it with her own, letting herself get lost in the kiss. After a few minutes of kissing her this way, Ryan pulls his mouth away and leaves a trail of kisses down to her neck, earning a few giggles from her as he hit her ticklish spots. The giggles soon turned to moans as he found her sensitive spot right where her shoulder and neck met, and she gently pulled his hair in pleasure as he paid particular attention to this spot.

Before long he pulled his lips from that spot and continued a trail down to her chest. Her breathing grew heavier as he kissed all around her bra, and then finally left kisses above the cloth. She reached back and unclasped it for him and allowed him to pull it off her and throw it to the floor. His eyes turned back to her now bare chest and he leaned down, letting his mouth come over her breasts. She arched her back, giving him better access, and moaned loudly as he did wondrous things with his experienced tongue.

After giving each breast an ample amount of time, he continued trailing kisses down her flat stomach. Her breathing was now erratic as his lips neared her jeans. He unbuttoned them and started to pull them off of her, his kisses continuing to trail down each inch of exposed skin. She writhed under his scorching hot kisses and when he finally got off her jeans, she flipped them over so she was on top and decided to do the same thing to him. She connected their lips again, sliding her tongue into his mouth quickly as they both let their hands explore the other's body. Both moaned and groaned in pleasure as their lover's hands caressed their most sensitive areas.

Finally, Marissa pulled down Ryan's pants as he pulled down her panties, leaving her completely naked for him to stare at and him in just boxers. He flipped them over so he was on top again and kissed her hard on the mouth. She let her hands trail down his chest, stomach, and then finally to his boxers where she slid her cold hands in, causing him to groan out her name. "Someone's happy," she commented with a smirk.

He shook his head and in a husky voice said, "Happy is an understatement."

She continued sliding her fingers in and out of his boxers, eliciting more outbursts from Ryan. Finally she asked, "Do you have a condom?"

He nodded and reached for the drawer on the nightstand, pulling a condom out. He kissed her quickly and then pulled back and handed her the package. "Do you want to put it on...or do you want me to?"

Suddenly this all caught up to Marissa. She'd never gone this far with a guy before, and here she was talking condoms with Ryan. She looked into his eyes, completely terrified. "Um.."

He smiled down at her and kissed her quickly. "It's okay, I can do it." He reached down to pull his boxers down, then caught her expression. "What's wrong? I'm not going to hurt you..."

She thought of all the things she'd heard about the pain a girl experiences her first time. "Um..."

He pulled his hands away from his boxers and set the condom back on the nightstand. "What's wrong? You want to do this right?"

She nodded and let out a weak, "Of course." But she wasn't so sure anymore. Was she really ready to lose her virginity to someone she didn't completely love yet?

He looked into her eyes and softly said, "Then why are you so scared? I mean, it's not like it's your first..." He caught the flicker in her eyes and then his own widened. "Wait, it'll be your first?"

She nodded and stared into his eyes, measuring his reaction to this bit of information. He leaned down and tenderly kissed her lips, making her feel completely safe and at ease with him. Maybe she could do this. As he continued to kiss her, she became more confident in this thought. Of course she could do this, it was Ryan and Ryan wouldn't hurt her, right? Suddenly he pulled away and climbed off of her and the bed. She stared at him confusedly. "What are you doing?"

"We can't do this," he said softly, refusing to look at her. He sat down on the chair by the bed and looked down at his hands. "I won't do this."

"Why not?" she asked, pulling the sheets up to cover her. Now she felt completely stupid and foolish.

"Because I'm not going to take your virginity, not like this..." He sighed and looked up at her for the first time since getting off the bed. "It's not mine to take, it's yours to give, and you're not ready."

"But I am ready," she protested weakly, though the doubts in the back of her mind were starting to come out again.

He shook his head and softly said, "No, you're not. Even if you were, you deserve something more special than this..." He gestured around the pool house. "Two horny teenagers. You deserve something special."

She looked at him and her entire face softened. Only he would say something like that. All the other guys she'd made out with tried to make her go too far too fast, and here he was refusing to do that. She nodded and softly said, "Okay."

He looked around on the floor and found his shirt right by the chair. "Here, put this on for now..." He threw the shirt at her and turned his head as she put it on and buttoned it, knowing he didn't have enough self control to watch and not go attack her.

When she was done, he turned back to her and she gave him a soft smile. Then she frowned and looked down at the tent in his boxers. "What are we going to do about that?"

He looked down at his arousal and sighed. "Think of Seth..." He thought of Seth and it immediately went down. She laughed a little and he smiled. "It's the miracle cure."

She patted the spot on the bed next to her and softly whispered, "Hold me?"

He nodded and got back onto the bed, fitting the front of his body against her back, burying his face into her neck. He played with her hands, making small circles on her palms. Laying there in his arms seemed like the safest place on the planet to her. Laying there she realized she was no longer in danger of it; she was falling dor Ryan Atwood, hard.

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**Individual Replies:**

**Juzzy88:** Thanks!

**Bwunnies:** Why thank ya.

**Sara: **I'm glad you love the story!

**Snowwygirl4: **Oh, well when you do read the book you have to tell me how you like it! I love that book and I'm so excited for the movie.

**Kellybby**: Thank you.

**G: **Yes, I agree, that would've made things complicated.

**Elly: **sorry to keep you waiting.

**Marissa Davis:** They actually didn't steal the car. You'll come to see how Ryan came to live with the Cohens soon enough. It's gonna be pretty intense.

**Hpfangurl12993:** Hey Lauren! How do you think it's gonna turn out?


	8. Put Things Back Where You Found Them

**A/N You guys are awesome! I couldn't ask for a better set of readers, and I say that genuinely. This is a pretty intense chapter, but the next will be a little more intense. After you are finished reading this, you will be halfway done with reading this story. What do you guys want me to do afterwards? I have story ideas for new stories, or would you prefer I finish some of my old ones? I could go either way. R/R, thanks!**

**This chapter is dedicated to sabatoge0. Happy birthday! You said you liked angst, and you're in luck :) **

**Ch. 8: Put things back where you found them**

Before Ryan and Marissa knew it, two weeks had passed since their trip to Chino. Their relationship was stronger than ever, both physically and emotionally. Marissa thought she'd known what she was getting herself into with this bet, but every day that passed just went to prove that she'd gotten in way too far over her head. When she agreed to the bet she was trying to have some fun and prove to Sarah that she was better. She was looking for an excuse to be around Ryan because he was intriguing and good looking but forbidden. The bet seemed like a win-win situation, but now she couldn't believe she'd ever been stupid enough to go along with it.

She hadn't planned on Ryan being the most amazing boyfriend a girl could ever wish for; that not only would he stop them from having sex too early, but also continue to come back to her and heavily make out with her without expecting anything to happen; that he was willing to let her hang out with her friends because he knew they were important to her; that he was willing to put aside everything he was working on so that he could be with her, no matter what they may be doing; that he was quite simply the most loveable, adorable boy in the world.

She definitely hadn't planned on falling for him. She wasn't completely in love with him yet, but she knew if things continued to go the way they were, she would be in love with Ryan Atwood before he could possibly be in love with her. The thought scared her more than anything, because she'd never been in love before. If she lost the bet now, she would be losing so much more than when they initially started out: she would be losing part of her heart.

Physically things were just as great. Ever since that evening they almost had sex their make out sessions were extremely steamy, leaving her wanting so much more. He had somehow found out exactly where to kiss her in order for her to completely let go and give herself over to him. But no matter how turned on they got, one of them would always pull away before things got too carried away.

However, no matter how great things were with Ryan, she always found herself thinking back to the bet. Sarah made sure to bring it up everyday, asking how it was going and whether he hated her yet. It always struck a chord with her because she knew by the end of this Ryan would most likely hate her. How would he react when he found out this was all just part of some silly game her and Sarah had come up with one day when they were feeling competitive? It was something hard to think about, so she tried to divert her mind to other things. The bet was what it was, and even though thoughts of losing Ryan because of it constantly plagued her mind, it was still months away.

Besides, she had other problems to tend to.

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Walking down the hallway hand in hand, Ryan and Marissa headed to speech class together. It had become a fun class for the both of them due to the fact they sat next to each other and it required little work. They had already given their first speech of the year, which had to be an informative on someone they knew; Ryan did his on Sandy's successful journey to becoming the lawyer he is today and Marissa on how her father Jimmy became one of the richest men in Newport. They both got As and were pleased with each other.

Ryan opened the speech classroom door for Marissa and said, "After you, Miss Cooper." He offered her a cute smile.

She rolled her eyes and laughed. "Why thank you, Mr. Atwood."

They headed to their table and she was about to pull her chair out from under the desk to sit down, but he got to it first. "There you are, Miss."

She grinned and sat down. "Why thank you, sir, what can I ever do to repay you?"

He sat down and pretended to think. "Well, I have one idea, but I don't know if you're up to it..."

"What could this idea possibly be?" she asked, staring at him amusedly.

"A kiss, right there." He pointed to his lips.

She rolled her eyes but couldn't keep the smile off her face. "I suppose I could manage that..." She leaned in and softly brushed her lips against his, completely forgetting about the fact they were in a class that was supposed to start soon.

"Mr. Atwood, Miss Cooper, do I need to separate you two?"

Marissa pulled back quickly and saw the Mrs. O'Dowd standing in front of them. Ryan did the talking for them, shaking his head and saying, "No ma'am, I'll be good."

The teacher gave him a measured glare and then sternly said, "Good, but you still earned yourselves a detention with me after school." Her face suddenly brightened and she turned to the rest of the class. "Now, who's ready to learn something?"

Marissa took out a sheet of paper and when the teacher wasn't looking scribbled the note, 'I can't believe you earned us detention.' She passed it to Ryan and looked back at the teacher.

He wrote something and then passed it back to her. 'You were the one who kissed me first, remember?'

She bit her lip; he was right. 'It's still your fault. YOU were the one asking for it.'

'Not like you weren't looking for it...'

She bit her lip again; he had her there. She smiled a little when he took the note back and added, 'Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you or get us into trouble.'

She took the paper and wrote, 'I couldn't be upset with you even if I tried.'

'I don't think you could upset me either...'

She bit her lip and put the paper away, hoping he still had that thought in mind come January.

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Ryan had to go talk to a teacher after class so he asked Marissa to get a few books for him from his locker and take them to detention so he could use them that night. They knew each other's combinations so she easily opened the locker. She grabbed the books he'd asked for and then shut the locker. She was about to walk out when she noticed something had fallen from one of them. She leaned down and picked up the piece of paper. She was about to put it back in the textbook when she caught the few lines.

_Ry,_

_I know I messed up and everything, but can you please talk to me? It seems like you're doing good for yourself, and after what happened to mom I couldn't be happier for you. Speaking of her, I know you're still trying to get over the incident. You have to let it go little brother, it's been over a year. You didn't mean to..._

She heard a noise from down the hallway and quickly folded the paper back up and put it in the textbook, her heart beating extremely fast. She felt someone come up next to her and turned to see a smiling Ryan. "Hey, I thought you would've been back in the classroom by now."

She shook her head and gave him a weak smile. "I was talking to Summer and just got here not too long ago..."

He took his books from her and began walking in the direction of the classroom. She was still thinking about the letter and remained frozen in her spot. He turned back to her and gave her a weird look. "Aren't you coming?"

She blinked a few times, trying to comprehend his question, and then quickly nodded. "Yeah, uh, I was just..." She trailed off and then caught up with him.

"Everything okay?" he asked as they walked.

She nodded, but her mind was a million miles away. "Yeah, I'm just really stressed because I have this huge test tomorrow."

He nodded in understanding. "Oh, yeah, been there..." Right before they got to the classroom he pulled her aside and pecked her lips. "You sure you're okay?"

She nodded but didn't look at him. "Yeah, just thinking about class."

He looked into her eyes for a moment and then tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Okay then." He paused and then softly said, "The Cohens wanted me to ask you over to dinner today. I know it's a school night and I'd understand if you didn't want to come over because of that test...."

She smiled a little; she loved the Cohens. They had become like a second pair of parents to her since she'd started dating Ryan. "No, it's fine. I studied a lot last night, so I should do fine. I guess I just have test anxiety or something."

He nodded and softly smiled. He leaned in and softly pressed his lips to hers, then pulled away. "Come on, we have detention to attend."

She nodded and walked into the classroom with Ryan, her mind a million miles away.

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That night she was home for about an hour before going next door for dinner with the Cohens. She was supposed to be doing homework, but her mind was still caught up in that letter. It was obviously from Trey, but what did it mean? What did he mean about the 'incident' with their mom? And most importantly, what did Ryan not mean to do? Didn't Ryan's mom abandon him? What could Ryan possibly have to do with that?

When she couldn't take it any longer she called Summer. Her best friend always seemed to know what to do in certain situations, even if Marissa didn't always listen. Summer answered on the second ring. "Hey Coop, what's up?"

"Hey Summ." She paused and tiredly sighed. "So I found something in Ryan's locker today, something that made me really confused."

Summer sighed. "What were you doing in Ryan's locker?"

"Getting some stuff that he asked for. This letter fell out of his book and it said some confusing stuff on it..."

"What kind of confusing stuff?" Summer asked.

"Stuff about his mom that didn't make any sense. I didn't read it all because he came, but I just don't know what to do. Should I confront him about it, or what?"

Summer was quiet, then said, "I don't think you should. If he really wants you to know about it, he'll tell you when he's ready. Ryan doesn't seem like the kind of guy that would be happy with you if you tell him you went through his stuff."

"But I wasn't looking through his stuff, I found it on accident!" Marissa protested, trying to make Summer see she hadn't been looking for trouble.

"Still. If it's important, he'll tell you about it; if it's not, then leave it alone," Summer said. "I just don't think it's your place to be asking him about a letter he hadn't meant for you to see."

"I guess you're right," Marissa said with a sigh. "Thanks."

"No problem. I have to go now though; the step monster is calling..."

Marissa nodded and said, "Okay, bye." She hung up the phone, then decided it was time to go over to Ryan's house. She walked the short distance to his pool house and entered without knocking. He was reading something in his hands and looked up at her when she entered. "Hey," he said tiredly, his eyes cloudy and distant. She immediately knew what he was looking at; it was obvious by the way he was so far away.

She walked further in and made her way over to his bed. She got on and immediately leaned in to kiss him tenderly on the lips, trying to bring him back to the present with her. After a long, breathtaking kiss she pulled back and softly asked, "What's wrong?"

He shook his head and said, "Nothing...I was just reading something..."

"You mind telling me what?" she softly prodded.

He sighed and looked away from her, back down at the piece of paper he was still holding in his hands. She made sure to keep her eyes on his face so that he didn't think she was trying to pry into his business, even though she had already seen the letter he was currently holding in his hands. Finally he looked back into her eyes. "Trey sent me a letter."

"But I thought you said he was in prison..." She said, pretending that she had no idea what he was talking about.

He nodded. "He is, but he occasionally sends me letters."

"So you told him where you live?"

He shook his head and sighed. "Theresa told him. He kept sending me letters over there so she gave me the letters, then sent Trey a letter with my current address and phone number. I went and saw him after a while and explained what had happened."

"Oh." She didn't know what to say. She remembered what Summer had said earlier: if he really wanted her to know about it, he would tell her.

He nodded. "It's hard to deal with sometimes. I can be fine and get over everything, especially when I'm with you, but then I get a letter from him and it takes me back to all of it..." He sighed and looked down at his hands.

She rubbed the his back, trying to relax him a little. "Do you want to talk about it?"

He shrugged and closed his eyes as she gently kneaded some of the tight muscles in his back. "I don't know, I don't think there's anything to really say."

She was silent for a little bit. "You could tell me what the letter says..."

"It doesn't say much of anything, just talks about my mom and stuff."

Well, it wasn't a complete lie. She nodded and asked, "What about your mom?"

He refused to meet her eyes and she felt him get extremely tense. "Just stuff."

"What kind of stuff?" she prodded even more.

He looked at her, his eyes completely devoid of emotion. "It doesn't matter."

She sighed. "Fine, whatever."

He looked at her like she was crazy. "Why are you being like this?"

"Like what?"

"Like you are now." He sighed and the smallest amount of emotion came back into his eyes. Granted, it was annoyance, but she would take what she could get. "There's no need to get upset."

"I'm not upset, I'm just tired of you not talking to me. You have this whole life that you don't want to talk about. Lately you've been doing better, but I can't pretend like it's enough." She looked at him with a sad expression.

"I told you I would tell you when I was ready," he softly said.

"And when is that going to be? For all I know, you're never going to be ready." She removed her hand from his back and pulled away from him. "I know it's hard, but you have to try."

"It's easier not to talk," he protested. "Don't you think it will be better if I just move on?"

"Ryan, if this relationship is going anywhere, I need to know you."

"You do know me!" He tiredly rubbed his face. "You know everything about my life now."

"Yeah, now, but not then," she said softly. "I need to know what it is that makes you the way you are today. I need to know why you are who you are, and I can't ever know that if I don't know about your past."

"You do know about it! I took you to Chino when you pushed me to do it!" He said, his voice getting louder. "I didn't want to, but I did it anyways!"

She glared at him. "Oh, I'm sorry for wanting to see where you're from. I'm such a horrible person!"

"You don't need to be sarcastic!"

They heard the pool house door open and someone say, "But I didn't say anything yet!"

They both turned and glared at Seth, still upset with each other. "What do you want Seth?" Ryan asked in a low voice.

Seth raised his hands in surrender. "I'm just the messenger; dinner is ready."

Ryan nodded and turned back to Marissa. "We'll be there in a minute." Seth nodded and left without another word, softly shutting the pool house door after him. Ryan looked down at his hands and then softly told Marissa, "I don't want to fight."

Marissa refused to look at him. "I don't either."

"I'm just not ready," he whispered.

She rolled her eyes and let out a frustrated sigh. "Fine."

"Marissa..." He said with a sigh.

She ignored him and started walking out the door. "We should go eat; I don't want to keep the Cohens waiting."

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Dinner was very tense. Marissa refused to look at Ryan, Ryan was upset with Marissa, and the others were afraid of asking what was going on. Finally Kirsten asked, "Guys, what's going on between you two?" She looked first at Marissa, and then Ryan, both of which just glanced at her before looking back down at their food.

Marissa shrugged. "Why don't you ask Ryan; oh wait, I forgot, he doesn't feel like talking."

Ryan glared in Marissa's direction but she didn't acknowledge him. He looked back at Kirsten and then said, "We're having a little argument, nothing big."

Marissa snorted and said, "Right."

Ryan looked at her for a minute and then stood. "Can we be excused?"

Both Sandy and Kirsten quickly nodded. Ryan grabbed Marissa's arm and gently pulled her up. "Let go, I'm happily eating my dinner."

"No, we're going to go talk," Ryan said in a hostile tone. "Now."

She yanked her arm away from him and headed to the pool house on her own. When they got there she icily asked, "What?"

He shut the door behind them and said, "You want to talk, let's talk. Tell me why the hell this is bothering you now."

"It's always been bothering me, I just gave you the benefit of the doubt," she admitted. "But I'm tired of doing that because it obviously isn't helping."

"Why do you need to know?" He asked. "Why is this such a big deal to you?"

"Because..." Her voice softened and she plopped down on the bed.

"Because what?" He asked, sitting down next to her.

She sighed. "You don't trust me. That's the big deal."

"What?" he asked incredulously. "You're kidding, right?"

She shook her head and gave him an upset look. "I'm not kidding; you don't trust me. If you did you would tell me these kinds of things."

He rolled his eyes and stood up, running a hand through his hair. "I can't believe you would ever say something like that; that you would accuse me of something like that." He paced back and forth for a minute. "I trust you more than anyone. I've told you more than I ever told Seth, or even Sandy." He got quiet and then said, "I never even wanted to tell Sandy what happened with me, I had to."

She gave him a confused look. "Why did you do it then?"

He sighed and gave her a troubled look. He seemed to be debating something in his mind; she could see the wheels turning in his head. Then he finally said, "Fine, you want to know what happened? I'll tell you." He went to his nightstand and picked up the letter. "I'll read you part of this. That's really what you want, right? To know what Trey said? To know why I'm so angry about all this?" He was about to read, but then he looked at her. "Let's see how much you trust _me _after this."

"_Ry, I know I messed up and everything, but can you please talk to me? It seems like you're doing good for yourself, and after what happened to mom I couldn't be happier for you. Speaking of her, I know you're still trying to get over the incident. You have to let it go little brother, it's been over a year. You didn't mean to hurt her, it wasn't your fault."_

He put the letter down for a moment and looked at Marissa, waiting to hear the question he knew she would ask. "What does it mean by, 'hurt her'?"

He gave her a bitter smile and said, "Let's read on, shall we?"

"_I know what you're telling yourself and it's not true; you aren't the cause of her death, it was Julian. I never met the guy, but I can tell he was trouble. You've got to get over it, man, she's not coming back."_

Marissa stopped him. "You said your mom abandoned you."

He nodded. "That's what I tell everyone, it's better than the truth: she's dead. She's gone forever, never to come back, and it's all my fault."

Marissa shook her head. "Ryan, you can't believe that..."

"Why not, it's true," he bitterly said. He looked at Marissa and she saw the anger in his eyes, anger that must have been tearing him apart inside. He gave out a bitter snort. "You want to know the truth? You're dating a murderer."

She shook her head. "Ryan, I don't believe you."

He looked into her eyes and said, "I killed my mom, Marissa."

"Oh really, how?" she retorted with a roll of her eyes at how stubborn he was.

He shrugged and casually said, "Easy, I shot her." He looked at her shocked expression. "Does that scare you? Do you want to run out of here and never come back again?" He jerked his head towards the pool house doors. "Go ahead, I'm not going to stop you."

She looked at Ryan, the boy she thought she knew, and then at the door, her only escape, and for the life of her couldn't figure out what to do.

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**Individual Replies:**

**Juzzy88:** Thanks!

**Hpfangurl12993:** I personally liked Theresa in the actual show. She really did know how much Marissa meant to Ryan. I guess you'll just have to wait and see how things go :)

**hopelesslyhalfhearted:** Georgie! I try to keep you guys in suspense. Did you see that coming?

**G:** Ah, I love Theresa!

**Snowwygirl4:** what books do you need to read for school?

**Sara: **Sweet Ryan is very sweet...

**Marissa Davis: **haha, are you disappointed that they didn't have sex?

**Uknoit:** Yes, I think only my Ryan would say that.

**Kellybby:** How bout this one?

**Elly:** Glad that you think so!

**oc_bunney:** Guess you'll have to wait and see :) Only eight chapters left...

**elly: **Thanks for your concern with my friend. She's fine.

**Bwunnies: **Thanks!


	9. We All Die

**A/N Ow, now I officially have a raging headache. Haha, I was being a dork and watching the Lion King the other day and it reminded me of this story, as dorky as that sounds. You know how Simba thought he killed Mufasa? It reminded me of how Ryan thought he killed Dawn. But anyways, thank you for my reviews. R/R, enjoy!**

**Ch. 9: We all die**

_**Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we. **_

_**- Robert Fulghum**_

After just standing there for a minute, Ryan rolled his eyes and quickly walked to the door. He opened it and gestured for Marissa to walk through it. "Go ahead, leave. It's not like I care or anything."

Marissa stared at him for a moment, still completely torn. She looked at the door and then at his eyes that were avoiding hers and suddenly knew what to do. She walked over to the door, acting like she was going to leave, but instead gently shut it. She turned to Ryan and in barely a whisper said, "No."

He stared at her with baffled eyes. "Marissa, I killed my mom; I shot her. You don't need to be nice and stay. I'm not going to kill you if you leave."

"And you're not going to kill me if I stay, either," she softly said, staring into his troubled eyes.

"What makes you so sure?" He asked, his voice so quiet that she could barely hear him.

She shrugged, never breaking eye contact. "Because I don't believe you killed your mom; you're not capable of something like that. And even if you think you did, Trey obviously doesn't believe it either. Who knows you better than your own brother?"

"I haven't seen Trey in a long time," he reminded her.

"That doesn't mean anything." She gently took his hand and led him to the bed. "Now, are you going to tell me the truth?"

"I did tell you the truth," he weakly protested. "I killed my mom."

"Why?" He looked away from her but she put her hand on the side of his face so that she could see his eyes. "Don't turn away from me. I want to see you when you speak. When I see your eyes, I can tell you're lying. I can tell that despite your anger at me for making you talk, you're just plain hurt." She paused at the flicker of hope in his eyes and gave him a small smile. "I can tell you're still the safest person to be with."

He sighed and looked down at his hands before looking back at her face. His voice came out shaky as he spoke, signaling that he wasn't nearly as collected as he tried to be earlier. "It was that night, the one I told you about with Julian and the drugs. I said that there was more stuff that happened that night, and there was...."

_He let himself be hit by Julian for a couple of minutes before he decided to stop sitting around and fight back. He'd been in his share of fights, so why not this one? Julian was about to kick him, but he grabbed onto his leg and pulled so that Julian fell over. He quickly rolled over so he wouldn't get hit and climbed on top of the older man, swinging and connecting with his face. Julian still seemed to be shocked, so Ryan hit him again and again, feeling his luck changing._

_But of course the feeling didn't last long. Julian regained control and grabbed Ryan's arm, then punched him hard, sending him back to the ground next to the older man. Julian straddled Ryan's waist and started hitting the boy hard. "You're going to pay now you little bitch!"_

_Ryan attempted to block Julian from hitting his head but it just wasn't working. He felt a few hard blows and suddenly he was seeing double. He hit blindly at the space in front of him, not knowing where Julian was but knowing if he didn't try to fight back, he'd most likely die. He felt his fist connect with something and a grunt from the man on top of him. Suddenly Ryan heard his mom, whom he had completely forgotten about. "Julian, just leave him alone already!"_

_  
"I don't think anyone's talking to you, whore!"_

_Ryan angrily hit Julian as he began to regain his vision. "Don't call my mom a whore you jackass!"_

"_What did you just call me?" Julian asked, his dark eyes staring angrily at Ryan. "I'm going to kill you!"_

"_Stop bragging and do it then!" Ryan shouted, glaring at Julian. Julian hit him hard, and Ryan tasted blood that had fallen from his nose, but he still smirked. "Is that the best you've got?"_

_Julian lifted the boy by his hair and then banged it back down so it hit the floor. Ryan groaned in pain and Julian flashed an evil smirk. "Oh, so that hurt did it?" He did it over and over again and Ryan's vision started to get very blurry._

_He looked around and tried to find something to help him get Julian off of him and finally saw the phone. He reached for it and grabbed it, yanking the cord from the wall. He quickly swung and hit Julian's head hard, sending the older man falling over in pain. Ryan quickly tried to get up, staggering over to his mom. "Mom, leave," he murmured. He couldn't see her clearly, but could make out her blonde hair and blue eyes._

"_No," she said, shaking her head. The movement caused him to get even more dizzy, but he trudged to her and pushed her towards the door. _

"_Mom, he's going to hurt you. Leave." He stared at her through one swollen eye, his cuts bleeding onto the floor. "Mom, please. I'll be fine."_

Ryan stopped and looked down at his hands. Marissa wrapped an arm around him and held him for a few minutes, her head rested on his shoulder. She kissed his neck quickly. "Your mom didn't leave," she said, more of a statement than a question.

Ryan shook his head and murmured, "No, she didn't." He turned and caught her eye. "She didn't leave, no matter how many times I told her to. If she had just listened..."

"So, since she didn't leave, you decided to shoot her?" she said, raising her eyebrows.

He gave her an upset look. "You know it wasn't like that."

She nodded and looked down at his clenched hands before looking back into his eyes. "I do, but do you?"

_Dawn Atwood shook her head and said, "I can't leave my son here, not like this."  
_

"_Go get some help," he pleaded. "Mom, just go."  
_

_She shook her head and walked over to her son. "No," she said firmly, taking hold of his bicep. "I won't leave you."_

"She did leave me," he murmured, pausing from his story again. "She was so adamant about it, but she did leave me."

"According to your story earlier, you made her," she reminded him. She wasn't trying to make him feel bad, just see how stupid he sounded for thinking he killed her when he obviously didn't.

He glared at her. "You're not helping."

She shrugged. "I'm just going by what you said." She paused and let him be alone with his thoughts for a few minutes before adding, "It sounds kind of stupid, doesn't it?"

"What does?"

"You killing your mom. It sounds stupid considering all you've talked about the past five minutes is the fact you wanted her to leave so she would be safe." She raised her eyebrows at him. "You're contradicting yourself."

He groaned. "I know! But I did kill her! Maybe I didn't do it intentionally, but I did it, okay?"

She shrugged and stared straight into his eyes, into the depths of his heart that he'd never allowed her to enter before. She had to wonder if he let anyone enter it. "Prove it."

He sighed and looked down at his hands again. "Fine, I will."

_After she spoke, Ryan saw a figure approaching and quickly said, "Mom, look out!" _

_But he was already too late. Julian grabbed Dawn and yanked her over to him. Ryan could barely see, but he saw a dark object in Julian's hands that looked oddly familiar. It took him a moment to register it, but then it was clear: it was his dad's old gun. "Let go of her," Ryan hissed._

_Julian laughed. "You think I'm going to listen to you?"_

"_Look, I'm the one that flushed the drugs. You want me, not her," Ryan reminded him._

"_But she's the one that was stupid enough to have you," Julian replied, cocking the gun and pointing it to Dawn's head. "I'm just doing what should've been been done years ago."_

_Ryan began to grow frantic. "You let go of her and I'll do whatever you want. I'll work for you." Ryan raised his eyebrows. "I know a lot of people at school who would kill to get some drugs." Julian seemed to debate it in his head, then Ryan added, "I'll do it for free."_

"_And why should I trust you?" Julian asked skeptically._

"_Because if I don't do it, you're going to shoot the only family I have left." Ryan gave him a pointed look. "Do you think I'd lie about something like that?"_

_Julian looked at Ryan for a long moment, beginning to lower the gun. "If I let her go, you have to work for me for free. You have to give me so many sells a week or I'll kill her."_

_Ryan nodded but Dawn shook her head. "Don't do it Ryan!"_

_  
Ryan gave her a look that told her to shut up. "Mom, stay out of it."_

_  
"It's my kid's life you're talking about, like hell I'll stay out of it!" She turned to Julian and said, "Kill me, don't mess with him."_

"_But you see, whore, you alive is now worth a lot more than you dead."_

_Ryan ground his teeth together at what Julian was calling his mom. "Do we have a deal or not?" he asked Julian._

_Julian nodded. "Okay, deal." He shoved Dawn over at Ryan._

_Ryan pushed Dawn to the floor behind the couch and lunged for Julian, knocking the gun out of his hand. He'd been in Chino long enough to know that their 'deal' wouldn't work. He needed to be the one in control now. Ryan reached for the gun and pointed it at Julian. "The deal's off."_

_  
Julian looked at him incredulously. "Are you seriously such a dumb-fuck that you're pointing a gun at me?"_

_Ryan glared at him. "I would watch your language. You seem to forget who has the gun here."_

_Julian laughed. "You think I'm afraid of you? You can barely stand!"_

_  
Though it was true, it angered Ryan that Julian was basically calling him weak. "I would watch your mouth if I were you..."  
_

"_Not to mention you're probably a bad shot..."_

"_I'm warning you..."_

"And besides, if you came out of that stupid whore, you're too stupid to even know how to shoot the damn gun!"

_Ryan put his finger on the trigger, aimed just above Julian's head, and shot._

"So you were such a bad shot that you hit your mom?" Marissa taunted.

Ryan rolled his eyes and said, "For someone who wanted to hear the story, you really have a way of making me angry."

She smiled sweetly. "I know, but it keeps you talking, doesn't it?"

Ryan looked at her with an amused face. "So that's why you're taunting me like this? To keep me talking?"

She nodded and kissed his cheek. "Yep. You know you wouldn't continue speaking if I didn't."

He rolled his eyes and said, "You're too clever for your own good." He smiled a little and she grinned widely.

"You know what?" she asked.

"Hmm?"

"You just smiled for the first time since we started talking." She smiled at him and rubbed his cheek. "I have to say, I kind of missed it."

He looked over at Marissa and gave her a surprised smile. "You know what?"

"Hmm?"

He leaned in and pecked her lips, half afraid that she'd pull away from him, but when her arms went around his neck he knew that he could tell her anything and things would be okay. That no matter what, she would make things okay. He pulled back and leaned his forehead against hers. "You make me feel like maybe this isn't as bad as I'm making it."

She shook her head and murmured, "What you went through is horrible, but you're not responsible in any way for it. I'm just trying to make you see that..."

"Any sane person would have left after I told them I killed my mom," he said softly, pulling back so he could look into her eyes. They were a mix of blue and green right now and he could honestly say he'd never seen eyes more amazing than hers. Not because of the color, but because of the look behind the surface.

"I guess I'm not a sane person," she said with a small giggle.

He pressed his lips against hers, trying to show how grateful he was to have someone as amazing as her. "I guess not."

She pulled away and said, "I believe you were telling a story."

He nodded and sighed. Now it was time for the hard part.

_Ryan heard a ringing in his ears and he looked at a shocked Julian. The bullet had hit the wall right behind Julian, leaving a small hole. Julian felt his head and when he was sure there wasn't any damage he looked angrily at Ryan. "You could've killed me!"_

_Ryan smirked. "Finally you get it."_

_Julian suddenly seemed worried. "You wouldn't kill me."_

_  
"Try me," Ryan challenged, his eyes narrowing._

"_What do you want from me?" Julian asked._

"_Stay away from me and my mom. If I ever see you again, I won't be shooting the wall."_

_Julian rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I don't need a dumb-fuck kid and a whore around anyways." He stood and started walking for the door. Since it was by Ryan, he turned and backed up so Julian could leave. He started walking towards his mom with the gun still in hand but lowered. Suddenly he felt someone pushing him to the ground. He tried to turn the gun to face Julian, but Julian was trying to push the gun to face Ryan. "You really thought I'd leave?"_

_Ryan groaned and literally fought for his life, trying to get Julian's hands off of the gun. Dawn stood from her place by the couch and said, "Ryan, be careful!" Julian's fingers went to the trigger, right over his and as they fought, Ryan felt his fingers get pushed down as Julian pushed the gun to face away from him._

_Suddenly there was a loud shot and Ryan closed his eyes, waiting to feel the pain from getting shot. He looked up at Julian who was staring wide eyed to his left, and it was only then that Ryan turned and saw what he was looking at. Julian stood, letting go of the gun and said, "Shit, shit, shit, shit!" He pushed Ryan away and ran to the door, opening it and leaving._

_Ryan let the gun drop the floor and stared at his mom, who was clutching her stomach. "Mom?" he murmured, walking over to her. She looked at him and then her knees seemed to crumple so he slid onto the ground and caught her. He removed her hands from her stomach and saw the blood spurting out. He placed his hands there, trying to stop the bleeding. "Oh, mom.." he whispered. "What have I done?"_

_He heard sirens in the distance but all that mattered right now was his mom. Dawn's eyes were far away, but as she stared at her son she felt the urge to speak. "Ry..." she choked out, blood beginning to spool from the side of her mouth._

_Ryan felt his heart racing. "I'm here mom. I'm here for you. I'll never leave you." _

_She raised a bloody hand to the side of his face and then it limply fell back down. "Ry, I..." She coughed a little and her breathing slowed. "I..."_

_He suddenly heard someone break the door down and footsteps heading towards them. "We've got a gunshot wound over here!" Suddenly he felt a man standing beside him. "Sir, I need you to step away from her so we can help her."_

_Ryan ignored him and continued to stare at his mom. "Mom, what were you going to say? You what?"_

_  
She looked at him, obviously in a lot of pain. The man yanked Ryan away from her and shouted, "I need a stretcher over here!" He put his fingers to her neck and said, "Her pulse is weak...we're losing her!"_

_Ryan watched them put her on a stretcher and walked after her. "Mom, what were you going to say? MOM!"_

_She just looked at Ryan and opened her mouth, as if she was going to speak, but then it shut and her eyes closed. The guy that had her on a stretcher shouted something to the other paramedics, but Ryan just stared at his mom being taken away. There was another paramedic nearby who took a look at him and said, "Kid, what happened to you?"_

_Ryan looked at them with a swollen eye, cuts across all over his face, and his mother's blood on his cheek – and then he fell to the floor with a large thud._

Ryan looked at Marissa and said, "I killed my mom."

She shook her head and softly murmured, "No, you didn't."

Ryan nodded and stood, pacing around the room as he remembered those painful moments when he saw her. "I shot her and it killed her."

Marissa stood and put her hands on Ryan's shoulder, shaking him so that he looked at her. "Look at me. You did not, I repeat, did NOT kill your mom, Ryan. It was Julian. Julian did it, not you. You are INNOCENT, you hear me? You're innocent." She looked deep into his eyes and when he started to protest, she shook him again. "You didn't kill her, Ryan, okay? You didn't kill her, no matter how much you want to blame yourself. It was Julian." His face crumpled and he buried his face into her neck as she broke down his facade. "It was Julian," she murmured, wrapping her arms around him and holding him. She rubbed his back and gently ran her hand over the back of his head, petting his soft hair.

He pulled back a little and said, "The gun was in my hand. It was in my hand..."

She shook her head and pushed his head back down to her neck. "Julian made you pull the trigger. You didn't do it voluntarily; you didn't want to kill her. It was Julian."

After a long time of just standing there being held, Ryan finally pulled back and looked into her eyes. He looked horrible: his eyes were bloodshot and sad, his face was contorted in a look of pain, his hair was messed up from the amount of times he'd run his hand through it – and yet she knew in that moment that she was in love with him because she quite simply couldn't not be. He leaned in and pressed his lips against hers in a desperate kiss, needing to be close to her – needing an escape. She kissed him back, tightly wrapping her arms around his neck as his arms went just as tightly around her waist.

He finally pulled away from her when he couldn't go any longer without air. He leaned his forehead against hers and murmured, "Thanks."

She pecked his lips again and then said, "What happened after that?"

He pulled away from her and just took her hand, leading her to the bed where he comfortably laid himself down on the bed, pulling her to join him. She rested her head on his chest and gently traced circles on his chest as she listened to both his story and the strong beating of his heart. "I got looked at and hospitalized for a concussion and a few broken ribs that I apparently had blocked away the pain for. The police came and questioned me and as soon as I was discharged they took me into custody."

Marissa furrowed her eyebrows and stopped rubbing circles for a moment. "Why? You didn't do anything wrong."

He let out a long sigh. "The prosecution didn't seem to think so. It probably didn't help that I kept saying I killed my mom..."

Marissa rolled her eyes at his stupidity. "Wow, smart move genius."

He laughed a little and the sound immediately lifted her spirits. She went back to tracing circles, letting Ryan continue his story. "So I got appointed a lawyer, who happened to be Sandy. We pleaded not guilty and there was a trial. I was only fifteen when the incident happened, and the wait for the trial was about a year."

"Please tell me you didn't stay in jail that whole time," she said, turning her head so that she could see his face.

He sighed and said, "Sandy couldn't get me out, and even if he could, I had nowhere to go." He saw her worried expression and offered her a reassuring smile. "It wasn't too bad. I mean, the food sucked and there were some guys there that liked to give me a hard time, but it could've been worse."

Marissa pecked his lips and then smiled sweetly. "Okay, continue."

He rolled his eyes and laughed a little. "So anyways, we had the trial and I got off free. The jury didn't buy into the prosecution's story of shooting my mom in cold blood because of her giving me a sucky childhood. Since I was still a minor and didn't have any family, I was going to be sent to a group home until they found me some foster parents. Sandy didn't like that after everything I'd been through, so he talked to Kirsten and they decided to adopt me." He looked into her eyes and softly said, "Fast forward five months...and here we are."

She breathed in deeply, smelling his spicy cologne. "Wow."

He nodded. "Yeah, I know."

"Wait, how did you get school...."

"They actually had school where I was. It's not exactly the top of the line, but it sufficed." He offered her a lazy smile and asked, "Any other questions?"

She nodded and said, "Yeah, one."

"What is it?"

"What would you have done if I walked out earlier?" she asked softly.

He let out a deep sigh and remained silent as he thought about it. "I guess I would've just let you go. I would've been really hurt, but I wouldn't have blamed you if you had walked away." He wrapped his arms around her tightly and murmured, "I'm glad you stayed."

She smiled and nestled her head into his chest. "Me too."

"So now that I told you about my past, is there anything you want to get off your chest?" he asked, more of a joke than anything. "Any skeletons in the closet?"

She thought of the bet with Sarah that would be over in a few short months. She thought what it would be like if she told him right now. She shook her head and closed her eyes contently as she lay in his arms. "Nope, nothing at all."

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**lol, you didn't seriously think I'd make Ryan a murderer did you?**

**Oh, so I saw My Sister's Keeper and it SUCKS....anyone beg to differ?**

**Individual Replies:**

**Sara: ** In his defense, it was an accident.

**Uknoit:** I remember seeing that, but I never read it myself.

**Hpfangurl12993: ** lol, now it's more than halfway over. The results for the bet will be in three chapters. For my next story I was thinking either a R/M best friend kind of story all set to Rooney songs, or R/M as cyber friends when suddenly he leaves and then eventually he sees her at college, but since she never saw a picture of him, she doesn't know it's him and so they have this relationship where Ryan knows who she is, but Marissa is intrigued by this mysterious Ryan.

**Juzzy88:** She isn't staying for the bet, but I doubt she'll tell him about it anytime soon.

**Bwunnies**: why thank you.

**Kellybby:** Here you go.

**Hopelesslyhalfhearted: ** lol, Georgie, you're just as lazy as me! When are you going to update your story? I updated mine :)

**Marissa Davis: ** lol, what makes you so sure it'll be hot?

**G:** lol, yes, I love your rhymes now.

**Elly: ** I'm glad it caught you off guard!


	10. Live A Balanced Life

**A/N I was too lazy to write earlier in the week, so sorry about that. But now my fingers are tired from typing for three hours straight as I tried to get this up for you guys tonight. Thank you for your reviews. R/R, enjoy!**

**Ch. 10: Live a balanced life**

_**Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some. **_

_**-Robert Fulghum**_

Before everyone knew it, it was Christmas Day. Ever since Ryan's revelations of his past, him and Marissa had been extremely close. Ryan looked at her as the single most important thing in his life. He felt he could tell her anything in the world after revealing his dark secret of his mother's death and his part in it. She always made him feel better no matter how upset, guilty, or angry he was at himself, and she always made him smile. Since he had spent the first seventeen years of his life with little joy aside from the time he spent with Theresa, it was a nice feeling.

He had never really trusted anyone as deeply as he trusted her. Sure he had been really close to Theresa when they were back in Chino, but that was a different kind of trust; a friendly kind of trust. She had been there when all the bad things happened to him so he didn't have to sit and tell her about it, she would just help him escape it. But with Marissa, he wanted to tell her things about his past. He couldn't figure out why he had been so against it until she practically forced it out of him because now that he had told her about it, he felt so much better. Talking to her made him realize that he had been holding too much back for too long; now that he could let go and be himself around someone, it felt great. As corny as it sounded, he finally felt alive when he was around her – like he could do anything he wanted to.

As he got dressed to go to her parent's house for a nice Christmas breakfast, he wondered where things would go with the two of them. He was way too young to think about marriage and children, but he could see her a part of the big picture. It was too early to talk about forever, but he could imagine her with him for college and whatever else their near-future held. He smiled a little at the thought of being somewhere else with her, somewhere where it was just the two of them. He even let himself ponder the possibility of moving into their own apartment together as they attended college, whichever one they got into. They had the college discussion a few times and Berkeley seemed like the most likely choice, but nothing was set in stone. Assuming he did get into college, anyways.

He put the thoughts of the future aside and focused on getting ready. Today him and Marissa were going to be pretty busy. First they were going to eat breakfast with her parents and open gifts there, then they were going to come back and open gifts with the Cohens, then head to meet Theresa and Anthony at the prison so they could see Trey, and then they were finally going to come back to the Cohen house where the Coopers and Cohens would gather to eat a large Chrismukkah feast – Chrismukkah being the named of the holiday Seth had created when he was little.

The part about the plans that kept him on edge was visiting Trey. He could deal with Marissa's parents and Seth's annoying rambling, but seeing his brother was always something that made him nervous. But, he had made a promise to Theresa and Anthony to be there for them as they visited Anthony's father, so he would follow through.

He thought back to when he informed Marissa about his visit to Trey. She had been pretty shocked.

_They walked along the pier hand in hand. Marissa turned to him and said, "So, I have an idea on how we should spend Christmas." He gave her a look telling her to continue. "I was thinking that maybe you could come by and have breakfast with my parents so we can open presents there, and then we could go hang out with the Cohens the rest of the day."_

_  
"Okay, but the Cohens want your parents to come over for dinner."_

_She nodded. "I'll tell them."_

"_Other than that, there's only one small problem," he said thoughtfully._

_She frowned. "What is it?"_

_He stopped walking and leaned against the railing so that his body was facing hers, but looked away from her towards a couple of boys skateboarding their way through the crowd. "I was thinking of going to the prison and visiting Trey. Theresa asked me a couple of months ago if would go with her and Anthony, and I said I would."_

_She nodded, her eyes slightly disappointed at the thought of not spending the entire day with him. "Oh."_

_He nodded and then turned his eyes back to hers. He placed his hands on her hips and took a step closer to her so that their faces bodies were extremely close, both able to feel the heat radiating from the other's body. He gave her a crooked half smile and softly said, "I was kind of hoping you'd come with me."_

_She frowned from the shock, but then her lips lifted into a wide smile. "Really?"_

_He nodded, his smile widening at her excitement. "Yeah. There's no one else I would rather go with."_

He was finishing buttoning up his long sleeve white button up shirt when he heard the pool house door open. "Merry Christmas!"

He smiled hearing her voice and turned to smile at her. "Merry Christmas," he said, quickly closing the gap between them as he crossed the room and took her into his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck and their lips met in a sweet kiss. He pulled back and gave her a crooked smile as he held her. "And how are you this morning?"

She leaned in and brushed her lips against his again. "Better now." She pulled back and then asked, "Are you ready?"

He nodded. "Yeah, just let me get my shoes on..." He pulled away from their embrace so that he could go put them on. As he was lacing them up, she paced a little. He picked up on this and asked, "Why are you nervous?"

She shook her head. "I'm not nervous." At his knowing look she said, "Fine, I'm nervous about going to see Trey." He raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything, causing her to explain. "I mean, he's your brother and I want him to like me." At that comment he raised another eyebrow, amusement on his face. She gave him a dirty look at his expression. "Don't look at me like that, this is important!"

He stood and walked over to her, placing his hands on her hips. "My brother will like you, and even if for some weird reason he doesn't, he's not high on my list of favorite people." As she started to protest, he put a finger to her lips to silence her. "Not only that, but he is also in prison, which means he can't really get in the way of us, now can he?" She was about to protest again but he wasn't done speaking. "And lastly, I don't care what anyone else thinks or says about you, what matters is how I feel about you and what I think. And..." He smiled and quickly pecked her lips. "I happen to really care for you." She finally fell silent and he smirked and kissed her forehead. "Now come on, we have a busy day ahead of us." Then, together, they headed to breakfast.

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After a pleasant breakfast and opening gifts from both her family and Ryan's, Marissa and Ryan were heading to Chino. Ryan had called Theresa before they left to inform her they were on their way and now that they were about fifteen minutes away, he asked Marissa to text Theresa and let her know where they were and when they planned to be at the prison. After she was done with that, Marissa put his phone away and let her fingers nervously strum her legs. It wasn't long before Ryan picked up on it and reached over to hold her hand, immediately relaxing her. "You still nervous?"

She nodded. "I know that it's not important to you...but it's important to me."

He nodded and remained silent for a few minutes. Finally he said, "I know, and it means the world to me that you'd worry about it, but it's going to be just fine." He glanced over at her quickly, offering her a reassuring smile. "Trust me." He gently squeezed her hand.

Soon they arrived at the prison. They met up with Theresa and then all signed in. While Ryan and Theresa signed in, she was left alone with Anthony. He stared up at her with those familiar blue eyes and smiled a toothy grin. "Riss, carry?"

She smiled and lifted him into her arms. "How have you been Anthony?"

He shrugged. "Momma give lots of time outs!."

She bit her lip to keep from smiling. "Why?"

He shrugged again, feigning innocence. "Me no good boy."

"What did you do?"

He grinned widely. "Me call man with big wed twuck!"

She looked at him confusedly. "Huh?"

Theresa walked up to them and rolled her eyes. "My son over here though it would be fun to call the fire department so he could see the big red firetruck. He called and started shouting, 'fire, fire!'" She looked at Ryan who was giving Anthony a stern look. "He's _your_ nephew."

"But me come outta momma!" Anthony said, shocking Marissa.

"You can't argue with that logic," Ryan said, a pleasant smirk on their face.

They were led to the visiting area and on the way Marissa asked, "How does he know about that?"

Theresa shrugged. "He doesn't know much, just that I carried him in my belly for nine long months." She suddenly broke into a wide smile. "I guilt him into being a good boy sometimes."

Marissa was about to question her again, but then the guard said, "Here we are. Merry Christmas."

They all sat down at a large table and waited for Trey to arrive. Ryan took Anthony from Marissa's arms and sat him down on his lap, bouncing his knee a little so that the young boy giggled. "You ready to see your dad, buddy?" he asked softly.

Anthony nodded excitedly. Ryan had told her about this: apparently Anthony really did love his father, though he very rarely got to see him. He didn't exactly understand why he was in prison, just that he had done something bad and was in a really long time out. "Yeah, me miss dadda!" He looked at Marissa and asked, "Riss know dadda?"

Marissa shook her head. "No, I've never met him before. Is he nice?"

He nodded emphatically. "Ya! He tew stowies of him and Wyan!"

Ryan rolled his eyes a little. "I don't even want to know what stories he tells."

Marissa was starting to get nervous once again, but before her unease could progress, Ryan reached out and placed one of his hands over hers, lacing their fingers together. She smiled and looked to see he was smiling over at her. He leaned in and pecked her lips quickly, then murmured, "It's going to be fine."

Anthony let out a giggle and said, "Gwoss!"

Marissa blushed and heard an unfamiliar male voice joke, "Wow, tell me what you really think of me..." Her eyes quickly shot up to see a dark haired man with an orange jumpsuit sitting across from them. His eyes met with hers and he raised an eyebrow. "Who are you?"

Anthony wiggled from Ryan's grip and crawled across the table to his dad, letting Trey set him on his lap. "That Riss, dadda...Wyan's giwfwiend."

Ryan squeezed her hand gently and looked at his brother. "As Anthony said, this is Marissa, my girlfriend."

Trey eyed Marissa up and down, making Marissa uncomfortable as she remembered exactly how Anthony was conceived. He directed his eyes to Ryan and smirked. "Nice job, little brother."

She felt Ryan tense beside her and she softly squeezed his hand. "It's nice to meet you, Trey," she said politely. "Ryan's told me so much about you." She didn't feel the need to add that they weren't necessarily good things.

Trey nodded and studied her again, making her feel uncomfortable all over again. Ryan finally exploded and said, "Trey, stop staring at her like that. I actually like her."

Trey looked at his little brother with raised eyebrows and said, "I never thought I'd see the day you would actually like a girl. If I remember correctly, you used girls for one thing only." Trey smirked tauntingly at Ryan.

Ryan's eyes narrowed. "At least they gave their consent," he spat back.

Trey shrugged. "It's all in the past, little brother. I'm a changed man."

"You are and always will be an immature boy," Ryan retorted, rolling his eyes. Marissa had never seen him get this upset, even when he was telling her about the incident with his mom.

Trey didn't seem fazed by Ryan's comment. He looked at Theresa and quietly asked, "How have you and Anthony been?"

Theresa shrugged. "We've been doing fine. You?"

He shrugged and offered her a smile. "Could be worse."

She laughed a little and said, "Definitely. I think the last time we saw you you had a brand new shiner."

He nodded and smiled. "Yeah, luckily the guys that did that found someone else to pick on." His eyes darkened, just like Ryan's did when he was thinking about something he didn't like.

Speaking of Ryan, he finally got over his anger and let out a small sigh before saying, "You look good, Trey. You been working out?"

Trey nodded. "Yeah. I mean...what else am I gonna do?"

Anthony, who had been quiet, finally said, "Wite to me and momma!"

Trey smiled and ruffled the kid's hair. "You're right, I think I should do that." Marissa observed the way Trey's eyes sparkled when he looked at Anthony and knew in an instant that despite the horrible things he had done, he really did love the little boy. She wondered if her eyes sparkled when she looked at Ryan. Trey's eyes stayed on the little boy as he said, "So, Marissa, how did you meet my little brother?"

Ryan said, "We were at registration."

Trey lifted his gaze to look at his brother and gave him a look. "I was talking to Marissa." Ryan looked like he was going to protest, but Trey said, "It's a harmless question, Ry."

Ryan sighed and remained silent. Marissa gently rubbed her thumb over his hand, trying to relax him a little. "As Ryan said, we were at registration..." She told the story of how her and Ryan had argued over the muffin. Trey occasionally smirked or chuckled, but when she finished he just smiled. Ryan even seemed a little relaxed as he remembered how they met.

"Sounds like you two had an interesting beginning," Trey commented after a minute of silence.

She nodded and smiled, glancing over at Ryan. He smiled back and she softly said, "Yeah, you can say that."

"So what about now?" Trey asked. "How are you guys doing now?"

Marissa squeezed Ryan's hand and softly said, "We're doing great."

Trey's eyes burned holes into her as he observed her, and then he looked at his little brother and offered him a small smile. "I wish you two the best." He looked at Anthony and said, "But for now, it's Christmas! Enough of this, we need to have some fun!" They spent the remainder of the visit singing Christmas Carols and talking about Santa Claus and other fun, holiday-related things until Ryan and Theresa decided it was time they should go. As they were about to leave, Trey held out his hand for Ryan to shake. Ryan stared at the outstretched hand as Trey said, "It's been good seeing you, little brother. I don't know who or what convinced you this was a good idea, but I'm glad you came." He paused. "It means a lot."

Ryan looked up into his brother's eyes and Marissa wondered if he was going to say something inappropriate and mean. After a long, awkward silence he firmly shook Trey's hand and said, "Be careful in there." He gestured towards the door that Trey would soon be leaving so he could go back to his cell.

Trey nodded and let go of his brother's hand. He turned to Theresa and said, "Thanks, you know, for bringing him." He looked down at Anthony and then back at Theresa.

Theresa shrugged. "He deserves to know who his dad is."

Trey looked down at his son and said, "Anthony, I want you to be a good boy for your mom and Ryan, okay?"

Anthony nodded and sadly said, "Kay." Trey hugged the little boy and then handed him to Ryan, who cuddled him and tried to get him to be happy once again.

Finally Trey turned and looked at Marissa. He uncomfortably shifted on his feet and said, "It was nice meeting you, Marissa. You seem like a decent girl. Just don't...don't hurt my little brother." His voice dropped a level and he quietly murmured, "We both know I've done that enough for the both of us."

Marissa offered Trey a smile and said, "It was nice meeting you too, Trey."

The guard came and took Trey away so they all headed back to their cars. When they got there, Ryan went to the back and pulled out a packaged gift for Anthony. "So this is from me and Marissa. I wish I could go to your house and see you open it, but I need to be leaving so I can get back to Newport." Anthony looked at the gift in Ryan's arms. "But call me tomorrow and tell me how you like it, okay?'

"Kay."

Ryan looked at Theresa and smiled at her. "Merry Christmas."

She smiled back. "You too, Ryan. You guys should be going though, it's getting late."

Ryan nodded and looked down at his watch. "Yeah, we should get on the road." He looked at  
Marissa and asked, "Are you ready?"

She nodded and crouched down so that she was closer to being Anthony's height. "Bye, little one. I'm going to miss you."

Anthony smiled that toothy grin of his at her. "Me too." He hugged Marissa and it pulled at her heartstrings when she felt his small little arms around her. She kissed the top of his head and he said, "Bye bye Riss."

As they left Ryan commented, "It's weird how he can't really say his 'r's' except when he's saying your name."

They drove back to the Cohen house in a comfortable silence, just listening to the Christmas music on the radio. When they were nearing their neighborhood Marissa said, "That wasn't so bad."

Ryan snorted. "Yeah, for you."

Marissa looked over at him. "Hey, what's wrong?" He remained silent for a while so she softly said, "Come on, you know you can tell me anything."

He nodded and said, "I know, I'm just trying to think of a way to explain it." He sighed and then said, "It's just hard seeing him and remembering everything. I'm still angry at what he did to Theresa."

Marissa remained silent and then softly said, "I'm in no way telling you what he did was excusable or okay, but he did say he was sorry, and if he hadn't done it...Anthony wouldn't be here."

Ryan nodded and sighed, frustrated. "I know. Sometimes I feel guilty when I see him. I mean, I love him to death, but what happened to Theresa to make him was wrong and unforgivable."

Marissa nodded. "I know, and I agree. It's completely okay to feel that way."

He glanced over at her. "Really?"

She nodded and softly said, "Of course. It's not like you hate him or anything, you're just trying to make sense of everything." Despite the fact he was driving, she leaned over and kissed his cheek. "So don't beat yourself up over it."

He smiled and softly said, "Thanks"

When the arrived at the house, her parents were already there and socializing with the Cohens. Marissa smiled at the sight, glad that their families got along. They all headed to the dinner table and started to eat the magnificent feast set before them that resembled a Thanksgiving dinner. "Thanks for this, it's really good, Kirsten," Marissa said politely.

Kirsten smiled warmly at her. "Thank you."

Julie swallowed her current mouthful of food and said, "So what's this Chrismukkah Ryan told me about?"

Sandy beat Seth at responding and said, "It's a holiday Seth made up as a kid."

Seth rolled his eyes and said, "Well, you see Mrs. Cooper, it's actually a combination of Christmas and Hanukkah..." As he told the story, Ryan reached over and gently rubbed Marissa's thigh, smiling at her when she glanced over at him. She smiled back and suddenly they felt like the whole world had disappeared as they looked into each other's eyes.

The dinner continued with comfortable conversation and quiet laughs until Marissa's parents announced they were stuffed. The Cohens agreed and the two families decided to go to the living room and just hang out together. After an hour of that, Marissa's parents finally called it a night and headed home, reminding Marissa that her curfew was one since it wasn't a school night. The two teens excused themselves and headed to the pool house. When they got there Marissa excitedly said, "Finally we get to exchange gifts!"

Ryan laughed and said, "You've been waiting for this all day long, haven't you?"

She nodded emphatically. "Of course."

He laughed again and went to his closet to get her gifts out while she went to the corner that she had placed his gifts that morning before they left for Chino. They both placed heir gifts for each other on the bed. "So how are we going to do this?"

"One at a time?" Marissa suggested.

Ryan nodded. "Okay." He handed her a large red bag with white tissue paper poking out the top. "Here, you can go first."

She smiled and excitedly took the gift from him. She quickly threw the tissue paper to the side and pulled out a small basket filled with mini-muffins. She looked at Ryan with a grin on her face. "This is so cute. You're so cute for getting this for me."

Ryan frowned. "I don't think I'm cute."

She smirked and said, "Well, you are." She pulled out a chocolate chip muffin and said, "These are good, right?"

He nodded. "I just got them really early this morning."

She smiled and bit into the muffin. "Mmmm, very good. Here, have a bite." Before he could protest, she shoved the rest of the small muffin into his open mouth. He chewed and swallowed, rolling his eyes at her giggles.

"It is good," he said with a smile.

She reached for a gift and handed it to Ryan. "Okay, open this one."

He opened the extremely thin rectangle to reveal a picture frame. He turned it over and saw a picture of the two of them holding Anthony that Theresa had taken for them. He smiled softly and looked up at her nervous face. "It's great, I love it."

She smiled and shyly asked, "Really?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I'll put it on my nightstand."

She looked down at her hands as she said, "I figured this way you can always have a picture of your family beside you..."

He swallowed thickly and gently rubbed his thumb over Marissa's smiling face in the picture before looking up at the real one staring at him with a vulnerable expression. "Thanks," he repeated quietly.

She nodded. "No problem." As he placed the picture on his nightstand, she let her mind wander. She knew maybe she was being too forward too soon, but ever since she had realized she was in love with the boy a few feet from her, she couldn't stop herself from thinking about their future together. She wanted to go to college with him and live with him and spend all of her time with him. She wanted him to hold their child in his arms and look at them with the same look of adoration he held for his young nephew. She wanted him to say he loved her too, not because of that stupid bet with Sarah, but because she wanted him to want all of those things with her too. She knew they were too young to even think about any of those things, but she could only imagine spending forever with him, so why let her age get in the way?

Ryan looked at her and they shared a meaningful gaze before he looked back down at his one remaining gift for her. He lifted it and handed it to her. "And here's my big present."

She unwrapped it, revealing a jewelry box. She looked at him and then down at the box, opening it to reveal a silver heart necklace. "It's actually a locket," he informed her, staring down at his hands.

She took this piece of information and opened it to reveal a picture of her and Ryan sharing a kiss. She looked at him and asked, "When was this taken?"

"The first night we kissed. Apparently Summer knew of some people who are pretty close to stalkers. They had taken pictures of us, and this was one of them." He shrugged. He looked at her, worried that she wouldn't like it. "Do you like it?"

She smiled widely. "Like it? I love it." She lifted her hair and gestured for him to help her put on the necklace. He did, letting his fingers brush against Marissa's neck. He was tempted to lean down and leave a trail of kisses on it, but knew now wasn't the time. "So how do I look?" she asked when he sat back in his place, the necklace now dangling from her neck.

He smiled and gently said, "Beautiful."

She blushed and looked down at her hands. Then she reached into her purse and said, "So here's your big present." She handed him an envelope, earning an eyebrow raise from him. "Open it."

He complied and pulled out two tickets. He looked at what they were for and his whole face broke into a large smile. "You got me tickets to go see Journey?!"

She nodded and smiled at his obvious excitement. "Yeah, they come to L.A. late January. I saw an ad for it on TV and remembered you liked them, so I got tickets for us to go see them together....unless you want to go see them with someone else..."

"Are you crazy?" he said, brushing her comment of. "Of course I want to go with you."

She smiled, her insides warm and bubbly. "They're floor seats, so we should actually be pretty close to the stage."

He smiled, staring down at the tickets as if they were a prized possession. "Have I ever told you that you're the best girlfriend ever?"

She shook her head. "Nope."

His face got serious as he looked into her eyes. "Well, you are." Their eyes connected and he leaned in, softly brushing his lips against hers. "Thank you," he whispered.

"You're welcome," she murmured into the kiss, pushing him down onto the bed. As they continued the kiss, Marissa let herself believe that maybe Ryan did love her too; that maybe her thoughts of a life with him weren't so crazy after all.

And as she thought this, Ryan was having thoughts of his own: thoughts of Marissa, and if this feeling he had meant he was falling in love with her.

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**Okay, two things. One, there's only one chapter left before Ryan finds out about the bet.**

**And two, I have to ask you guys: which do you prefer I write in future stories, first or third person?**

**Individual Replies: **

**Juzzy88: **Thanks!

**oc_bunney:** It's alright. I do appreciate your reviews though.

**Hpfangurl12993:** Okay, I'll try to do that one if I don't continue one of my old ones.

**Sara: ** Well there must always be humor!

**Elly:** I agree, My Sister's Keeper is a good book – great even – but in my opinion, they did it no justice with the movie. Everything was different.

**Kellybby: **haha, no, there wouldn't be much of a story.

**G:** Yep.

**Marissa Davis:** lol, I'm glad to see you have faith in the sex scenes I write. It's flattering. I hope I don't let you down the next chapter. Oh woops, did I just reveal too much? : )

**bwunnies: ** here ya go!


	11. Be Aware of Wonder

**A/N I wasn't really motivated to write because I didn't have as many reviews as usual. I'm sorry if you guys didn't like the last chapter. I can't say this chapter is much better, it's pretty much fluff. I don't know if you guys like that. Ryan finds out about the bet next chapter though, so we'll all get to see what happens with them. Thank you for my reviews because I really, truly appreciate them. R/R, enjoy!**

**Ch. 11: Be aware of wonder**

_**Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that. **_

_**-Robert Fulghum**_

On New Years Eve Marissa decided she wanted to throw a party to celebrate the new year. Her parents were on vacation and would be gone until the day school started again and Ryan had told her the Cohens were going out of town for the night to celebrate the new year in a nice bed and breakfast somewhere, leaving her, Ryan, and Seth all alone to do whatever they wanted. Considering this was her senior year and Marissa wanted to have some fun, she really wanted to throw a party everyone would remember.

The first problem Marissa encountered in her quest to have a party was convincing Ryan to help her. She entered the pool house at eight in the morning, realizing she needed to immediately get started on the plans if she was going to pull it off by that night. She walked towards his bed quietly and slipped into bed beside him, allowing herself to just watch him for a few minutes. He looked so adorable when he slept, his hair all messy and tousled, his face buried in the pillow. She smiled at the sight before him and briefly entertained the thought of blowing off the party idea and just laying in bed with Ryan all day, but then quickly shook the thought from her head and decided to wake him. "Ryan, it's time to get up," she said gently, rubbing his back a little.

He groaned and buried his face further into the pillow before rolling over and tiredly looking at her. "What time is it?"

"Only eight..." she started, but was interrupted by his groan.

"What are you doing getting me up at eight on a holiday?" He asked, slightly glaring at her.

"I need your help," she admitted, standing up from the bed. She grabbed his arm and pulled her hardest, trying to get him off the bed. He eventually complied and let her pull him off the bed, staring at her with a bewildered look. "Now go brush your teeth, comb your hair, get dressed, and then we'll go to the diner and get some pancakes while I explain my plan to you." He raised his eyebrows at her but didn't move. "Chop, chop!" She said, shoving him in the direction of the bathroom. She giggled a little when she heard him mumbling under his breath about it being 'too damn early' and 'having a crazy girlfriend.'

An hour and a few short stacks of pancakes later, Ryan stared at Marissa and shook his head. "I don't like parties."

She sighed and gave him the puppy dog look. "Come on, Ryan...it won't be all that bad."

He shook his head. "Yeah, it will. I really, really don't like parties."

She stuck out her bottom lip, watching his resolve beginning to vanish at her pleading. "It'll mean a lot to me."

He looked at her and took in a deep breath, then let it out in a long sigh. "Fine."

She grinned widely and leaned in to give him a grateful kiss. "You're the best boyfriend ever!"

He rolled his eyes but gave her a small smile. "Okay, what do we have to do?"

"Well first we need to get supplies...you know, food and drinks." She thought about it. "So I was thinking we could go get a bunch of chips, and I could get Summer to get our friends to bring some other stuff. It could be a group planned party by the social committee...or at least I can make them think it is so I don't have to do everything on my own..."

Ryan laughed a little. "Way to use your friends."

She waved him off with her hand. "I guess you haven't noticed that the only real 'friend' I have is Summer." She saw his hurt look and added, "Other than you, of course...though you mean more to me than any friend could."

"You too," he replied softly, his eyes looking deep into hers.

She reached over and placed her hand in his, letting him lace their fingers together. She smiled and felt her stomach flutter as his warm hand enveloped hers. "But anyways, back to the party. I'm not into fake IDs and getting kegs, so I'll let Sarah handle that. Her older brother supplies all the liquor for our parties."

"So we're all set then?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I'll call Summer and let her rally the social committee, and then we can go shopping for food."

Ryan put down the money for their breakfast. "Alright, let's get started then."

She stood, grinning, and pulled him up with her. He smiled back at her and together they walked out of the diner, hand in hand.

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Ryan was tired from all the running around and decorating that day. Marissa had completely transformed her house to be the perfect party location. The furniture was pushed aside for so they could have plenty of room to dance, one of the rooms was changed to be an area where people could play Guitar Hero or Rock Band, and the backyard had the stereo system hooked up so they could get music back there too and lounge by the pool. The weather was warm, not at all cold so that going into and out of the heated pool could be done without any freezing.

Ryan had helped Marissa prepare all day long and now he just wanted to sleep, even though it was only eight. They had gone out to have a nice dinner, just the two of them, since the snacks being served at the party were anything but a decent meal. Marissa was waiting for her friends to arrive and they were going to hang out for a bit before the party started that night at ten. Ryan had no idea why she would want to hang out with people that she didn't really consider friends for two hours, but that was her decision. Besides, it have him a good excuse to just kick back and relax in the pool house.

Unfortunately for him, Seth had other plans. "Hey man, what's up?"

Ryan sighed and looked at his adoptive brother. "What do you want, Seth? I'm tired."

"Right, but not tired enough to spend time with Marissa, right?" Seth said bitterly, sitting down on the chair next to Ryan's bed.

"Seth, you know it's not like that."

"Actually, I don't." Seth looked at Ryan, upset. "Look, ever since you started dating her, things between us have been rocky to say the least."

"Maybe they wouldn't be if you'd actually accept she's my girlfriend and stop trying to make us break up," Ryan retorted.

Ignoring his comment, Seth continued. "Don't you think it's wrong to let a girl come between us?" Seth sighed. "Bros before hos, remember?"

Ryan glared at Seth. "Marissa is not a ho."

Seth rolled his eyes. "But you get what I'm saying, right?"

Ryan sighed. "Look, Seth, I'm not giving up Marissa because you feel abandoned. You're the one making yourself so miserable and alone. We could all hang out if you would just give her a chance." Ryan gave Seth a defeated look. "Please? For me?"

Seth just eyed Ryan. "Why should I?"

Ryan remained silent for a long time, looking down at his hands. Then, after what felt like an eternity of silence, he looked up and vulnerable, said, "Because I love her."

Seth raised his eyebrows. "I think you should stop and think about this before..."

Ryan shook his head and interrupted Seth. "No, I know I love her. I realized it at Christmas, though I've been feeling this way for longer than that."

Seth stared at Ryan and shook his head in disbelief. "I can't believe you could be stupid enough to fall for Marissa Cooper."

Ryan shrugged. "Stupid or not, it happened and I can't take it back. So I'm sorry, but you need to get over whatever issues you have with her if you want to hang out with me."

Seth glared at Ryan and stood from his chair. "Have fun at your party tonight," he spat out, then stormed out of the pool house.

Ryan sighed and leaned his head back on the pillow, just thinking. Why was Seth so against Marissa? He just lay there for a long time, brooding as he always did after an argument with Seth about Marissa. What he had said was true: he did love Marissa. He was in love for the first time in his life and he loved the feeling. It's why he would do anything with Marissa, and why he would do anything she wanted him to. It really bothered him that Seth couldn't put aside his past feeling for Marissa and get to know her as the incredible, smart, funny, amazing, beautiful girl she really was.

He was so lost in thought that he didn't hear the girl he was thinking about enter. "Penny for your thoughts?" Marissa softly said, laying down beside him and resting her head on his chest.

He looked at her and immediately felt better. He wrapped an arm around her and then looked back at the ceiling. "I got into another argument with Seth." Her head was turned on its side so she could see his face. He leaned his face towards her and pressed his lips against hers gently before pulling back and saying, "But it doesn't matter now."

"You sure?" she asked softly, gazing at him intently.

He nodded. "I have you with me now." He glanced at his clock and sighed. "Party time?"

She nodded and smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. He knew she felt bad for making him argue with Seth so much, but it wasn't her fault, it was Seth's for not giving her a second chance. "Yeah, actually why I'm here. I can't throw a party without my boyfriend there by my side." When she said the word 'boyfriend' she genuinely smiled. It made him wonder if she loved him too.

"Do I really have to go?" he groaned.

She nodded. "Yes, you have to go. It looks bad for you not to go, especially since you live right next door."

He sighed and said, "Fine, I suppose I'll get up now..." She saw the humor in his eyes, signaling he wasn't really upset, just being dramatic.

She giggled a little and rolled over so she was no longer on his chest, even though she preferred their previous position much better. They both stood and headed for the door. Before she could walk out, Ryan pulled Marissa back and pulled her to him, crashing his lips against hers. She giggled again but kissed him back, subconsciously wrapping her arms around his neck. When he pulled back, she looked at him through half open eyes, still getting over their breathtaking kiss. "What was that for?"

He smiled and pecked her lips again. "Just getting ready for the party. I can't go unless I have a few good kisses."

She rolled her eyes but leaned in and kissed him again. As the kiss progressed, she soon found herself pressed against the glass of the pool house door with Ryan's tongue tickling her own. She moaned and ran her hands through his thick blond hair, hear heart beating a million miles a minute. After a kiss that seemed to go on for hours but at the same time only a few minutes, Ryan pulled away and leaned his forehead against hers. He gazed into her eyes lovingly and it made her feel lighter than air. "Come on, let's go," she said, lightly shoving him away from her with a small, breathless giggle.

He gave her a lazy smile and took her hand, pulling her out of the pool house. "Fine, let's go party."

After a short walk they were met with a bunch of people already in full swing party mood. Ryan rolled his eye at the crazy people, earning a stern look from Marissa. He gave her a sweet smile and she laughed. "I think all my friends are in the kitchen." She pulled him after her, never letting him go even though everyone seemed to be bumping into them. Finally they reached the kitchen and Marissa spotted Summer. "Hey, Sum."

"Hey Coop...Atwood, always a pleasure," Summer joked.

Ryan smiled and wrapped his arms around Marissa, resting his chin on her shoulder. She ignored the shivers and warmth that flowed through her body, or at least tried to as she faced all of her friends. "So you guys are pretty good and getting last minute parties together," Ryan commented, quickly glancing out at the crowd of dancing people. "Even for a house party, it's really nice."

Marissa beamed, obviously pleased to have Ryan's approval. Her smile quickly turned to a frown when she saw Sarah watching the two of them with a smirk. "Yeah, Marissa's really great, isn't she Ryan?" Sarah remarked, a fake smile on her face.

Ryan nodded and lightly kissed Marissa's cheek. "Yeah, she is."

Marissa closed her eyes and let herself lean back against Ryan, knowing that he would be her support. His arms tightened around her and it made her feel as if everything would be okay. "So school is starting again pretty soon. Are you looking forward to it, Ryan?" Sarah asked, casting an evil smirk in Marissa's direction.

Ryan shrugged. "Not really. School is pretty boring."

Sarah's eyes sparkled. "Oh don't worry, I have this feeling things will get very interesting."

Ryan raised his eyebrows. "Really? What makes you think that?"

Sarah smiled at Marissa, which made Ryan look at his girlfriend questioningly. "I don't know, it's just this feeling I have. What do you think, Marissa?"

Marissa gave her a fake smile but inside she was afraid that Sarah would reveal the bet to Ryan. Sure he would find out in a few days regardless, but she wasn't ready for the truth to come out until then. "I don't really know what you're talking about, Sarah. Maybe you should go get your head checked out or something, if you're getting all these 'feelings.' Are you hearing voices again?"

Sarah's eyes narrowed at Marissa. "Enjoy it while you can, Cooper." Her eyes darted from the confused Ryan to the annoyed Marissa. "Because the honeymoon always ends." With that Sarah walked away, starting to dance with some random jock.

Ryan softly whispered, "What was that about?"

Marissa shook her head and turned to look into his eyes. "Nothing. Sarah just has some issues." She smiled at him and pecked his lips. "Nothing you need to be worried about."

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Seth Cohen despised Marissa and her annoying party and the fact that she seemed to have Ryan under her spell. He'd seen movies and read books about this sort of thing; the witches putting the vulnerable men under spells, therefore making their attack worse than it would have initially been. He didn't know exactly what Ryan saw in Marissa, but it couldn't be the truth. The true Marissa Cooper that everyone at Harbor had become accustomed to was a snobby, stuck-up bitch that only cared about getting a new purse or five thousand dollar dress. She wasn't anything but trouble, and she had Ryan under her tight grasp.

Regardless of his feelings toward the witch of Ryan's life, Ryan was head over heels for her, so Seth had to at least make an attempt to get along with her. That's why he found himself fighting through the crowd of sweaty, dancing teenagers looking for Ms. Witch herself. He bumped into a couple who seemed to be more making out than dancing and mumbled a quick sorry before continuing through the endless sea of dancers. Finally he saw some chick he saw Marissa hanging out with at school...Sarah something or another. She was standing in the corner acting bored, probably looking for some guy to make a move on her or something. He walked up to her and asked, "Have you seen Marissa?"

Sarah eyed him up and down. "What's it to you, geek?"

Seth sighed and rolled his eyes. "Right, sorry, I forgot that everyone within a mile's radius gets corrupted by Princess Marissa. Sorry I wasted your time."

He was about to turn when he felt her hand on his not-so-buff bicep. "Wait." He turned to give her a blank look and she eyed him for a second before saying, "You're Seth Cohen, right? Ryan's brother?"

_Wow, how pathetic is it that he was referred to as 'Ryan's brother' when he was the one from Newport! _He nodded. "Yeah, so?"

Sarah's face brightened up. "And you don't like Marissa?"

Seth looked down at his feet and mumbled, "That's not really up for discussion..."

"What if I told you I can help Ryan see the Marissa Cooper we're all used to?"

Seth's eyes quickly flew up to meet hers. "What do you mean?"

Sarah grabbed his arm and started to pull him towards the stairs. "Well, you see, there's this bet..."

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It was half an hour to midnight and Marissa was sick and tired of everyone around her. Ryan had gone out to get her some nonalcoholic drinks since they had run out of those. He'd been gone for a while and in his absence she discovered she didn't really want to be around any of these people, only him; only the boy she loved.

She wandered away from everyone and walked down her parent's property to a deserted spot far enough away from everyone that she didn't have to listen to the obnoxious yelling the extremely drunk idiots were doing. She sat there and stared out at the dark waters off in the distance, pulling her knees to her chest. It was beginning to get cool out for the first time since Christmas. She wondered if the people in the pool noticed.

As she stared out at the water, she let her mind wander. Of course, this meant she was thinking of Ryan, the only thing that she ever really thought about. She thought back to when they first met at registration and before she knew it there was a smile playing out on her face. Her thoughts drifted to when they first kissed up there on that ferris wheel at kick-off and eventually to when he finally opened up to her with everything from his past. When Ryan first left to go get the drinks, Sarah had cornered her and asked if she really thought Ryan loved her.

"_I hope so,_" she had replied.

"_Why?_" Sarah had asked with a smirk. "_You afraid of losing?_"

She had merely nodded. She was afraid of losing – afraid of losing him, not the bet.

Marissa thought about Ryan and a smile tugged at her lips. How come she didn't listen to Summer all those months ago when she said not to do this bet, or to tell Ryan. Now she couldn't tell him because she was too afraid he would get mad and leave her, which would tear her in two. She couldn't lose Ryan, not when she loved him this much. Not when the only thing she cared about was him.

Did he love her? That was the question she had asked herself over and over since her run-in with Sarah. Did she win the bet; would Monday bring him heartache? She let out a long sigh as she stared out at the water, too lost in thought to hear the approaching footsteps. "Hey."

She turned and saw Ryan standing there, the cool breeze going through his hair. She gave him a weak smile and then looked back out in front of her, pulling her knees even tighter to her chest, resting her chin on them. "Hey."

He sat down next to her and crossed his legs. "I bought a bunch of Coke, Hawaiian Punch, and other stuff from the gas station. Traffic was unbelievable." He held up a bottle and handed it to her. "I figured you'd like your own bottle, not just something poured from the bit bottle...so I got you a coke."

She grabbed it and smiled at him gratefully. "Thanks."

He observed her for a minute before asking, "Are you okay? You're being really quiet."

She nodded. "Yeah, just thinking."

"About?" he prodded, encouraging her to open up to him just like he'd opened up to her so many times.

"Stuff." Upon seeing his disappointed face, she added, "Us."

He raised his eyebrows. "What about us?"

She shrugged. "How we got to be where we are today. It all went by so fast."

He smiled and leaned over to kiss her cheek. "Yeah, I know." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a packet of plain M&Ms. He opened it and offered her some. She took a few and then he poured some into his hand, popping them into his mouth. "I used to always eat M&Ms with Trey on New Years. He always refused to eat the blue ones for some reason."

Marissa smiled at the revelation. "Sounds fun."

He nodded but his eyes were glazed, letting her know he was stuck in his memories. "It was. We would go and sit on the broken Merry-Go-Round at the abandoned park and watch the fireworks." He suddenly let out a sad sigh. "Before he went to jail, anyways."

She leaned over and rested her head on his shoulder, letting him wrap his around her and hold her close. Breaking the comfortable silence, she asked, "What time is it?"

He looked at his watch. "11:50."

She abruptly stood and grabbed his hand, pulling him with her. "Follow me," she said, leading him away from her house. "And don't make any noise."

When they reached his backyard he finally asked, "What are you doing?"

She pulled him into the pool house and said, "I can't deal with the party right now. I thought I wanted it this morning, but now I know I just want to spend the night with you and only you." She walked over to his bed and flopped down on it, turning on the TV. She turned and looked at him, watching him take off his jacket and shoes. He finally walked over to the bed and when he got down on it and wrapped his arms around her with his attention turned to the TV, she knew that she was ready.

She turned so that she was looking into his eyes, then leaned in and kissed him hard on the mouth, immediately prying it open with her tongue. As her hands moved to his shirt he pulled back and breathlessly asked, "What are you..."

"I'm ready," she replied, just as breathlessly. She kissed him tenderly before saying, "I want this...I want you."

"Are you sure?" He asked, trying to pull back from her so that he could really judge if she was ready or not.

She nodded and looked into his eyes. "Summer's always saying how you spend New Years Eve is how you're going to spend the rest of the year. I want to spend the rest of the year with you." She paused and when he was about to protest she cut him off once again. "And you can't say it isn't special because what's more special than doing it as the new year rolls in?"

The fight was leaving him. "I don't want to make you do something you don't want to."

She laughed and leaned in to kiss him again. "Ryan, I'm the one that attacked you."

"True," he mumbled, kissing her back heatedly. When she ran her hands under his shirt and pulled it over his head, he asked, "So we're really doing this?"

She nodded and reconnected their lips. "Oh yeah."

His pent up lust seemed to take control then because he flipped her over and started kissing her with all the passion he had in him, making her moan into his mouth and fumble with getting the button on his jeans undone. When she finally got it undone, she pulled down the zipper and then quickly pushed them down. She sat up a little and he pulled her shirt over her head, then pulled her jeans off. She kicked them off and he started kissing down her neck, sucking on her extremely sensitive spot, causing her to buck her hips and moan loudly in pleasure.

He smiled and unclasped her bra, moving his lips down to her breasts. She moaned and ran her slender fingers through his thick, blond hair, tugging at it a little as he pleasured her. Eventually he trailed his lips down to her stomach, kissing just above the cloth of her panties. She was writhing under him now, needing him to take her where she'd never been before. He pulled her panties down and then kissed up her leg to her inner thigh, teasing her as he slowly inched higher and higher. "Ryan," she softly whimpered, not able to take it anymore. "Please." She tugged on his hair again so that he was looking at her and gave him a pleading look. She wanted him. She needed him.

He kissed back up her body and then gave her a short, passionate kiss before reaching for his nightstand drawer and pulling out a condom. As he did that, she pulled down his boxers. He leaned down to kiss her again but saw the look on her face and stopped. "What's wrong?" he asked, concern clouding his face.

She shook her head and stared down at the newly exposed part of his body. "It's just...wow.."

He tried to keep the smug expression off his face. "Good wow?"

She reached out and let her warm fingers run down his length, making him shiver and moan. "Definitely a good wow."

He quickly rolled on the condom and positioned himself over her. On the TV they were counting down the last minute. "You ready?" he murmured, looking deep into her eyes to make sure this was really okay with her. "We can stop right now if you want to."

She nodded. "I'm ready."

He never took his eyes off her as he slowly entered her, not wanting to hurt her. At the sharp intake of breath, he paused and looked at her with worry. "Are you okay?"

She bit her lip and nodded, getting adjusted to him. "Yeah, it just hurt for a second there." She moved her hips to bring him further into her and softly moaned.

"Happy New Year!" They heard from the TV and loud teenagers at the party next door.

"Does it still hurt?" he asked, not wanting to hurt her even though being inside of her was a euphoric feeling to him.

She moved her hips more so that he was completely inside of her and he let out a low moan. "Not really...it feels..." She pulled his face down to hers and kissed him deeply. "It feels good." That was all he needed; he let his body take over and gently thrust in and out of her, causing both teenagers to moan and groan at the great feelings they were evoking in each other. They came together, Marissa digging her nails into his back as her eyes rolled back in her head from the intense euphoric feeling washing over her.

Ryan collapsed on the spot next to her. He wrapped his arms around her and he rested her head on his sweaty chest. It took a few minutes for their breathing to get normal again, and in that time she enjoyed listening to his rapidly beating heart. After a few minutes he couldn't take it anymore. "Was that okay? For your first time?" He let out a deep breath. "I mean, was it everything you wanted it to be?"

"No," she said softly. "It wasn't."

His heart stood still, she swore it did. "Oh," he said, sounding defeated.

She grinned wickedly and softly pecked his lips. "It wasn't because it was better than I ever imagined."

He let out a relieved laugh and flipped her over so he could hover over her, making her squeal in surprise. "That so wasn't fair. You had me worried."

She lifted her hands and rested them on the sides of his face, smiling up at him. "I know, I'm evil."

He rolled his eyes and laughed. "Very, very evil." He leaned in and kissed her gently. She moved her hands up and let them run through his hair, further messing it up.

After a long, thorough kiss, he pulled back and leaned back onto the bed, pulling her to his body. After cuddling for a while, Marissa suddenly sat up and said, "Oh god, what about the party?"

He sat up and kissed her neck and shoulders. "What about it?"

"We've been in here for over an hour. I hope they haven't broken anything..." She stood and started looking around for her clothes.

Ryan watched as she got dressed, completely fascinated by his naked girlfriend. How did he get this lucky? "Let the party take care of itself and come back to bed."

She shook her head. "There's a ton of cleaning to do and we shouldn't leave it to everyone else to do it, we need to help. It is my house, after all."

"Why don't we do it tomorrow, or actually, later on today when it's not dark?" he suggested.

She pulled her shirt over her head and looked over at him, completely clothed. "Because I'd rather do this tonight and get it over with so I can spend all day tomorrow with you relaxing...preferably in bed."

He grinned and threw the blankets off him. "I like the way you think."

She laughed and said, "Get dressed." He got off the bed and looked around for his boxers. As he was putting them on, she grabbed him a button up shirt.

When she handed it to him, he looked at her confusedly. "I had a shirt before..."

She nodded and smirked. "I know, but I want you to wear this one so that you can leave it open and I can see your chest and abs." She pecked his lips before sitting on the bed. "It will keep me super motivated to hurry so we can come back to the pool house."

He laughed and put on the black button up, leaving it open as she requested. "There, happy?"

She smiled. "Very." As he was getting his shoes on, she stood and looked at the bed that they had occupied not too long ago. At the sight of the red spot she immediately blushed.

He looked up and saw her looking embarrassed. "What's wrong?" She glanced at the sheets and his eyes followed hers. "Oh." He shrugged. "I'll change the sheets when we get back and wash them tomorrow before the Cohens get home." He stood and tenderly kissed her forehead. "It's no problem. Now let's go break up that party and clean so we can come back to bed."

She smiled, relieved that he didn't make a big deal about it, and together they headed back towards her house.

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An hour later they were nearly finished cleaning. It was late and a lot of people were tired, but they had done it. Ryan was busy taking out the trash bags filled with plastic cups and trash while Marissa and Sarah were putting things back where they belonged. "Alright, I think that's about it," Marissa told Sarah. "Thanks for staying, you were a great help."

Sarah shrugged. "No problem." She looked at Marissa's messy hair and glowing face, and realization dawned on her face. "You had sex!"

Marissa looked at her like she was crazy, but there was no mistaking the deep blush on her face. "I don't know what you..."

"Explain to me then how come you have sex hair, are glowing, and have a hickey! You totally just had sex!" Sarah accused.

Marissa sighed. This was a very embarrassing situation. "It's none of your business."

Sarah was very jealous at the thought of Marissa getting to have Ryan, especially after she'd seen those abs of his while he was cleaning. "I told Ryan's brother....Sid or whatever."

"Seth?" Marissa questioned. "Told him what?"

"About our little bet." Sarah smirked when she saw all the color drain from Marissa's face. "He said he wouldn't tell your boyfriend anything, but he'll be there to make things easier for Ryan when we break the news to him on Monday."

Marissa sighed. "Look, I don't want to do this anymore. You win, okay?"

Sarah shook her head. "See, a couple of months ago I would have agree with you and this whole thing would be over." She flashed an evil smirk at Marissa. "But you continued, and now I really want to know the answer, don't you?"

"I can find out without continuing the bet." Marissa gave her a pleading look. "Please, Sarah, if you have one ounce of compassion you'll let us end this right now."

Sarah saw Ryan entering the house again out of the corner of her eyes. "My mom always told me I lacked compassion." She smiled at Ryan as he walked up to Marissa. "I'll leave you two alone. See you at school." With that, she walked away, smiling the entire time.

Ryan was oblivious to the conversation that had just taken place. "Are you ready?" he asked, wrapping his arms around her.

She shook her head. "No, I will be in just a second. Why don't you go to the pool house and I'll be there in a minute?"

Ryan nodded. He leaned in and pecked her lips quickly. "Okay, don't take long."

She smiled at the desire written in his eyes. "Don't worry, I won't." She watched him walk away and walked around her house, surveying the area to make sure they hadn't missed anything. The furniture was in place, the liquor gone, the trash picked up...they had cleaned everything.

As she made her way to the pool house, she thought about what school on Monday would bring for her and Ryan's relationship. Would he find it in his heart to forgive her? When she entered the pool house, she saw Ryan putting on fresh sheets. He looked up and his face brightened when he saw her.  
She could only hope that he would find in his heart to continue wanting to be with her.

Ryan wanted to tell Marissa so much. He wanted to tell her that she was the most amazing, incredible, funny, smart, beautiful girl he'd ever met. He wanted to tell her that he trusted her completely and knew she would never hurt him. He wanted to tell her he wanted them to go to college together and live together and be with each other much longer than this new year they were in. He wanted to tell her that he loved her.

But since he didn't know how to even begin to find the words to tell her what he was thinking, he patted the newly made bed and waited for her to come lay on it with him. He took her into his arms and kissed her with all the passion he could muster. He couldn't find the words to tell her he loved her, so he would settle with showing her instead.

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**I'm pretty sure I can finish this story this month, but we'll see. How fast I write depends on how fast I get my reviews.**

**Oh, and this chapter is longer than all the others, so I hope you enjoy it!**

**Individual replies:**

**Juzzy88: **Yes, I agree, it is cute.

**Hpfangurl12993:** Seriously, you have no idea how big a grin I got on my face when I saw your review. : )

**G: **love ya, G!

**oc_bunney:** Only one more chapter until we find out!

**Kellybby**: I think they have already fallen.

**Sailaway: **I thought you were gone for good! It's good to see you again! And, yes, lol, I know you still like Lollypops. Did you see my reply to a review about what I plan on doing my next story on? I plan on making it set in college.

**Bwunnies:** Why thank you.

**Elly: **I posted, lol, here you go.


	12. Clean Up Your Own Mess

**A/N You guys are awesome and I'm sorry I didn't post before. I've been going through a lot. Someone I thought I knew hurt me and I couldn't write. Then my grandma got sick and went to the hospital and I was freaking out about that. So please forgive me for not posting sooner cause you guys deserved another post. **

**Chapter 12: Clean up your own mess**

Monday came quicker than Marissa wanted. She had spent every free moment with Ryan after their first night together on New Years and the last couple of days of their break were amazing. She made a point of ignoring her friends from school so that she couldn't be reminded about that stupid bet. She knew she had hell to pay when they went to school, but she wanted everything leading up to it to be absolutely perfect. This was her chance to show Ryan that they were great together, that he should still continue wanting to be with her after he found out about the bet. They went to the beach, the pier, the mall, Chino, a park, the movies, and anything else they could think of. Not to mention they spent nights in bed becoming acquainted with the other's body.

Early Monday morning Marissa's phone alarm went off, signaling she needed to get up and head back to her house before her parents realized she wasn't home. She turned off the alarm quickly, trying not to wake Ryan up just yet. She turned back to the position they had been in, her head rested in the crook his neck, her arm slung loosely across his bare front, and his arms wrapped possessively around her naked body. After their activities, they didn't want to put their clothes back on. They both enjoyed the feeling of their bare bodies pressed together, so they slept in the nude.

After a few minutes Marissa let out a small sigh, deciding she really did need to get up despite how comfortable she was with Ryan. Her parents would kill her and restrict her from ever coming over to Ryan's house again if they knew she had spent the night with him, especially since it had been a school night. What they didn't understand was Marissa's bed no longer felt comfortable, that it couldn't be if Ryan wasn't there. She loved his arms around her, she loved his manly smell – she just loved him.

She gently kissed his neck and then slowly got up, carefully pulling his arms from her. She was sitting on the edge of the bed looking around for her clothes when she felt a strong arm pull her back down. She giggled and turned to see Ryan watching her with a lazy smile. "Where do you think you're going?"

"I have to get home before my parents wake up." Even as she said this, he wrapped his arms around her as she rested her head on his chest.

"Or, we could forget about your parents, ditch school, and do something fun," he suggested.

She smiled. "I would love to, but you know we need to get back to school. Finals are coming soon and we need to be there for the last minute information that will be on it."

He let out a dramatic sigh. "Fine, I suppose we can go to school."

She laughed. "I'm glad you realized that, Will you let me go now?"

He shook his head. "Of course not."

She rolled her eyes but continued to smile. She couldn't not smile when she was around him. "Ryan, I need to go home and get ready."

He looked over at his clock. "It's not even seven."

"My parents wake up every morning at seven," she reminded him.

"But I don't want you to go." He gave her an adorable smile that made her feel warm and giddy inside.

She pulled herself from his arms and said, "I'll be back later when I'm dressed."

"But I like watching you get dressed," he said, eying her suggestively.

She laughed. "If I recall, you like watching me get undressed even better."

He smiled and put his hands behind his head, looking at her with tired eyes. "Yeah, that too."

She laughed as she dressed, but slowly her mind turned to what school would bring. She kept a smile on her face, but inside she was terrified. What would Ryan say when he learned the truth? She walked over to the bed and kissed Ryan's cheek. "I expect you to be up and ready in an hour." She gave him a firm look and then walked to her house.

As she got dressed, she thought of Sarah and what she had in store today. How would they judge, anyways? How could you tell someone loved you? She sighed and sat on her bed, running her brush through her hair as her mind wandered. She had taken a shower and dried her hair, but didn't straighten it. As she sat thinking, she heard her phone ring and quickly answered it. "Hello?"

"Hey Coop," Summer said. Marissa relaxed a little hearing her best friend's voice until Summer said, "So, it's D-day...how do you feel?"

"Terrified," she admitted.

"Do you think he really does love you?" Summer asked.

"I don't know, I hope he does but I kind of don't at the same time." Marissa sighed. "If he loves me then it's great because I love him too, but he's going to be so mad. But if he doesn't love me, then he won't really care either way."

"You should have listened to me."

"I know," Marissa said with a large sigh. "I wish I had never gotten involved in the bet."

"Well, I have to go. I'll see you at school?"

Marissa nodded and sighed. "Look for me, I'll be the one with a broken heart." She hung up and finished getting ready. She stared in her reflection in the mirror, at the hope in her eyes. She wondered if the day would bring heartache or if Ryan could find a way to look past everything she'd done. She laughed at herself softly; she was making it sound like she'd killed someone. When she thought back to Ryan's story with his mom, she immediately wiped the smile off her face.

On her way to the pool house, she ran into Seth. He was sitting out on the patio with a cup of coffee in his hand, staring down at the table. She slowed and he looked up, catching her eye. She bit her lip and quietly said, "Hey Seth."

He nodded towards her. "Marissa."

She stood there awkwardly, fidgeting with her fingers. "Um, I was just going to go get Ryan..." She started walking towards the door but his voice stopped her in her tracks.

"Why did you do it?" He asked, looking at her angrily.

She sighed and walked towards the table, pulling a chair back. "You mind?" Before he could answer, she sat across from him. "At first it was because Sarah provoked me. Then I wanted to win because I was sick of her spreading bad things about me. I was sick of people acting like I was some horrible person, because I'm not." She let out a deep breath. "And then I fell in love with him and I couldn't bear to let him go. I knew if I told him, he would leave me, so I tried to make him fall in love with me too so that maybe he wouldn't care."

Seth didn't say anything while she spoke, just stared at his coffee mug. When she couldn't stand the silence anymore, he finally said, "Did you ever think that the reason people think you're such a bitch is because you are?"

"I'm not-"

He cut her off. "You ignore people because they're not from Newport, and the one person that you did talk to was because of a bet with a friend." He stood and shook his head. "Think about it." Without another sound, he walked away.

Marissa sighed and stood, pushing in the chair before brushing her hair out of her face and continuing towards the pool house door. She slowly opened it and put a smile on her face as she walked in. "Are you ready?" she asked Ryan.

He nodded and smiled at her. He stood and made his way to her, wrapping his arms around her. He kissed her softly before pulling back and giving her a gentle hug. He looked into her eyes and gave her a smile that made her knees weak. Did he love her? "I got ready just like you asked." He looked at her suggestively. "Do I get a reward for being a good boy?"

She laughed and rolled her eyes. "I suppose I can give you one small reward..." She leaned in and kissed him passionately, tightly wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Mmm.." he murmured, kissing her back just as passionately. After a few minutes he pulled away, breathing heavily. "I should be a good boy more often."

She laughed breathlessly. "Good idea. Maybe I'll give you a little more later when we get home from school."

His eyes sparkled. "I'm looking forward to it."

She continued to laugh and pulled away, grabbing his hand. "Come on, let's get to school you horny boy." He laughed and followed her.

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Sarah Fisher hated Marissa Cooper. Ever since the first grade she had paled in comparison to little miss perfect. The boys always chased her on the playground. The teachers always knew her first name before she even stepped in the door of their classroom. She was always on the A honor roll. She was the first girl to be asked out in the fourth grade. She was the prettiest girl in their middle school, and the most popular in high school. She got every guy she wanted by just smiling. She won all the awards. She was known by all the adults in Newport. She was rich. Her only flaw was that she didn't talk to outsiders. The only person more annoying than Marissa was Taylor Townsend, but no one liked her anyways.

Sarah had hated Marissa for eleven years and she was willing to do whatever it took in order to make her hurt. That's why she spread so many rumors about Marissa; rumors that weren't anywhere close to being true. She told people that she looked down upon people if they were poor, that she had slept with teachers and thats why she got such good grades. She even made up a story about Marissa having an affair with a married man. People believed whatever Sarah said, no matter how outrageous, because they wanted gossip. They thrived on it.

When Sarah arrived at school on Monday morning, she knew she was going to lose the bet. That much had been made obvious to her on New Years when she saw the way Ryan followed Marissa like an obedient little dog. He was head over heels in love with Marissa, and it annoyed Sarah because he was actually a nice guy and of course Marissa would get a nice guy to fall for her. Not to mention Sarah had a crush on Ryan ever since he stopped the guy from hitting her at a party.

But just because she lost the bet didn't mean she couldn't hurt Marissa. She'd seen the way Marissa looked at Ryan too, and she was just as if not more so in love with Ryan. After Marissa begged her to call off the bet, Sarah was pretty sure she hadn't told him about it, which made things even more perfect. At the beginning Sarah had planned on finding someone to judge Ryan's love for Marissa, but now she had a better idea. A more painful one.

As she walked down the halls, she caught sight of Ryan and Marissa leaning against Marissa's locker, staring at each other in a way that made Sarah feel like throwing up. Ryan held his hand up to Marissa's face and brushed the hair away, tucking it behind her ear. Sarah rolled her eyes and opened her locker, pulling out the books she would need for class. When she closed it she saw Ryan lean in and kiss Marissa in what could only be perceived as a loving way. Sarah sighed and leaned against her locker, looking away from the grossly cute couple She smiled when she realized she was about to destroy them.

When she looked back, she saw that they were gone. She walked to the lounge and saw Ryan getting a coffee. She smiled, taking this as her chance. She grabbed the first guy she could find and pulled him with her to Ryan. "What the hell?"

"Just go along with it." She observed the nerd she had grabbed and gave him a dazzling smile. "I'll go out with you tonight."

This seemed to be a good enough incentive and the nerd nodded. Sarah discreetly rolled her eyes. When she got to Ryan she said, "Ryan! It's good to see you."

He turned to her and gave her a polite smile. "Sarah," he acknowledged.

"So, where's Marissa?" she questioned with a bright smile.

He looked behind her and said, "She left to go ask a teacher a question." He looked at Sarah's face. "Why, did you want to talk to her?"

This was perfect. She shook her head. "No." She smiled sweetly. "I actually wanted to talk to you."

"Me?" Ryan questioned with a raise of his eyebrows.

She nodded. "Yeah." She turned and saw the nerd staring at them, confused. "Have you met my friend..." She gave the nerd a questioning stare.

"Jude. Jude McCartney," Jude spoke up.

Ryan looked between Jude and Sarah, not seeing how this pertained to him. "Um, no...nice to meet you Jude, I'm Ryan Atwood."

"Everyone knows who you are because you're dating Marissa Cooper," Jude spoke up. He saw Sarah shoot him a look. "What? It's true."

Sarah rolled her eyes. "Anyways, Jude here is going to evaluate you."

Ryan gave her a weird look. "Evaluate me?"

Sarah nodded. "Yes."

Ryan looked at her tiredly. "And what exactly is Jude evaluating me on?"

Jude decided to butt in. "Yeah, what exactly am I evaluating him on?"

"We'll get to that in a minute," Sarah said with a sly smile. "But for now, I have some questions for you."

"Um, isn't it time for class?" Ryan said, trying to escape.

She grabbed his arm. "Class doesn't start for forty five minutes and you know that. Marissa always brings you to school early so she can socialize."

Ryan sighed. "What questions?"

She dragged Ryan to the couch. "Sit." He rolled his eyes but sat down. She sat on the table in front of him and made Jude sit next to Ryan. "Okay, we're going to play a game. I want you to clear your mind. Then I'm going to say a bunch of stuff and you're supposed to tell me the first thing that pops into your head."

"I don't see the point of this."

"You will. Now, are you game?"

Ryan looked at her like she was crazy, but then sat back in the couch. "Fine." He closed his head and let out a deep breath. "Okay, it's clear."

"Alright, let's start off easy. Color."

"Red."

"Sport."

"Baseball."

"Band."

"Journey."

"Movie."

"The Notebook." At that his eyes flew open. "Um, Marissa made me watch it..."

Sarah smirked. "Okay, that was fun. But now onto the real stuff. Close your eyes and I'm going to ask you a bunch of questions now, okay?" He nodded and closed his eyes again. "Would you rather drown or fall off a cliff?"

"Fall off a cliff."

"Computer or laptop?"

"Laptop."

"Sunny or rainy?"

"Rainy."

"Paul McCartney or John Lennon?"

"John."

"Ringo or George?"

"George."

"Action or horror?"

"Action."

"Do you love Marissa?"

"Yes." His eyes flew open again and he looked at her with a panicked expression. "I uh, I didn't mean to say that..."

"So you don't love Marissa?" Sarah said with a smirk.

He sighed. "I, um, didn't say that either..."

"Aw, look at that Jude, Ryan Atwood is blushing!" Sarah squealed. "So cute."

"I am not blushing..."

She rolled her eyes and turned to Jude. "What do you think Jude? Does he love her?"

Jude studied Ryan and then nodded. "Yeah, I think he does."

Ryan sighed. "Look, this is none of your business Sarah. Mine and Marrissa's relationship is between us and only us."

Sarah raised her eyebrows, pretending to be shocked. "Of course it does, Ryan! Don't you know the rules of the bet? Today is judging day."

Ryan gave her a confused look. "Bet?"

Sarah put a hand over her mouth and dramatically said, "Oh, she didn't tell you?"

Ryan's eyes narrowed. "Sarah, what are you talking about?"

"The bet? Between me and Marissa?" Sarah continued. "You know, the one we started back on the first day of school?"

Ryan still didn't seem to understand. "What bet?"

"The one where we bet if Marissa could get you to fall in love with her?" Sarah said, waiting to see his reaction.

His eyes flashed for a moment, but then they went back to normal. "I don't believe you."

"You don't?" Sarah said, raising her eyebrows. She put her hand dramatically to her chest. "Why Ryan, I'm hurt." She looked behind Ryan and smiled widely. Boy he had good timing! "If you don't believe me, why don't we ask your brother?"

Ryan followed her eyes and saw Seth standing behind him. "Seth?" Ryan questioned, his eyes showing his insecurities.

"Seth, I was just telling Ryan about the bet," Sarah informed him. She patted Ryan's knee. "But Marissa didn't tell him anything about it and he doesn't believe me."

Ryan looked at Seth and softly asked, "Is it true?"

Seth stared at his brother and for a second Sarah thought he was going to lie. Then, after a lot of struggle, Seth said, "Yeah, it's true. Sarah told me about it the other day and I talked to Marissa this morning."

Ryan's voice dropped. "You talked to Marissa?"

Seth nodded. "Right before she picked you up."

Sarah put her hand on Ryan's knee, pretending to be sorry for Ryan. "I'm so sorry...I thought she would tell you for sure. I mean, how do you just keep that from someone?"

Ryan didn't look at her, but down at his hands. "Can you guys leave me alone? I need to deal with this on my own."

Sarah nodded and very gently said, "It's okay, we understand. But if you do need to talk..."

Ryan nodded. "Yeah, okay."

Sarah stood and pulled Jude with her. "Come on Jude, let's go."

Jude looked at Ryan. "What was the point of me being here?"

Sarah rolled her eyes. "A second opinion. Now let's go, stop bothering Ryan!"

Sarah left with Jude and Seth followed behind, leaving Ryan alone with his thoughts.

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Marissa had been asking her English teacher a question about the current book they were reading. Now that she had that sorted out, she wanted to go spend the remaining half hour before class started with her boyfriend. She made her way to the lounge where Ryan said he would be and smiled when she saw him sitting on the couch. He seemed lost in thought and looked so adorable with his brooding face on. She made her way to him and softly said, "Hey."

He didn't look up at her as he mumbled, "Hey."

She furrowed her eyebrows and sat down next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "What's wrong?"

He didn't look at her and his voice was so quiet that she almost couldn't hear him. "Sarah told me."

Her heart stopped. "Ryan, I..."

"You lied to me," he said in an eerily calm voice. "You lied to me since the second day I knew you. Everything Seth ever said about you was true."

She shook her head and tried to blink back the tears starting to form. "No, Ryan, that's not true. I started the bet with her because I wanted her to stop spreading so many rumors about me..."

"You used me," he accused, but his words lacked emotion.

She nodded. "At first that's what I did, but then things changed." She wiped away a tear. "I changed because I started to like you, and then I loved you and I didn't want to be with you because of the bet anymore. I didn't care about it anymore at all because I loved you and I want to be with you."

Ryan stood and looked at her like she was pathetic. Then he softly said, "Well congratulations, you win." With that, he walked away.

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**Guess what? I'm going to see Paul McCartney next month!! Just thought I'd share the good news.**

**Individual Replies:**

**hpfangurl12993: **Sorry I didn't reply before. As I said, lots of stuff going on.

**Juzzy88: **Sorry :(

**SRMfan:** Fluff can be good, but yeah, I think something that contributes to the storyline is better.

**Ninpinpin:** Yes, I agree, she is.

**Hopelesslyhalfhearted**: lol, you need to get that checked out!

**Snowwygirl14:** It had been a while.

**Sailaway: **I'll try, but I promise you nothing.

**oc_bunney:** Yeah, that's what I was going for!

**Kellybby: **Here ya go.

**Elly:** I hope I didn't disappoint.

**Bwunnies:** Again, as I told elly, I hope I didn't disappoint.

**G:** Thank you.


	13. Say You're Sorry When You Hurt Somebody

**A/N This is actually a pretty short chapter, but I didn't really see what else I could include. The song used is 'The Conversation' by Motion City Soundtrack. There are only three chapters left of this story and I plan on finishing them within the next two weeks. Thank you for you reviews, enjoy!**

**Dedicated to sabotage0. You know why.**

**Ch. 13: Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody**

Ryan did a pretty good job at avoiding Marissa the rest of the school day. She couldn't say she blamed him for it, but it hurt nonetheless. After spending virtually the whole break with him, it was hard adjusting to going a day without talking to him. He even managed to avoid talking to her in their Speech class since the teacher lectured on different types of listeners that day. She had tried to get him to talk to her by passing him notes, but he would just ignore them or crumple them up, never glancing her way. She wondered if they were still technically together since he hadn't said anything about breaking up.

Then there was Sarah, who made this all even more difficult. If she had been bad before, now she was a million times more annoying. At lunch she had sat beside Marissa and said, "I believe congratulations are in order. Good job."

Marissa glared at her. "You bitch. You ruined my life."

Sarah gave her a dramatic look of exasperation. "Why Marissa, what ever are you talking about? I just judged the bet that you agreed to do. I never meant..."

"Shut it, Sarah," Marissa interrupted, not able to tolerate her fake apologies. "You know what you did. You didn't have to tell him. You could have let me tell him, or better yet, you could have gotten someone to judge it without telling him about the bet." Marissa sighed and looked down at her untouched food. "You didn't have to ruin everything."

Sarah shook her head. "You can't blame me for telling him. You had how many months to break the news to lover boy?" She paused and then grinned. "Or ex-lover boy I presume?"

Marissa's eyes narrowed. "He hasn't broken up with me."

"Yet," Sarah taunted, a wide smirk on her face.

Just as Marissa was about to stand and give Sarah a piece of her mind, Summer sat down beside Marissa and gave her friend a concerned look. "Coop, you look awful."

She had no doubt that she did. She had spent a large majority of the day either crying or fighting off the tears, which made her eyes red and puffy. Her makeup had smeared countless times so she just stopped applying a fresh coat. Not to mention she felt horrible and heartbroken, two things that could make a person physically deteriorate and shrink in front of someone's eyes. "I know."

Summer wrapped an arm around her best friend and Marissa felt a fresh batch of tears pricking the back of her eyes. "I heard what happened. Everyone's talking about it."

Marissa glared at Sarah. "You said if I won you would stop talking about me."

Sarah shrugged nonchalantly. "Jude must have told them."

"Jude?" Summer asked, confusion written all over her face.

Sarah nodded. "Long story."

Marissa rolled her eyes. "This day just keeps getting worse and worse."

Summer sighed and rubbed her friend's back. "So I know this isn't the time, but..."

"You told me so," Marissa finished for her before she could say the words out loud. She sighed. "I know." Marissa looked away from her friends and saw Ryan walking. He looked up and their eyes met. She was about to wave him over when he diverted his eyes and walked away. With swollen eyes, she watched him go.

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Ryan's day was spent in a similar state. He couldn't believe he had let her so close to him, that he had let anyone close to him. He had always known he was supposed to keep people at a distance, that it was easier that way, so why did he let her in? Why did he tell her things that he didn't dare try to tell anyone else? Why did he let himself believe she was different than everyone else, that she just might actually be the girl for him? Why did he have to trust her with his heart, because he sure as hell didn't like the feeling of it being broken.

It was torture not being able to be near her. He would see her passing in the hallway or in a classroom and he just wanted to talk to her, for her to tell him that this was all a lie and she had never made a bet with Sarah involving him. Since he knew there was no chance of that happening, he did his best to avoid her. He needed a little time to think about this and evaluate what he was going to do. He would think with his head this time; he was done using his heart.

When school was over he found Seth waiting for him at his locker. Ryan walked up to him and quietly said, "Hey."

Seth nodded at him. "Hey."

Ryan put in his locker combination, his eyes darting back at Seth every once in a while. He opened the locker door and sighed, staring into the neat storage but directing his conversation towards Seth. "I'm sorry. I really should have listened to you."

Seth nodded. "Well, yeah, but you know better now."

Ryan didn't say anything. He pulled out his books and then softly shut his locker, turning towards his adoptive brother. "I feel really bad about it."

Seth shook his head and gave a wave of his hand. "It's not a problem. We can't help who we fall in love with, right?"

Ryan wanted to tell him he had no idea what he was talking about since he had never fallen in love, but instead he said, "Yeah. So we're cool?"

Seth nodded and slapped Ryan's back. "Of course! Now I know you're hurting, but I have the perfect cure." Ryan raised his eyebrows. "Video games. They're mind numbing and soothing."

Ryan rolled his eyes. "If you say so."

Seth smiled. "Come on, I'll give you a ride." They started walking away together when Ryan saw Marissa approaching. He felt his heart break all over again when he saw her, but he kept his face blank and eyes empty. His eyes connected with Marissa's and he found he couldn't look away, not this time. Seth looked between the two and said, "I'll be in the car."

When they were alone Marissa softly said, "I guess I'm not giving you a ride then?" He shook his head but remained silent. "Then when are we going to talk?" He shrugged but still didn't open his mouth. She let out a small, broken sigh and softly said, "Ryan, please talk to me."

He looked at her and then down at his shoes. "Seth is waiting. I should go."

She reached out for his hand but he yanked his away. "Please, don't go."

He sighed and looked behind her at the now empty hallway. "Marissa..."

She shook her head and her voice cracked as she said, "Ryan, I don't want us to be over. I never meant for us to end like this, or for us to end at all. I'm so sorry, but can't you at least try to forgive me? Please?"

He didn't look at her. "Seth is waiting." With that he walked away yet again, leaving a broken Marissa behind him.

When he got to the car he slid into the passenger seat and buckled his seat belt. "So..."

"I don't want to talk about it," he informed Seth.

Seth nodded. "Are you okay?"

Ryan stared straight ahead at the dashboard. "No."

"Well if you ever want to talk..."

"I know."

The silence was deafening. "So how's the new year so far?" Ryan gave Seth an 'are you serious' look. "Oh, right." More silence. "Um, so I uh, saw the latest movie down at the IMAX. It was pretty awesome for a dinosaur movie."

Ryan raised his eyebrows. "Dinosaur?"

Seth nodded emphatically. "Yeah, you see, it starts out with..." The rest of the ride home Seth talked about useless nonsense, giving Ryan a perfect distraction from his dramatic life.

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At six that night Marissa couldn't take it anymore. She had to know where things stood with Ryan, if there was any chance he could forgive her and they could continue with their relationship. As far as she was concerned, until he told her that their relationship was over, she wasn't going to give up. She couldn't, not when she knew he loved her back. So she made her way to the pool house and softly knocked before opening. She found Ryan and Seth playing video games, Ryan sprawled out on the bed she had spent hours laying in his arms on and Seth sitting on the floor with his back rested against the bed.

"Oh! Look at that, I just killed you! I think you're a bit rusty, Ryan. You need to get back in the zone." Their eyes both darted to Marissa. Seth immediately scowled, but Ryan just stared at her with that blank look he had mastered. "What are you doing here?" Seth asked, breaking the unbearable silence.

"I want to talk to Ryan," she softly said, her eyes never leaving Ryan.

"I don't think that's such a good idea after what you did," Seth said, immediately defending his friend and brother. "In fact, I think you should leave and never come back."

"Ryan and I need to talk about this," Marissa said, getting annoyed with Seth for speaking up because Ryan wouldn't.

"No, you need to get lost."

"Ryan doesn't need you talking for him," Marissa said, glaring in Seth's direction. He met her glare and the two angrily stared at each other.

"Fine, he'll tell you to get lost himself, right Ryan?" When Ryan still hadn't said anything, Seth broke the glaring match and looked back at his friend. "Ryan?"

Ryan hadn't taken his eyes off the girl he loved since the moment she walked into the door. He knew they needed to talk, that he couldn't avoid her or this conversation forever. "Seth, I think you should go."

"But-"

"Marissa and I need to talk."

_Do you remember how we met?  
Silhouetted by the lights...  
You were drunk and tried to take a mental picture with your hands  
I was thinking about that  
And a bunch of other things  
Stop looking at the floor...  
I need to pour out this expansive dose of words_

Seth looked at Ryan in disbelief. Ryan gave him a pleading look and he sighed. "Fine, I'll be in the house doing homework." He glared at Marissa as he walked past her, and slammed the door behind himself.

Ryan sat up on the bed and looked down at his hands. "You wanted to talk, so talk."

"I'm sorry," she started.

"You already said that."

She sighed. "I know, but it's true."

"Why should I believe you?" he asked, the anger in his voice startling her for a moment.

"Because it's the truth."

"But how can I know? You already lied to me once, right?" He bitterly replied.

"I didn't lie..."

He rolled his eyes and scoffed. "Well you didn't exactly tell me the truth."

She nodded and took a step further into the room, fidgeting with her hands. "Look, I know I messed up..."

"Damn right you did," he butt in before she could finish.

She ignored his comment and continued. "But I want this to work. I'm different than I was back then." He rolled his eyes. "I'm better."

"How can I possibly know if you're telling the truth anymore? Why should I even care?" He asked, his voice showing her just how angry he was at her. "Why do you deserve a second chance?"

"Because I love you!" She shouted. "Because I want to be with you! Because I am so, so sorry."

Her declarations of love did nothing for him. "I don't believe you."

She groaned in frustration. "What do I have to do to prove myself to you?"

He sighed and stood. "I don't know. I don't know what there is for you to do."

"There's always something that can be done, even if you don't want to admit it. This doesn't have to be over if you won't let it be," she protested.

He let out another sigh and softly said, "I never said it was over."

Her heart jumped. "Really?" she asked softly, hope filling her voice for the first time all day. "So you mean there's a chance..."

"I don't know right now," he admitted quietly. "You really need to convince me why staying with you is the right thing to do because right now is how angry I am at you." He paused to let his words sink in. "So you have the floor, tell me why I should be with you, why I should even consider forgiving you."

Marissa knew this was her chance, but she didn't know what he wanted her to say. She'd apologized countless times and it didn't seem to make him any more sympathetic towards her. She let out a soft sigh and sat on the edge of his bed, looking down at the ground. "I...I didn't mean to hurt you. I guess I wasn't really thinking when I started the bet with Sarah. It was the first day of school and we had already talked. Everyone had been talking about you, but I wasn't allowed to because my mom never let me look at, much less talk to outsiders. Everyone at school thought I was a snob, but I was really just afraid of my mom and what she would say or do. That's why it came as such a surprise when she ended up liking you.

"They were already all talking about you at registration, and that's the real reason I argued with you over the muffin. I don't even really like blueberry muffins, but I needed and excuse to talk to you without the whole school freaking out and talking about it, which they did anyways." She paused and smiled a little. "You were so cute and adorable – I wanted a way to be with you without everyone bothering us and getting on my case. When Sarah brought up the bet, I was all for it. She promised she would stop spreading rumors about me, and that was really the deal breaker. I got so tired of people looking at me like I was this horrible person, because I swear I'm not, really."

She looked up when she felt Ryan sit down on the bed next to her. Feet separated them, but it was the closest he had voluntarily been to her since he walked away from her that morning. She tried to contain the smile beginning to form. "So what happened after you two started the bet?" he asked quietly.

She shrugged. "Me and you started talking some more and you asked me out. Sarah kept telling me there was no chance I could get you to fall in love with me, but I stayed persistent." She looked at him and reached over for his hand, gently lacing their fingers together. To her surprise, he didn't pull away. She softly smiled, looking at him with love-filled eyes. "But then I stopped caring about the bet and just wanted you to love me because I was beginning to fall for you." Ryan didn't look at her, just continued to stare down at the ground. She gently squeezed his hand and softly pleaded, "Ryan, say something."

He looked over at her and the struggle in his eyes was enough to tell her he was thinking hard about this. Finally he said, "I love you." It was the first time he said those three words and her heart leaped with joy because he loved her back. She had never heard three more powerful or beautiful words.

"I know, and I love you and we can be together..." she said, her words coming out quickly. "We'll forget this whole thing ever happened and-"

He leaned in and kissed her gently, his free hand gently cupping the side of her face. She thought she was going to burst with joy because this obviously meant he still wanted to be with her. She kissed him back, letting her free hand tangle in his thick, blond hair and let herself get lost in his lips. Ryan pulled back and leaned his forehead against hers. His voice came out shaky as he softly murmured, "I love you, but I can't be with you."

_I can't explain...  
I need to be alone.  
I know the timing isn't great  
But these things, you just can't plan.  
I just need a little time  
So I can find myself again  
'Cause I get buried underneath  
All the things they think you are  
And I'm too tired to pretend it doesn't hurt  
To be left out_

She thought she'd heard him incorrectly. "What?"

He carefully pulled his hand from hers and stood, backing away from her. "I can't be with you."

She didn't know if she was more shocked, hurt, or angry. "But the kiss..."

"Was a goodbye," He quietly said. He saw the hurt expression on her face and sighed. "Look, you hurt me."

"I apologized," she reminded him.

"You didn't tell me the truth. How do you think it makes me feel that I had to learn from some stranger what you did?" he asked, his eyes holding the anger he still felt.

"I couldn't bring myself to tell you the truth. It was too hard..."

"And telling you about what happened to me wasn't?" he retorted, his eyes narrowing. "I trusted you and you let me down. I can't forgive that, not right away."

"So that's it?" She asked, the anger flashing in her eyes. "You're just going to give up?"

He turned away from her. "Every time I look at you I get sick to my stomach at what you did to me. You didn't mean to hurt me, but it does because the one person that I trusted myself with went and completely lied to me and used me."

"I didn't use you!" she shouted, the tears beginning to form yet again.

He whipped around and glared at her. "Yes, you did. You used me from the second you saw me. You wanted to see what else was out there, so you chose the guy that everyone was talking about and looking at to prove that you could be different than everyone else made you out to be. You were tired of Sarah always saying things about you, so you used me by being a part of this bet. You wanted to make Sarah upset so you flaunted our relationship in her face whenever you had the chance." He breathed heavily, the anger overcoming him, the hurt overpowering him. "So don't you dare make yourself out to be innocent here."

"I'm not saying I'm innocent, I'm just saying I'm sorry!" she argued. "I love you, I have since you told me about your past. Maybe I did use you, but so what? I'm glad I did, because if we hadn't started out like that, we never would've made it to where we were on New Years." She sighed and fell back on his bed, staring up at his ceiling. When she calmed down she quietly said, "I gave you my virginity."

He sighed, the fight leaving with the breath he'd been holding. He walked over to her and sat down next to her on the bed. "I know, and I never meant to hurt you afterwards, but I just can't go back to how we were that night or these past couple of days."

She looked over at him. "I'm not asking to go back to how we were immediately...just that we try to make this thing between us work."

He lay on his back and stared up at the ceiling like she'd just been doing. "I want to, I really do...I just...can't. Not now...not yet."

A tear escaped her eye and drifted down her cheek to his bed, leaving one small wet spot. "If not now, then when?" she asked, so quietly that he almost couldn't hear her.

He took in a deep breath and then let it out. "I don't know," he admitted quietly. "I just need to be by myself for a little bit. Before I met you I used to have a good relationship with Seth and I would go down to Chino a lot more often..."

"I never meant to take that away."

He nodded and looked over at her. "I know, I'm not saying you did." He looked back up. "I'm the one that let myself get too absorbed in you. I need to go back to the way I was before you. I need to be a better brother and uncle." He paused for a long time, preferring to be silent for a little while. "I need to find myself. I went from being the dark, brooding guy to the one too absorbed in a girl. I need to learn how to be on my own before I can consider being with someone else."

"You never told me about this," she said, rolling to her side so that she was looking at him.

He nodded and met her eyes. "I never realized it until now."

They gazed into each other's eyes for a long time, neither wanting to break away. Finally he looked away and she quietly said, "So that's it? We're really over?"

He nodded and murmured, "Yeah, I think we are."

She sighed and closed her eyes, fighting back the river of tears that were threatening to fall. She stood and quickly said, "Bye then." She couldn't let him see her cry, so she quickly left.

He watched her go, his heart breaking into a million pieces. Then, even though she was no longer there, he murmured, "Goodbye."

_I had a pocket full of dreams  
But I gave them all to you  
Now I think I want them back  
So can you tell me if I'm crazy or confused?  
Don't ever change  
The way you are  
I've never loved anyone more._

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**Individual Replies:**

**Juzzy88: **I'm glad you liked how it all went down.

**Ninpinpin: **haha, cliffhangers are kind of fun though.

**Hpfangurl12993: **I plan on updating faster in the future, but you never know. Thanks again for offering to talk to me, it means a lot.

**Bwunnies: **haha, sorry.

**Elly: **I'm glad you thought so. Did you see My Sister's Keeper?

**Kellybby: **You can't? I can, Sarah doesn't strike me as a very nice person..

**oc_bunney**: haha, yere you go.

**Snowwygirl14:** That line had been in my head since around the second chapter.

**Marissa Davis:** Long time no see! Lol, I'm glad you liked the sex scene.


	14. Take a Nap Every Afternoon

**A/N I am SO sorry this chapter sucks because you guys deserve nothing but awesome ones. I just had no motivation and could not write. Thank you for my reviews...only two chapters left after this! Even though this chapter sucks, I hope you guys still review cause it motivates me to at least attempt to write. Anyways, thanks, and enjoy!**

**Ch. 14: Take a nap every afternoon**

The next two weeks ran together, one day melting into the other. Marissa couldn't remember a time when she was more lonely. She tried telling herself she had lived without Ryan before, but it didn't work because she was different now. She didn't want to go back to the way she was before Ryan when she hung around with girls she couldn't stand and had only one true friend; she wanted to go back to spending her free time with Ryan, to kissing Ryan – to making love to Ryan.

It was torture seeing him at school and not being able to walk up to him and say hello. She hadn't eaten a real meal since she was with him and she hadn't slept a full night since before that. Under her eyes was dark, her hair had lost some of its shine, and her heart was in a constant state of pain. These were by far the worst two weeks of her life.

She was walking down the hallway at school about two and a half weeks after their break up when she ran into Ryan. He was turning away from his locker and she was looking down at the ground, which resulted in her running into the front of him. Their faces were so close she could feel his warm breath against her cheek, making her heart beat erratically in her chest. She stared into his eyes, immediately getting lost in their brooding stare. "Um...hey," he said softly, never taking his eyes from hers.

She could smell the mint in his breath from his toothbrush and it was driving her crazy. She wanted to lean in and kiss those soft lips of his, but settled with speaking instead. "Hey."

"How have you been?" He asked, taking a step back so they were at a more reasonable distance.

She shrugged, looking down as she tucked some hair behind her ear. She looked back up at his face and quietly said, "Okay, I guess. You?"

He nodded. "Me too." They both opened their mouths to speak, but then they shut them. They gave each other shy smiles, and then Ryan said, "So I should get to class..."

She nodded but her heart broke all over again. "Oh, right, of course."

He shifted uncomfortably. "So, um, bye."

She nodded. "Bye," she whispered as she watched him walk away.

Later that day she plopped down in the chair next to Summer and said, "I hate my life."

Summer raised her eyebrows. "It's nice to see you too."

Marissa sighed and ran a hand through her hair, lightly brushing it from her face. "I'm serious, my life sucks."

Summer unscrewed her Fiji water and took a sip. "Let me guess – you saw Ryan?"

"More than saw, I ran into him," Marissa said with a sigh.

"Ouch. How'd that go?" Summer asked, giving her friend a sympathetic smile.

She sighed. "Horrible. It was completely awkward and made me want to be with him more than ever."

Summer took a bite of her apple. "Well, I think you should consider going up to him and asking to just be friends."

"Friends?" Marissa asked skeptically.

Summer nodded. "As far as I see it, you guys would still get to hang out."

"But I don't want to just hang out with him, I want to actually BE with him," Marissa said dejectedly. Summer looked behind Marissa and Marissa turned to see what she was looking at. Ryan was laughing at something Seth said. "He doesn't even look heartbroken."

"Do you want him to?"

"Yes!" She saw Summer give her a weird look. "What? Heartbroken says he misses me...this says he's moved on."

Summer rolled her eyes. "Ask him about the friends thing. It'll let you be with him again, even if you're not his girlfriend. I think it could be good for you two."

Marissa looked at Ryan again and sighed. "Friends, huh?"

Summer nodded. "Yeah, you know...hanging out without the making out."

Marissa smiled at the memory of kissing Ryan. "But I liked the making out part."

Summer rolled her eyes again. "Coop!"

Marissa laughed a little. "Fine, I'll ask him about it later."

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Ryan was hurting inside. He didn't regret breaking up with Marissa, but he was in no way happy about it. She was everywhere. No matter what he did, he couldn't get her out of his mind. She was friends with so many people that it was impossible to pass someone in the hallway not associated with her. All the adults in the community knew about her, and every place he used to hang out at in Newport was a place they had spent time at together. It seemed by letting her in, he had essentially destroyed any chance he had of getting over her.

Running into her was harder than he let on. She had been so close that he could smell the lavender from her shampoo, which took him back to a million other memories when he had smelled that same scent. He missed her so much that it was breathtaking. Whenever he closed his eyes she was the person he saw, and it was starting to get frustrating.

The previous weekend he had driven up to Chino to visit Theresa since he was so out of it in Newport. It had been nice to see Anthony again, but it had also been hard for him to voice what had happened between him and Marissa to Theresa.

_He walked up the familiar walkway to the front door and knocked on the door. As he waited for an answer, he looked around the neighborhood he'd grown up and sighed. Sometimes he missed back here in Chino. Sure things were hard, but they had their good moments and his heart was never broken to bits by a girl. The front door opened and Theresa smiled warmly at him. "Hey, come in." _

_He walked in and took in the familiar surroundings. "You rearranged the furniture," he commented, sitting on the couch in the far corner of the room._

_Theresa shrugged. "I wanted something different, I guess."_

He looked around and saw a bunch of toys but no sign of the little boy he'd missed. "Where's Anthony?"  


_Theresa rolled her eyes. "I told him if he wanted to play in the living room, he first had to clean his room. Anthony! Uncle Ryan's here!"_

_Ryan heard the sound of small feet hitting the floor and smiled widely when he saw his favorite little boy in the world. "Wyan!"_

_Ryan scooped the little boy up into his arms and lifted him high into the air. "How's my favorite nephew today?"_

_Anthony giggled. "Good!" When Ryan put him down on the ground, he looked around before asking, "Where's Riss?"_

_Theresa gave Ryan a confused look. "Yeah, where is she?"_

_Ryan sighed and looked down at his hands sadly. "Um, Marissa won't be coming over for a while."_

_Anthony was confused. "But me like Riss."_

_Ryan nodded. "I know buddy, I do too."_

_  
Anthony was even more confused now. "Then why no come?"_

_Ryan patted the couch next to him. "Come up here, buddy." Anthony did what the older boy said and sat down on the couch next to Ryan. Ryan put an arm around him and said, "Well, Marissa and I aren't going out anymore."_

"_Why?"_

_Ryan looked up and caught Theresa's concerned eyes. "Because we decided to break up."_

"_Why?" Anthony asked again, his innocent eyes staring at Ryan with the greatest trust in the world. _

_Ryan couldn't stand to talk badly about Marissa so he said, "It's complicated. But you have me, right?" Anthony nodded dejectedly. "Hey, what's wrong?"_

_Anthony looked at Ryan sadly. "Me miss Riss."  
_

_Ryan sighed and leaned back on the couch. "Me too, buddy...me too."_

_After a while Theresa picked up her son and said, "Come on Anthony, it's time to take a nap."_

_Anthony yawned tiredly but shook his head. "Me no wanna nap!"_

_Theresa gave Ryan a knowing smile and took carried Anthony to his bedroom. "Don't fight me on this, young man!"_

"_Wyan?" Ryan heard his nephew ask._

"Your uncle will be here when you wake up, right Ryan?!" she called out to him.

_Ryan nodded even though they couldn't hear him and called back, "I'll be out here buddy!"  
_

_Ryan heard Theresa slowly coax Anthony to sleep, and then there were a few minutes of silence. Finally she reentered the living room and gave him a weak smile. "He's out."_

_Ryan smiled. "I miss nap time."_

_Theresa laughed a little and plopped down onto the couch next to him. "Oh, I know, me too. There just aren't enough hours in the day anymore."_

_He nodded and leaned back in the couch. "Yeah, I agree."_

_She was quiet for a few minutes but then she looked over at him and raised her eyebrows. "So are you going to tell me what happened, or are you going to leave me wondering?"_

_He sighed. He had known this would happen. "We broke up about two weeks ago."_

"_Because..."_

_He looked at his hands, trying to keep himself calm. "She lied to me from the very start. The only reason she went out with me was because she was doing some stupid bet with her friends."_

"_Wait, so she didn't like you at all?"_

_He sighed. "Well.." He explained about how Sarah told him about the bet and Seth backed the story up. Then he told her about how he was completely devastated and the talk he had with Marissa after that. And when he was done, he looked at her and said, "I miss her."_

_She nodded and placed a hand on his shoulder, rubbing it gently. "If it makes you feel any better, I never liked her." _

_Ryan rolled his eyes and gave her a weak smile. "You loved her and you know it."_

_She shrugged and said, "Well, I tried."_

_He laughed a little and said, "Thanks for that."_

"_No problem." She smiled at him sadly. "It's too bad; Anthony really liked her."_

_Ryan sighed and nodded. "I know. We all did."_

"_So why can't you just forgive and forget?" _

_Ryan looked at her. "It's...complicated."_

_She raised her eyebrows. "Ryan, I'm not my son. You can explain things to me."_

_He sighed. "She lied to me and I can't forgive that. I can't believe her when she tells me she loves me and I can't believe her when she says she wants to be with me. I've seen her around her friends...she's a really good liar when she wants to be."_

_Theresa shrugged. "How do you know she isn't telling the truth about this one thing?"_

_Ryan shook his head. "Because I can tell. She's just lying to me. All she ever did was lie to me and I'm sick of it."_

_Theresa raised her eyebrows. "But you miss her."_

_Ryan sighed. "Yeah, I do."_

Ryan was so lost in thought that he didn't hear the pool house door open. "Hey," he heard the voice of the girl who broke his heart say.

He was snapped by his thoughts and looked to see her standing nervously in his doorway. He sat up in bed and stared at her, confused. "Hey..."

"Um...can I come in?" she asked, her voice very tiny.

He nodded. After a minute of silence he asked "So...what's up?"

She bit her lip, signaling to him she was really nervous to be here. "Um, so I've been thinking a lot lately..."

He nodded, trying to keep her talking. "Okay, about what?"

"Us," she said softly, refusing to meet his gaze.

He sighed. "Marissa..." he started.

"No, wait, hear me out," she cut in. He gave her a look telling her to go on and she continued. "I think we should be friends."

"Friends?" he asked incredulously.

She nodded. "I know it sounds crazy, but I think it could be really great for us."

"You do..." he said, raising his eyebrows.

She nodded. "Yeah." She looked at him and then down, sighing. "Look, I really miss you." He didn't say anything so she continued. "And I know that I probably have no chance with you, so this is the next best thing."

He raised his eyebrows. "Wouldn't it be easier just to move on?"

She sighed and shook her head softly. "No, it's too hard."

He knew how she felt. "But still...friends? Can we even do that?"

She shrugged. "I think we can if we really try..." She studied his face and saw that he was still skeptical. "You know what, just forget it. I'm sorry for wasting your time." She was about to leave, trying to hold back the tears forming, but he couldn't let her go.

"Marissa...wait," he said softly.

She turned and looked at him with sad, watery eyes. "What Ryan? I already embarrassed myself enough for a day."

He sighed and softly said, "I'm sorry....you just took me off guard."

She seemed to calm down a little bit. "What are you saying?"

He thought about it and then said, "Okay, we can do it. We can try to be friends."

She grinned widely and gave him a large hug. He awkwardly patted her back even though he wanted nothing more to wrap his arms around her and hold her close. She pulled back, her cheeks a dark scarlet. "I'm so sorry...I didn't mean..."

He took a step back and cleared his throat uncomfortably. "It's okay..." he said quietly.

She sighed. "Okay, what are the rules to this whole friends thing so I don't embarrass myself even more?"

"Rule one...no large hugs..." he said with a weak smile.

She nodded and shrugged. "Fair enough."

He thought about it. "Okay, um, we can't let there be less than a foot between us."

She pondered it, then nodded. "Okay, that's doable."

He thought a little more. "And we can't discuss our love lives because that's just awkward."

She nodded immediately, not even liking to think about the fact that Ryan might get another girlfriend. "I like that one."

He smiled. "Thank you."

She smiled back softly. "You're welcome."

Just then they heard the pool house door open and Seth walked in. "So buddy I was thinking we could watch..." He caught sight of Marissa and stopped in his tracks, a large frown on his face. "What are yo doing here?"

"Marissa and I are friends now," Ryan informed Seth, offering Marissa a small smile.

"Friends?" Seth asked, raising one eyebrows skeptically.

Marissa looked at Ryan and then nodded. "Yeah, friends," she said softly, even though they both wanted so much more.

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**Oh dear, this is a very short chapter. Sorry...again... :(**

**Individual Replies:**

**Juzzy88: ** We'll know in two chapters :)

**TheChic: ** I don't feel sorry for Marissa either, even though I wrote her. She got what was coming to her.

**Elly1:** I have considered it, but I don't think I'd get enough fans to make a living off it, so I'd just do it in my spare time if I did in fact write a book or something. I'm glad to have given you chills though!

**Elly:** You should see it.

**Bwunnies:** Glad to have made your day then!

**Kellybby: ** Nope she isn't. She wasn't in this chapter though.

**oc_bunney:** Sorry this one wasn't as good.

**Sailaway:** lol, I know you like the sex scenes.

**Ninpinpin:** why thank you.

**Hpfangurl12993:** We'll have to see how things go for them...


	15. Stick Together

**A/N Have I ever told you lovely people how amazing you are? I really appreciate your reviews. I am sad to say the other day I kind of sort of felt depressed again. Now, I'm fine now, but we'll see how it goes. Baby steps right? You guys probably don't care, but oh well, haha, now you know. Thanks for your reviews! R/R, only one more chapter after this!**

**Ch. 15: Stick together**

_**When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together. **_

_**-Robert Fulghum**_

As Ryan and Marissa soon learned, being friends with each other wasn't exactly easy. It was awkward and they really had nothing in common, so they rarely did hang out with each other. Marissa was willing to overcome the awkwardness, or at least attempt to, if it meant she could spend time with Ryan. However, he didn't seem to feel the same way about her, so he constantly avoided her. They hadn't really broken any ground and Marissa wondered if they could even technically be called friends.

She walked into her Speech class and saw that Ryan was already seated. She took her seat next to him and he gave her a small, friendly smile. She returned the small gesture and looked around for the teacher. When she realized the teacher wasn't yet in the classroom, she glanced over at Ryan to see him playing with his pencil. "So, um, I haven't seen a lot of you these past couple of weeks," Marissa commented. It had been around two weeks since they decided to be friends.

He nodded and continued to play with his pencil. "Yeah, I know. I've been really busy." He briefly glanced at her before trying to stand his pencil up straight by the eraser. "I've been going to Chino a lot and when I am home I'm either doing homework or hanging out with Seth."

She nodded and stayed silent for about a minute. "Oh, that's, um, really cool?"

He noticed the hesitance in her words and looked over at her. "What's wrong?"

She shook her head and avoided his eyes. "Nothing."

He nudged her with his shoulder playfully and said, "Come on. We're friends, and friends tell each other stuff right?"

She bit her lip, wondering if she should tell him. It wasn't really that big a deal that they didn't spend any time together, right? Just because he was getting over her didn't mean she had to get upset and demand to see him every now and then. It was perfectly normal for him to want his own life, especially after what she did to him. But no matter how much she told herself this in her head, her heart kept whispering, "_He doesn't love you anymore_."

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and then said, "It's kind of hard to be your friend and not see you." She looked into his eyes briefly before looking down at the desk. She couldn't stare into his eyes for too long or else she would get lost in them, which in turn would just further complicate things.

"Oh," he said, frowning a bit. He remained silent for a moment and then quietly asked, "Well, do you want to hang out tonight? We could, um..." He looked to her for help, but she was at a loss too. What did guy and girl friends do? When she didn't say anything, he pathetically said, "Play video games?"

She raised her eyebrows. "That could be...fun?"

He nodded and halfheartedly said, "Yeah...totally."

The teacher came in before she could add anything else. They sat in class and listened to Mrs. O'Dowd lecture about the seven deadly sins of listening, both bored out of their minds. After class was over they both stood and looked at each other awkwardly. "Um so...see you tonight?" Ryan asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

She nodded and bit her lip again. "Um, yeah, see you." She watched him walk away longingly, wishing she could be holding his hand or kissing him. She walked out of the classroom and met up with Summer since they had the same next class together.

"So what's new with you?" Summer asked.

"Ryan and I are going to hang out this afternoon at his house," she informed her best friend.

Summer's face broke into a large smile. "This is great! What are you guys going to do?"

Marissa sighed as they arrived at her locker. She opened it and pulled out some books while saying, "We're going to play video games."

Summer laughed but then stopped when she realized her friend wasn't joking. "Wait! Seriously?"

Marissa nodded dejectedly. "How much worse can my life get?" she groaned.

Summer bit her lip to keep from smirking. "Who knows, maybe he'll fall in love with you all over again when he sees how skilled you are at the PS3."

Marissa glared at Summer. "Sum, this isn't funny, and you know I suck at video games!"

"Well, it's the thought that counts," Summer said with a shrug. She suddenly got serious. "But seriously, Coop, this is your chance."

Marissa raised her eyebrows. "Chance at what?"

"To make him realize how much he misses you," Summer said. At Marissa's incredulous look she said, "Look, you've been broken up for what, four weeks?" When Marissa nodded she continued. "So that's four weeks of letting himself believe he can get over you. Now you have a whole evening to let him see what he's missed."

Marissa thought about it, still frowning. "I don't know..."

Summer nodded. "Come on, think about it. If Atwood can get along with you now, it's going to make him remember what things used to be like with you guys." They reached their class. "Come on, this is the best thing that could possibly happen."

Marissa still wasn't sold on the idea. "I still don't know. Things between us are just extremely awkward right now. Won't forcing ourselves to hang out just make it worse?"

Summer shook her head. "Of course not. You suck at video games." Marissa glared and Summer held up her hands in surrender. "I'm just speaking the truth here, Coop. You suck at video games, so it will make him laugh. Making him laugh will make him remember how much fun you guys had. Remembering how much fun you had will make him realize his life pretty much sucks without you!"

Marissa smiled at her friend's enthusiasm. "We'll see."

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That evening Marissa knocked on the Cohen's front door nervously. She knew she should be calm and relaxed since this was only Ryan, but for some reason her stomach was flip flopping and all of her nerves were on edge. The door opened and her heart skipped a beat when she saw Ryan. How was she ever going to be just his friend when all she wanted to do was wrap her arms around him and never let go? She plastered a small smile on her face. "Hey," he said, smiling softly at her. It made her heartbeat come more rapidly.

"Hey," she said. He stood aside and let her enter the house, then closed the door softly behind them. He led her to the living room.

"So I was thinking we could play this new ninja game Seth got," Ryan informed her, turning on the PS3. "It's supposedly a lot of fun."

Marissa sat down on the couch and watched him getting everything set up. He picked up a controller and handed it to her, then sat down on the other side of the couch, leaving an ample amount of space between them. As she glanced over at him, she was again reminded how much she missed him. Oh what she would do to be able to scoot closer to him and be in his arms...

"So, do you play a lot of video games with Seth?" Marissa asked, trying to strike up conversation as the game got started.

He nodded and got them set up in the game. "Yeah," he said distractedly.

For some reason his tone hurt her. "Oh, okay."

He seemed to have realized he wasn't exactly being sociable. He turned to her and offered her a small smile. "Seth loves to challenge me to games. It's how we bond."

Marissa tried to slow her heart down with great difficulty. Why did her senses get heightened when she was near him? Why did her body seem to be on fire when all he did was smile? "That's great."

He nodded and turned back to the screen. "Okay, these are your controls..." He explained what each button was used for and what they were supposed to do. "Now, just follow me and attack whatever attacks you..."

Suddenly they were ambushed by a bunch of weird looking characters and Marissa shrieked. She started pressing random buttons, completely ignoring everything Ryan had just explained to her. When the screen flashed, 'Level Failed,' she looked at Ryan confusedly. "What happened?"

He tried not to roll his eyes at her game playing skills. "Um, you killed me."

"Oh, I did?" she asked, staring at the controller with a frown.

He nodded and tried not to laugh. "Yeah. We lost pretty bad."

She bit her lip and looked over at his amused face. "Sorry?" she offered.

He laughed and said, "It's okay. You just started...let's try again."

She nodded and said, "Okay, I'll be better this time, I promise.

He smiled to himself and restarted the level. Marissa felt warm and bubbly inside at the way Ryan smiled at her as she turned back to the screen. They were ambushed again and she went crazy with pressing buttons again. This time they lasted a little longer, but when the screen flashed they had failed the level, she bit her lip again. She refused to look at Ryan. "You don't play video games, do you?"

She gave him a sheepish smile and shook her head. "I've never played before," she admitted.

He just smiled and laughed a little. "Why didn't you tell me? We could have found something else to do."

"Like what?" She challenged, keeping her tone light. "What is there for us to do?"

He frowned. "Well, what did we used to do?"

"Talk or make out, mostly," she reminded him, her voice loosing all its playfulness. "And when we weren't together, we just talked on the phone."

The frown remained in place. "Well, there has to be something we can do..."

She shrugged. The awkwardness of being around each other seemed to make the room more tense. "Um, we can talk? Catch up, maybe?"

He shrugged and set down the playstation controller. "Okay, what do we talk about?"

She bit her lip and thought about it. What was there for them to talk about? She thought long and hard, then finally asked, "So have you decided who you're going to go see Journey with this weekend?"

He looked at her like she had two heads. "What? Journey is this weekend?"

She nodded. "Saturday night." She studied him for a moment before saying, "You haven't even thought about it, have you?"

He shook his head and admitted, "I've had other things on my mind." He frowned and then asked, "What do you mean by me deciding who I'm going to see them with?"

"There are two tickets," she reminded him.

"Oh, right," he said.

The silence was even worse than the awkward conversation. "Yeah. You should find someone...maybe Seth?"

He shook his head. "Seth doesn't like Journey at all. He'd make fun of them during the whole thing." He was still lost in thought, but then he suddenly looked at her with a weird look on his face. "Hmm..."

"What are you thinking?"

He studied her, obviously thinking long and hard about something. Finally he said, "Why don't we go together?"

She stared at him with a baffled expression. "Really? Cause I mean, I get it if it's too weird for us to go..."

"We're friends," he said, interrupting her before she could start to ramble. "Which means we can hang out together. Friends to go concerts with each other all the time, right?"

She nodded. "Well, yeah."

"So it would only make sense that we go together," he continued, looking at her for approval. "Right?"

She couldn't argue with that logic. She smiled softly and said, "Right."

He smiled genuinely at her. "Good, it's settled then. Me and you will go to L.A. and see Journey this Saturday night...as friends."

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It was torture being this close to Marissa and not being able to reach for her hand. It was mere inches from his own as it rested on her leg. He wondered what she would do if he reached over and placed his hand over hers – if she would care, or even notice. As far as he could tell, she seemed completely okay with only being friends. She never looked as nervous around him as he felt around her. She didn't seem to be completely heartbroken.

He felt so awkward around her because she obviously didn't care they were broken up anymore. Sure she was the one who suggested the whole friends thing, but so far she hadn't come to him looking to hang out. It was so frustrating not being able to go up to her in the hallways and just say hello, but he had been waiting for her to make the first move. He didn't know how to be friends with a girl. Well, he did with Theresa, but she was different. He wasn't in love with Theresa, but he was so in love with Marissa he thought was going crazy.

So, yeah, he may have been avoiding her, but it was just too hard to be her friend and only friend. He would suggest they be something more, but he wasn't ready for that step yet. He was in all honestly still completely angry with her for what she had done to him, but he was still more hurt than anything. He didn't know if he could trust her again, or even if he really wanted to because it might just bring him nothing but pain.

However, that didn't stop him from longing to be the way they once were, or for her to try and win him back. In fact, he was all for her trying to win over his heart because it at least showed she wanted him, but this whole thing she was doing where she actually allowed him to ignore her wasn't what he wanted. He wanted her to keep fighting for him, for their relationship, but it seemed like the only thing she was really fighting for was being his friend. And even that was completely awkward.

He had thought long and hard about it the other night and decided this concert was important for their relationship. If things went well tonight it meant they might actually have a shot at having some sort of relationship again, even if it was only a simple friendship. If they could get through tonight without fighting and actually had some fun, it would be a real defining moment for them.

He was interrupted from his thoughts by Marissa's voice. "No offense, Ryan, but this is kind of boring. Can we turn on the radio or talk or something before I completely go insane?"

He glanced over at her and cracked a smile. "Okay, we can listen to the radio, just none of that crap that you and Seth tend to lean towards."

"How rude, I am hurt," she joked, putting a hand over her heart. "You're just jealous."

"Of your poor excuse for music? Please," he said with a playful roll of his eyes. He rummaged around for a little bit and then pulled out a CD. "Here, put this in."

"What is it?" She asked, pulling the CD from the case. She looked at it and then raised her eyebrows. "Journey?"

He nodded. "I figured if we were going to go see them, you should be properly educated."

She laughed and put the CD in. After a few seconds, the music started to play. "What song is this? I swear I've heard it before..."

"It's called 'Don't Stop Believin','" he answered her, glancing over at her. "You don't remember?"

"Remember what?" she asked, deep in thought, trying to remember where she had heard the song.

He shook his head in disbelief. "I can't believe you don't remember."

She frowned, trying to understand what he meant. Then it hit her. "This isn't the song..."

He looked over at her with a smile. "When we were at Theresa's house..."

Marissa laughed. "And Anthony got up on the table and started singing?"

"And Theresa told him to get down because it was time for his nap..."

"But he jumped off the table and ran to the other room, still singing..."

"And Theresa told him he was going to be kidnapped by the singing police because he was singing when he wasn't supposed to be..."

Marissa laughed. "And the he ran over to me and jumped on my lap, begging for me not to let them take him away. So that was this song?"

He nodded and smiled over at her, touched that she did in fact remember this one moment dealing with his nephew. "Yeah, it was. I used to beg Theresa to play this for him, even if I wasn't there, so he would have something to remember both me and Trey by."

"Back when you were in jail?" she asked, her voice growing softer and more sympathetic.

He nodded and quietly said, "Yeah. I used to sing it inside my head. It got me some tough times. I don't know why, I just love that song."

"I thought you said 'Lights' was your favorite song?" she said, remembering a previous conversation of theirs.

He nodded. "Yeah, it's another good one. This song is just closer to me in that way." He looked over at her quickly before turning back to the road. He was very touched that she remembered his favorite song. She must have taken this whole bet thing very seriously.

They continued to chatter about small things until they finally reached LA. The went and got something to eat before heading to the building where the concert was being held. They looked for their seats and when they found them, Ryan was in awe. She hadn't been lying when she said they would get a good view of the stage. He looked at her anxious eyes and said, "These seats are incredible."

She smiled widely, obviously pleased with herself. "Well, one of the many joys of being Jimmy Cooper's favorite daughter is some pretty awesome allowance money."

He smiled and smiled at her gratefully before looking back at where the stage crew were getting set up. "This is amazing, really. I don't know what to say..."

She shook her head, the smile still in place. "Don't say anything. It was a gift for Christmas...it's nothing."

He wanted to argue that for someone that was born and raised in the worst neighborhood of Chino, who had seen his mom get shot, had endured prison, and quite possibly worse of all had a broken heart, this was something amazing. But he kept his mouth shut and sat down, anxiously awaiting for the concert to start. After a few minutes of bouncing his knee she laughed softly. He looked over at her, confused. "What?"

"You're so adorable when you're this excited," she said with a smirk.

"I am not excited or adorable," he protested, but still, his knee kept bouncing anxiously and he kept looking back at the stage.

"You are too. Just admit it, you can't wait until your favorite band makes an entrance. It's something anyone would be excited about," she said with a smile.

He looked over at her and then sighed dejectedly. "Okay, so maybe I'm a little excited..."

She smiled and placed a hand on his shoulder. "And that's perfectly normal."

He looked at her and then at the hand on her shoulder, which was sending shivers down his spine, but didn't say anything. She took the hint and pulled her hand away, the smile on her face slowly disappearing. "So..."

They were interrupted by the opening band coming on stage. A few people started cheering, but for the most part no one really knew who they were. The noise gave Ryan a chance to get his thoughts about Marissa straight. She was his friend, that was it. She had lied to him, she had misused his trust and used him. He was mad at her.

He couldn't help but wonder, then, why one touch from her had him completely confused.

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Later on when Journey came out, Ryan clapped and even cheered a little bit. He looked over at Marissa and saw she was looking at him more than the band. He paused from his cheering and their eyes connected, making everything else in the world fall away. Then in the background he heard the song, 'Faithfully' begin to play and he looked back at the stage to see the band now performing their first song of the night. He nodded along and softly sang with it, not wanting to belt the lyrics like some other people around him.

A few songs later and there was a weird buzz in the room, almost like everyone seemed to be a part of some large positive energy. The band was beginning to get hot and sweaty, and after all the standing and singing he had done, Ryan was getting kind of hot too. He looked over at Marissa to see she was lightly swaying to the music, obviously lost in the music. He smiled and then looked back at the band.

Towards the end of the night he was beginning to feel better towards Marissa. She hadn't tried to get close to him and let him enjoy the concert on his own. He finally decided to talk to her a little bit. He leaned in close to her ear and shouted, "How do you like the concert?!"

She smiled and leaned in close to his face. "It's great! Way better than I thought!"

He laughed and pretended to be hurt. "How could you not think it would be great?!"

She laughed and shrugged. After a few minutes they started playing 'Don't Stop Believin'.' She smiled widely and leaned in close to him. "It's our song." Her face was so close to his that he could feel her breath on his cheek and it was driving him crazy.

He turned his head so he was looking into her face and smiled softly, searching her eyes. "Yeah, I'm glad they're playing it."

She smiled and then reminded him, "This is kind of breaking our no less than a foot rule."

He stared at her for a long moment, the music blasting in the background. Finally he leaned in close to her ear and softly said, "Screw the rules. Real friends to make rules, they just go with the flow." He pulled back and studied her. The stage lights cast a sort of glow on her face and made her hair shine. He had seen her in a million different situations, but to him she had never been more beautiful than in that one moment her realized she was trying to respect him. He reached over and grabbed her hand loosely, not being bold enough to lace their fingers together.

And then they both turned to belted out the lyrics to 'their' song. Together.

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**So I'm thinking of starting something new after this story. Are you guys okay with that? I'll have all the information in the last post, but I just thought I'd let you know now what I'm planning on doing.**

**Individual replies:**

**Marissa Davis: **haha, I love that scene too. I love it when they try to be friends, cause it's obvious they can't!

**Ninpinpin: **Yes, let's see.

**Juzzy88: **Yes, let's hope for the best.

**Hopelesslyhalfhearted: **Why thank you, I'm glad someone noticed. You need to get to posting cause school starts for me in less than a month, which means less internet time.

**TheChic: **Let's hope you're right..

**hpfangurl12993:** Of course it's impossible for them to be friends, but they don't know that yet!

**Elly1:** Ask and you shall receive...

**oc_bunney:** Well I'm glad you think so!

**Elly: **I guess maybe I was wrong. It seemed bad to me.

**Kellybby: **But they're so clueless as to how the other feels!

**Bwunnies: **Well thank you.


	16. LOOK!

**A/N So here it is, the end of the story. I want to thank you for reading the story because it means a lot to me when someone reads my stories. An update on me...I'm getting worse again. This whole depression thing is hard for me and I'm trying not to give in to it again, but it's so damn hard. I'm kind of heartbroken right now too. A couple of days ago I said goodbye to a friend of mine and I really do miss her. My new story will hit pretty close to home. Information about that will be at the bottom, after the chapter.**

**Sorry for not updating before. I meant to do it last week, but I went on vacation and was either too tired, too busy, or too depressed to write. I hope you can forgive me. Thank you for my reviews from the last chapter. R/R, thanks!**

**Ch. 16: LOOK!**

_**And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK. **_

– _**Robert Fulghum**_

Ever since the concert, things had been great between Ryan and Marissa. They grew to have an easy friendship when they got over their initial awkwardness. They could now laugh and joke with each other. The physical contact was kept to a minimum, usually a friendly hug or holding hands was as close as they got. They would do things from go see a movie to just walking along the pier. It was all fun, or at least it had been through the first week of February.

Marissa loved that she was so close to Ryan again, but there was still the large part of her that wanted nothing more than to kiss him or have him really hold her again. She loved the relationship they have now, but she would always love the relationship they used to share better. It was still torture to be around him and not be truly with him.

She and Summer were supposed to be studying for a Calculus test together. Summer was laying on her back, staring up at Marissa's ceiling, and Marissa was resting her back against her pillows as she flipped through the book. Neither had a clue what they were supposed to study, nor did they really care. "So, what's going on with you and Atwood?" Summer asked, looking over at Marissa.

Marissa sighed. "We're friends. I already told you."

Summer shrugged. "I didn't know if he came to his senses yet and asked you to that Valentines dance."

Marissa sighed. There was an upcoming Valentines Day Dance going to be held at school, but it was a couples only deal. Since they weren't a couple anymore, Ryan and Marissa couldn't go. Summer seemed to believe that Ryan was just too nervous to ask Marissa to go so she should ask him, but Marissa knew better. Ryan just didn't want to go with her. "No, we're friends."Summer rolled her eyes. "Come on, you guys are anything but friends."

"What makes you say that?" Marissa asked, raising her eyebrows.

"You two look at each other like two people in love," Summer said, rolling her eyes yet again. "Friends don't do that."

Marissa sighed. "Well, that's all we are and all we probably will be."

"So you're saying you don't want to go to the dance with him?" Summer asked, raising her eyebrows.

Marissa gave Summer an upset look. "You know that's not true."

Summer sighed. "Then ask him to it! You can't be a couple if neither one of you are willing to take a leap of faith and ask the other one out."

Marissa rolled her eyes. "You know it won't work.""But what if it does?" Summer asked, raising her eyebrows. "Come on, wouldn't it be awesome if he actually said yes and you guys could go together?"

Marissa thought about it and smiled a little. Ryan in a suit, or just plain Ryan and her together sounded great. "Fine, I'll think about it."

Summer smiled widely. "It's going to be great!"

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Seth was tired of his best friend not being happy. Ryan didn't see it, but he could. Ryan was still hung up on Marissa Cooper, even if he thought he was over her. Ryan thought that the whole friends thing meant that he was over her, but Seth could tell the truth. Ryan was falling more and more for her every day, and by the looks of it, Marissa was doing the same for Ryan. Seth had never liked her, but whenever the three of them were together and hanging out her love for Ryan was so obvious it was sickening.

Seth walked into the pool house carrying two mugs filled with hot, steaming coffee. He opened the door and let the light in. He smiled hearing Ryan's groans and said, "Hey buddy, time to get up. I've got your coffee right here."

He saw some movement under the blankets and smirked as Ryan tried to pull the covers off. Finally Ryan's head appeared, looking around desperately for coffee. "Where's the coffee?" he asked, tiredly rubbing his eyes.

Seth laughed and walked over to him. He handed Ryan his mug and watched Ryan drink it down. "Your hair looks outrageous," Seth said, looking at Ryan's crazy bed hair.

Ryan rolled his eyes and stood, stretching and yawning. "Whatever Seth." Seth smirked and sat down in the chair next to Ryan's bed. He watched Ryan go into the bathroom and silently waited, wondering how he was supposed to bring up the topic that had been plaguing his mind for the whole weekend. When Ryan came back into the main room, he raised his eyebrows at Seth. "Um, did you want something or are you into watching me change now?"

Seth rolled his eyes. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

Ryan nodded and said, "Okay." He went to one of his baskets. "Is this going to take a long time cause I kind of have to get ready..." He looked at his clock on his nightstand that was conveniently located next to some framed picture of him and Marissa kissing. "And Marissa is going to be here to take us to school in like half an hour."

Seth sighed. "It's important."

"Are you sure it can't wait?" Ryan asked, pulling out his clothes that he was going to wear for the day.

Seth decided to try a new tactic. "It's about Marissa."

Ryan froze and immediately turned to look at Seth. "What's wrong? Is she okay?" He furrowed his eyebrows in worry, making Seth roll his eyes once again.

"She's fine."

Ryan visibly relaxed. "Okay then, what's the problem?" He resumed what he was doing before, pushing the basket back into its holding place.

"You're still in love with her," Seth calmly said. Ryan looked at him and Seth nodded. "It's obvious, buddy, don't even try to deny it."

Ryan shook his head and looked off into space, obviously lost in thought. Finally he softly said, "I'm not going to deny it, Seth. I love her...I'm in love with her." He looked down at the clothes in his hands, suddenly looking really lost.

"Then why are you two not together?" Seth asked, raising his eyebrows. "Why are you so adamant that you guys are friends only when you are both obviously so in love with each other?"

Ryan sighed and quietly said, "She doesn't love me."

Seth tried not to laugh at his friend's obliviousness. "Are you serious? She is more in love with you than you are with her. Ryan, she's crazy about you."Ryan shook his head but didn't say anything. "Why are you doing this? I thought you hated her." He looked up at Seth with the most heartbreaking look Seth had ever seen. He was obviously torn when it came to Marissa Cooper and Seth wished he could do something to make his best friend feel better.

Seth nodded. "I do. I think she is snobby and hardly thinks of anyone else other than herself. She is selfish and she hurt you, which makes her even worse." Seth's face softened a little. "But she is also completely, one hundred percent in love with you and isn't afraid of showing it."

Ryan snorted. "How does she ever show it?"

Seth rolled his eyes and said, "You are so blind. She shows it all the time! She looks at you like you are the most valuable thing ever. She isn't the best person in the world, but you two love each other and you're only even remotely happy when you're with her."

"That's not true," Ryan protested. "I'm happy with you guys..."

Seth shook his head. "You're not miserable when you're with us, but when you're with her you act like someone different. You smile a lot and you laugh and you joke. You still do your fair share of brooding, but you also have fun and actually seem okay for once." Seth raised his eyebrows, daring Ryan to argue.

Ryan shook his head and sat down on the bed. " It's...complicated."

Seth rolled his eyes and stood up. "If you say so. You're just making yourself upset here, because it's obvious Marissa wants you back." He walked to the pool house door and then turned back to look at Ryan. "You have fifteen minutes, I suggest you hurry." With that, he walked away, hoping he'd at least made some kind of impression on Ryan during the talk.

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Twenty minutes later Marissa rushed into the pool house looking frazzled. "Hey, sorry I'm late, I was just..." She caught Ryan's blank stare and immediately froze. "What's wrong?" she asked, walking over quickly and sitting next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

He shook his head but didn't look at her. "Um, nothing. I was just thinking..."

"About what?" she questioned, obviously still worried about him.

"Just something Seth said," he said, finally looking her in the eye. He offered her a smile that made her insides melt. "Come on," he softly said, taking hold of her hand. "Let's go find Seth." When he looked at her that way she couldn't breathe, much less worry about him.

She nodded and softly said, "Okay." They stared into each other's eyes, completely lost in the other.

They were interrupted by Seth's voice. "Guys, we need to go to school, you know, the place with the teachers and stuff."

Ryan tore his eyes from her first and looked over at Seth. "Found him." He walked a little, gently pulling her with him. "Come on, let's get to school."

Her heart beat hard against her chest as she stared at him, wanting so badly to be lost in the moment with him again. "Yeah," she said softly. "Let's go."

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In Speech class Ryan and Marissa sat and stared at the teacher, extremely bored. Mrs. O'Dowd was announcing the next project. "You are to choose a Supreme Court case with your partner and report back to me as soon as possible with your decision so that I can write it down. Each group will have a different case, so you better come to me fast so we can get you the one you want. Your partner is the person sitting next to you. Any questions?"

Some freshman named Drew raised his hand. "Miss, do one of us take the positive and the other take the negative?"

Ryan rolled his eyes. Mrs. O'Dowd nodded. "Yes...anymore questions?" When no one raised their hands she smiled. "Great, here is the link to a few of the sites where you can find some cases..." She passed one out to each table. "You shouldn't put this off until the last minute. A good debate is one with lots of information and no room for getting shot down."

Drew raised his hand. "Miss, do the winners get more points than the losers?"

Mrs. O'Dowd smiled. "They get five points extra credit, but that's it. I'm not judging the debate on who wins, but on who gives a solid debate. You can both get a hundred if you work hard enough."

Ryan looked at Marissa and smiled a little seeing she was already looking at him. "So, my house or yours?"

She shrugged. "I like the pool house. For the most part it's quiet and we have privacy." She looked at him. "Unless you want to do it at my house..."

He thought about it. "Your parents are going on that trip soon right?"

She nodded. "Yeah, they leave tomorrow night. Why?"

He decided to tell her his idea. "Well, I was thinking that since we are always at my house, we can go over to your house tomorrow. We won't even have to worry about Seth interrupting us." He tried to judge her thoughts on the idea. "We could decide the case at my house tonight, and then work on it at yours?"

She smiled and nodded. "It sounds like a plan."

His smile widened. "Alright then, it's settled."

The bell rang and they both stood, gathering their things. "So will I see you at lunch?"

He gave her an apologetic look and said, "I have a big test at the end of the day so I'm going to be studying in the library." He noticed the disappointment in her eyes and immediately felt kind of bad, even if he did have a good reason to go away. "Sorry...I'll see you after school though, right?"

She nodded and plastered a weak smile onto her face. "Yeah, I understand."

They were in the hallway walking now. He turned and said, "So I should probably get to class..."

She nodded in agreement and a strand of hair fell into her eyes. She was about to reach for it when he reached out and tucked it behind her ear. He kept his hand there for a beat longer than necessary as he looked into her eyes. She wondered what he saw when he looked at her, if he could see how much she loved him. "Me too," she said so softly it sounded like a whisper.

He removed his hand and cleared his throat, looking away from her. "So um, see you the first thing after school?"

"Sounds like a plan," she said. They both took one final look at each other, and then walked away.

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They chose to do Tinker vs. Des Moines School District with Ryan as the affirmative side and Marissa as the defense. Marissa went home for dinner and Ryan got started on his other homework, or at least attempted to. He gave up after just staring down at his Calculus book for a few minutes, too lost in though to concentrate on the problem he was supposed to do for homework. All he could think about was what Seth had said that morning. Marissa wasn't in love with him, right? She never had been. She wouldn't have done what she did to him and not tell him if she was really, truly in love with him.

After thinking it over for a while he decided to call Theresa and ask for her input. He dialed her number and listened to the phone ring a few times before hearing a breathless Theresa ask, "May I help you?"

"It's me," he said, knowing she'd be a little more polite now."Oh, okay. I didn't look at the caller ID and thought it might be someone selling something," she said, sounding relieved. "What's up?"

Ryan ignored her question. "You sound breathless. What were you doing?"

Her voice held annoyance. "Your nephew decided he didn't want to take a bath, so I had to chase him around the house."

Ryan tried to hold back his laughter. "Um, sorry?"

She sarcastically said, "Sure you are." She paused and then repeated her previous question. "What's up?"

He decided to get serious with her now. "I need some advice."

"Let me guess...Marissa?" Theresa asked knowingly.

"How did you know?" he asked, raising his eyebrows in amazement.

"I've only known you my whole life," Theresa said with a small laugh. "What did she do now?"

"She didn't do anything, it was Seth that started it," Ryan informed her. He told her about what Seth said that morning. "So what do I do?"

She spoke to him like he was stupid. "Ryan, do you love her?"

He rolled his eyes and said, "You know I do."

"Do you want to be with her?"

He sighed. "Well, yeah..."

"Does she love you?"

He sighed once again and rubbed his face tiredly. That was the one question he wasn't able to answer just yet. Did she love him, or was everything really a lie like he had made it out to be? "I don't know," he admitted.

"Have you ever tried to find out?"

He shook his head even though she couldn't see him. "Um, not really. I mean, how do you know?"

She laughed a little. "I thought you knew these things. You just know."

"How do you just know?" he asked, still not getting it.

"The next time you see her, look at her. I mean, really look at her." She paused and he assumed she was shrugging or something. "And I promise you, if you do that, you'll have your answer."

"Just look at her?" he asked incredulously. "That's it?"

"That's it," she said after a minute.

He thought about it and sighed, laying back on his bed. "Maybe I'll give it a try."

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The next day in English class their teacher held up a bunch of paper in the air. "Benchmarks everyone! The school decided you were to be given benchmarks today." He started passing out the thick booklets and said, "It's just a couple of stories with some essay questions, so it shouldn't be too bad." He handed Ryan his booklet and Ryan looked down at it with a frown. "Alright, take out your pencils and you may begin. You have the whole class period today and part of it the next time we meet, so use your time wisely." Ryan opened the booklet and read the title, _Long Walk to Forever_ by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. He found it to be a fairly interesting story, though not one of his favorites. He wasn't into that romantic stuff.

That night he was on Marissa's bed, flipping through the papers they had just printed about their case. "So your guys won in real life, but we can't let the class know that, right?" Marissa asked, reading the case summary.

He nodded. "Yeah, the class is supposed to tell us who they think won and write an evaluation on us and everything." He rolled his eyes. He hated debates.

"There is no way I can win when you have this much against me," she said with a frown. Something caught her eyes and she sighed dramatically. "Okay, this is so not fair. I shouldn't have let you be the positive." She continued to flip through it and sigh. "Ryan, are you not reading this? This isn't fair!"

He laughed and looked up form his papers, glancing over at her. He remembered what Seth and Theresa had said the day before, so he decided to study Marissa for a moment. Suddenly the story from the benchmark came back to his mind. The story was about a woman named Catherine and her friend Newt taking a walk. Newt had gone AWOL so he could go see her since she was going to get married. He had to tell her he loved her. Ryan hadn't thought much of it when he read it, but now one particular passage came back to mind.

"_I had to find out," he said._

"_If I'd loved you," she said, "I would have let you know before now."_

"_You would?" he said._

"_Yes," she said. She faced him, looked up at him, her face quite red. "You would have known," she said._

Marissa must have sensed him staring at her because she looked up at him. Their eyes caught. She stared at him confusedly. "Ryan?"

"_How?" he said._

"_You would have seen it," she said. "Women aren't very clever at hiding it."_

Marissa waved her hand in front of Ryan's face, but he kept staring at her, studying her, observing her. What was it he was supposed to look for? How could he tell if she loved him? He wished Theresa had told him what he was supposed to see. How could you just _know_? It was impossible to look at a person and know if they really cared, right? It was impossible to be so open.

But then he saw it, and he suddenly understood what everyone had been saying all along.

_Newt looked closely at Catherine's face now. To her consternation, she realized that what she had said was true, that a woman couldn't hide love._

_Newt was seeing love now._

_And he did what he had to do. He kissed her._

How could he not have seen it before? When he looked closely, he saw the way Marissa's lips trembled as she looked at him. Her face was calm and relaxed, but her eyes were what betrayed everything to him. They were soft around the edges, but glowed from the very core. She looked at him and there was no hiding the way she felt.

She loved him. She always had.

She was about to question him again, but he spoke first. "So you know that Valentines Dance this week?"

Her eyes grew brighter. "Yeah," she answered quietly.

He looked down at his papers, too ashamed that he hadn't seen this before. That he hadn't let himself see this before. "I was thinking that, um, maybe you wanted to..." He looked back up at her hopeful face and smiled a little. "Maybe we could go together?"

She smiled a little, but still seemed a little cautious. "You know it's couples only, right?"

He nodded and his own face softened. He wondered if his eyes looked like hers, if she could see the way his eyes softened and calmed like the ocean after a raging storm. "And then I was thinking that the night after that we could go out to dinner or something....together."

She nodded and softly said, "I would like that."

He looked at her nervously, playing with his hands a little. "And then I was thinking that we could do something else the night after that, and every night that follows."

He wondered if her heart was beating as fast as his as she said, "Okay."

His face lost its smile and grew completely serious as he said, "And I was thinking that we could never break up again."

She nodded and watched as he moved aside their books so he could get closer to her, his face slowly making its way to hers. "Anything else you were thinking?" she asked, searching his eyes just like he'd been doing to hers.

He nodded and tucked some hair behind her ear. "Yeah," he murmured quietly. He looked deep into her eyes, and now he finally understood what it meant to look into someone's very soul. "I was thinking that I should kiss you right now."

She placed a hand on the nape of his neck, pulling his face closer to hers. "Please do," she quietly pleaded, so he did. He kissed her with everything he had in him, and then some. And when she pulled back and tearfully said, "I love you so much," he knew she meant it.

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**A/N 2:**

**My internet is really weird right now so I can't do individual replies. I want to thank the people that said they hoped I felt better because it means a lot. And sailaway, I am now 15. My birthday was back in March.**

**INFORMATION ON MY NEW STORY:**

**1) It will be called "**_**You've Got Mail**_**"**

**2) It is AU**

**3) It is R/M (obviously)**

**4) It is set with R/M at college. **

**5) This is basic plot line: Ryan and Marissa used to be online friends who grew really close, until Ryan decides it would be best to cut their ties and leave. Years later they meet at college, except only Ryan knows about their past. What happens when Marissa realizes just who Ryan is and what he did to her?**

**I know it doesn't sound all that great now, but I hope you guys read it. I'll have it up as soon as this Thursday.**


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